Random Instant Message from ex???

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

so yesterday I received a seemingly random IM from my ex...

 

background info: we dated for 3.5 years, "high school sweethearts", said she loved me up until the very end (seemed kind of sudden), didn't get an accurate explanation for the break up ( but don't worry I got A LOT of the typical excuses), went on a few trips out of state together while in the relationship, and just about everyone was envied me for the love we shared.

 

I'll try to keep this short so I won't paste the whole conversation, just summarize and be specific on the point that struck me as odd.

 

 

ok so yesterday I receive an instant message from my ex girlfriend. I haven't communicated with her for about 6 weeks prior to yesterday. the IM said "can I ask you a question?".

 

I debated on answering to it but decided it was better not to do so. so I went on with my day but the message kept lingering in my mind "why is she contacting me when she hates me so much and better yet what question could she possibly have to ask me?". well after it ate away at me for a few hours I decided I would let her ask her question.

 

question isn't important, just wanted to let everyone know why I responded before I get a "why did you communicate with her" response lol.

 

 

Anyway, throughout our conversation I felt as if she was just trying to start an argument. seemed like no matter how I responded to anything she would act all snappy with me (this was over IM so I couldn't detect anything from her voice to validate this feeling).

 

I feel I took the situation very well as I didn't respond when she tried to argue or seemed very angry. and after ignoring one of her snappy posts I receive something along these lines...

 

 

oh and by the way I'm seeing someone else.... (goes on about how they are so much better than me)

 

 

now I have talked to friends and family about this and everyone so far has said I took this extremely well. I simply responded with "well good I'm glad you are happy".

 

then after a few minutes of waiting she sent something snappy that doesn't really have anything to do with her new "someone" and I ignored it then went on with the rest of my day.

 

 

 

 

now question time...

 

 

why after so long of no contact would she contact me and still act angry?

 

 

why would she even mention her seeing someone new?

 

 

and generally what are your thoughts on this whole situation or how I handled it?

 

 

 

Thanks everyone

[thelovingkind]

My guess is: She's stuck in an unhappy place between knowing that you weren't right for her but not feeling quite the same "energy" with her new boyfriend that you two shared. So in other words, I think she wants with the new guy what she had with you. Obviously, this can't happen, so she's settled for lashing out and trying to rile you up instead and make you feel jealous to gain some kind of a shallow titillation from a sense of having the upper hand. You didn't give her what she was fishing for, so well done.

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

My guess is: She's stuck in an unhappy place between knowing that you weren't right for her but not feeling quite the same "energy" with her new boyfriend that you two shared. So in other words, I think she wants with the new guy what she had with you. Obviously, this can't happen, so she's settled for lashing out and trying to rile you up instead and make you feel jealous to gain some kind of a shallow titillation from a sense of having the upper hand.

 

lol yeah and I think I know who her new "someone" is which would explain why she didn't give any name, I don't mean to sound arrogant but this guy is in no comparison to me in any way.

 

 

You didn't give her what she was fishing for, so well done.

 

Thank you, you saying this makes me feel great

[HLP234]

She just wants to make you feel the same way you felt when you guys broke up, in other words she wants to make her self feel better by trying to get you worked up. I would have ignored it and then if she did not stop, then answer but been quick about it. The longer you don't talk the better it is. You dont want those thoughts you had to come back and make you feel like ****.

[leoc1973]

Hey man I think you handled it extremely well. I would love to know what the question was. Just to try to figure out if she was fishing for some love from you. Is it possible that the "new guy" had her phone? Just seems weird that she was the one to contact you and then start snapping at you. Maybe he had her phone and was trying to see if she has been in contact with you. Or maybe she was trying to pull the thing you see on here a lot like the whole I contacted my ex and now I remember why my ex is my ex. But you didn't give her the satisfaction... good for you! Do you want her back?

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

Hey man I think you handled it extremely well. I would love to know what the question was. Just to try to figure out if she was fishing for some love from you. Is it possible that the "new guy" had her phone? Just seems weird that she was the one to contact you and then start snapping at you. Maybe he had her phone and was trying to see if she has been in contact with you. Or maybe she was trying to pull the thing you see on here a lot like the whole I contacted my ex and now I remember why my ex is my ex. But you didn't give her the satisfaction... good for you! Do you want her back?

The question was in my opinion immature and pointless but I'll give a little background info that lead into the question...

