getsback Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Like they are tired of hearing N\C, Move On, Heal, Keep Busy etc etc... Does anyone ever feel like the more you get told this, the more determined you are to fight for the person you love? Like your just not ready to give up? My ex left me because I hurt her. Its been 3 months now and she won't even see me. I'm not upset anymore, I just feel this determination not to give up. Iv done all the wrong things since the split....begged, pleaded, e-mails, texts, promises to change. She speaks to me sometimes about how she feels. And although she is always solid about the fact she won't take me back, a lot of her e-mails are filled with emotion and I can tell there is part of her that still feels for me. She never wanted to seperate in the first place. Anyway, that's beside the point. What I'm trying to say is, iv got nothing to lose anymore. Her rejecting me dosnt set me back in the healing process, I'm used to it now! And if I go N/C, I will just never hear from her again. So I'm kinda just at the point where I think, I may as well just keep fighting! The worst she can do is tell me not to contact her anymore, at which point I would stop! Anyone else ever felt like this? I feel its the American way to never give up on your dreams! Link to post Share on other sites
00sports00 Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 I feel that same way, and I don't know what to do ... My ex and I broke up not on really bad terms at all, she just needed time and space to want to do her things because she felt as though she could see herself with me for a long time and she may not be able to ever experience her younger years if she stays with me (she's 19) .. But she still talks to me and says I love you and I don't know what to do because I go N/C but feel guilty because maybe she does love me and/or she is just trying to make sure I am still around for when she is ready to get back into a relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 You've got to know where to draw the line though. If you keep trying, you're just going to really annoy her. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Like they are tired of hearing N\C, Move On, Heal, Keep Busy etc etc... Does anyone ever feel like the more you get told this, the more determined you are to fight for the person you love? Like your just not ready to give up? My ex left me because I hurt her. Its been 3 months now and she won't even see me. I'm not upset anymore, I just feel this determination not to give up. Iv done all the wrong things since the split....begged, pleaded, e-mails, texts, promises to change. She speaks to me sometimes about how she feels. And although she is always solid about the fact she won't take me back, a lot of her e-mails are filled with emotion and I can tell there is part of her that still feels for me. She never wanted to seperate in the first place. Anyway, that's beside the point. What I'm trying to say is, iv got nothing to lose anymore. Her rejecting me dosnt set me back in the healing process, I'm used to it now! And if I go N/C, I will just never hear from her again. So I'm kinda just at the point where I think, I may as well just keep fighting! The worst she can do is tell me not to contact her anymore, at which point I would stop! Anyone else ever felt like this? I feel its the American way to never give up on your dreams! Whatever you're doing, isn't working. Remember what they say: "Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, and expecting a different result." If you keep doing the same/wrong things, then you're always going to hit the brick wall. And even if you hate hearing about "N\C, Move On, Heal, Keep Busy etc etc..." If it's working for people - then however much you hate hearing about it - it's working, while what you're doing - isn't. What you can (BOTH) start by doing, is reading the Caliguy No Contact Guide in my signature. And understand the point, and actually put something useful into action. Something that - I hate to break it to you - works. Link to post Share on other sites
zuzuzoggins Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 well I felt exactly like you...and the more my ex told me to f*** off..the more it made me determined to change his mind...to the point where I became obsessive about it and didnt care about anything else, not even sleeping or eating!!! but in the end you will have to let her go because you will never know how she really feels deep down until you do and you are disrespecting her by not giving her space to breathe....it's the hardest thing ever but chasing after someone makes them de-value you and makes them resist you..... so now I have gone NC but HATE IT and my family and friends keep telling me to let go and get on with my life but I still think of him non stop...I have made a step by going NC but I dont feel ready to let go emotionally yet.. people pipe on about these things so much cos in the end it will be better for you not to waste years chasing butterflies......and it is the only way you may have a chance of turning things round too... Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 (edited) Getsback if you respect her and you feel about her the way you say you do then let her go mate. It sucks (I KNOW!!, I miss my ex TERRIBLY) but do you really want to get her back by annoying and pestering the girl to death?. Even if you were successful that is no basis to rebuild the foundations of a fulfilling nourishing relationship and whats more realistic is that you are going to drive her further and further away. In my experience when a woman lets you go and puts that emotional wall up there aint no taking it down, no matter how hard we try. I'm sure she still has feelings for you but you need to except that she is no longer in love with you and that is never going to change. if you persist with this course of action not only will you never start to heal, there is a VERY strong chance the police could get involved and things turning VERY nasty. My ex answered me for awhile until I eventually went too far and she threatened me with the police. My ex was like a drug and I found it so hard to leave her go. In my head she was my future and my happiness. But you can't rely on someone else for you happiness and any relationship based on emotional need and not love is never going anywhere long term. I REALLY regret my obessive behaviour at the end of our relationship. I decided to make myself a better man, learn from my mistakes and find happiness within myself. I also forgave my ex and I am slowly letting her go. It's not easy. She is still the first and last thing I think of everyday, sometimes I nearly break NC but I never do. Because despite all the hurt she has caused me, I still love and respect her. She has moved and I am gaining acceptance it was never meant to be. Being focusing more and more on myself and each day gets me closer to my personal goals...I wish you well mate Edited June 6, 2011 by Mack05 Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Also, I think it's the girl that doesn't leave us when we are not at our best, that see's our heart when we are down, that knows we love them and are genuinely sorry we ever hurt them (and will try our hardest to never do it again). It's the girl that sticks when the going gets tough. They are the right people for us, because unlike our ex's they truly love us for who we are (warts and all). That's the kind of woman I want. Who is there through the good and more importantly the bad times. It's sticking with someone when you know they are acting out of character, thats what makes someone special. The one's that quit easily are never the special one's...All we can do now is use the time we have to better ourselves so that we can be special to the next girl we meet.. We have all had dreams, some come through, some don't. For the one's that don't we learn the lessons, replace them with new dreams and try even harder to make them come true. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 some dreams just aren't attainable. this is one of them. believe it i tried to get my ex to change his mind for two and a half years! and yes i did all the things you did: crying, begging, painfully long e-mails, agreeing to stay in the friendszone. if i had come across love shack a year ago i would never EVER has considered NC. i just couldn't bring myself to give up until i felt i had done everything in my power to get him to give me that chance. and well around november of last year - - i realized i had; when my ex got fed up and wrote me an extremely harsh e-mail telling me to "MOVE ON!" it was a humiliating. but it the final nail in the coffin and i went NC soon after that. i don't see going NC as giving up though. for all the time i spent (wasted really) staying in the friendzone, writing e-mails, pleading etc; i wasn't fighting to win him over - -i was giving in to him. i was sacrificing my dignity in allowing myself to be strung along and used until he finally had enough and told me to get lost. trust me. this is not how you want things to end. Link to post Share on other sites
stray Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 I think I see what you're trying to say. The whole "healing from the relationship" stuff has sort of cult-like, holistic, hippy overtones. "Let go", "Heal", "Love yourself" - it's all sort of an illusion rather. But some people need that illusion to actually move on with their lives. They need to pretend the break up is like a "wound" that needs "healing". In any case, the reality of your situation is that you're wasting your time. Yes, it's the American way to never give up, but what you're doing is more like, trying to get a broken down cotton gin to work so you can pursue success. You need to get something (someone) more suitable, more conducive to your success (an actual progressing relationship). Your relationship with your ex is probably not going to progress, and it ESPECIALLY won't, if you keep contacting her. If you want her to "miss you", you need to show you have more respect for yourself than to pine away at a brick wall begging for it's love. Because let's face it, that's pathetic looking. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 If you bash your head against a brick wall 1,000 times. Who do you think is going to hurt more, you or the wall? Try 2,000 times. Who do you think will give up first. The wall or you? The never say die attitude is great, except in relationships. The very moment you feel you have to "fight" for your relationship, the boat has already started to sink. You shouldn't have to fight for something. A good relationship just comes naturally between two people, in both good times and bad. You don't have to fight to get the person to talk, or what not. It just happens, like a