 

when we first started dating I was told by my ex, her step mother, and her brothers that I was the ONLY boyfriend that her dad actually liked. he has a .308 that he has put a lot of money into and it is his prize gun (we're both very into hunting). very first time meeting him he let me hold the gun and look it over. we talked like we knew each other our whole lives and we were good friends. anyway this seems significant to me because I also learned that he doesn't even let his friends touch that gun so I know we hit it off good.

 

now after the break up I gave her what I thought was ALL of her things back but after going through my house a month and a half later I realized she still had a lot of belongings here. so I bagged them up and we arranged that I would drop them off at her dad's house. well the day I decided I would take the stuff to her fathers for her I went fishing before hand and caught some pretty impressive sized trout (not huge but big enough to brag about lol). now I hardly ever eat fish, I usually either do catch and release or I find someone that will eat the fish so they don't go to waste. so I thought back and said to myself even though it's over with her, her dad and I got along very well and I don't see any harm in giving him a few fish.

 

so I show up at her dads with her stuff and the fish not expecting I would even stand the chance of her being there... and sure enough there she was. I gave her the stuff and walked to the house and gave her dad the fish. her dad still talked to me like we were close friends and was very excited that I brought him fish. I spent maybe 15 minutes in conversation with her dad before leaving (and she made small talk with me when I was there). while in the conversation with her dad, he told me that he still had the 12 foot aluminium boat that he gave me when I was dating his daughter and he said he was keeping it for me.

 

next day I wake up to an email saying "can you please not visit my dad" which I ignored. three weeks later I decided I would go get the boat. again I wasn't there very long, maybe 15 minutes tops. I went to her dad and asked for the boat, he helped me load it into the truck, and during this time we chatted yet again like we were close friends. while I was strapping the boat in the truck my ex walks over from her house across the street (obviously she heard us talking, you can hear everything that goes on in her dads yard from hers... even talking at regular tone and her dad and I weren't exactly being quiet lol). as she walks by she gives me a cold look, asks her dad for a sweat shirt, then proceeds into her dad's house. Immediately after I got the boat strapped down her dad asked if I could get him some more lobster and clams this summer as I have done every summer that I was dating his daughter which I happily agreed to.

 

next day I receive an instant message AND another email saying "can you please stay away from my dad".

 

so that brings me to her IM that I asked about originally. her question?... "Can you please stop visiting my family?" which I find immature because yes I may I have exchanged words with her father, BUT I never showed up there without a reason. both instances was for exchanging of property and her dad never said or seemed like he had a problem with my presence there.

 

my response to this question? "after I get your dad his lobster and clams that he wants you won't ever see/hear from me again." which she obviously did not like and proceeded to try and convince me that her dad hated me being there.

 

my future plan of action... I'll figure out when I can get the lobster and clams, I'll call her dad to see if he still wants them, if he still does I'll arrange a time and place to get them to him and explain that I do not want to cause any problems at home because his daughter has a problem with my presence around him.

 

 

the new guy couldn't have had her phone because she is out of state visiting her bothers, and if I am correct on who it is he is still in my home state.

 

 

 

Do I want her back?... at this point it's hard to say...

when we started dating she was very mature, independent, and honest. when we broke up she said she wanted to be single (there goes honesty). And I don't see this new relationship of hers going anywhere because when I asked her into the relationship it was after going out to eat and taking her to the movies. when I got home she had already changed her status on MySpace to 'in a relationship' and commented a few times on my page about how great of a guy I am and how every moment we spend together is amazing (this was back when myspace was cool). now she is with this guy, his facebook relationship status changes to 'in a relationship' while hers stays 'single', he has said a few things on her wall which she either doesn't respond to or responds as if he is a distant friend (there goes independence), and finally she has this conversation with me where she tried to start an argument with everything said (there goes maturity).

 

so bottom line... if we get into a situation of us hanging out or something along the lines and I see the qualities in her that attracted me to her in the first place I WOULD GLADLY TAKE HER BACK; however, these qualities are killing every bit of attraction I had towards her so unless she changes then no I don't want her back.

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

She just wants to make you feel the same way you felt when you guys broke up, in other words she wants to make her self feel better by trying to get you worked up. I would have ignored it and then if she did not stop, then answer but been quick about it. The longer you don't talk the better it is. You dont want those thoughts you had to come back and make you feel like ****.

 

agree with you here. the conversation didn't last very long, just long enough for her to throw out that she was seeing someone (she didn't say this until I assume she realized I wasn't going to argue with her) which I responded to. after a few minutes she sent a message saying "stay away from my dad" which I ignored and proceeded with my day.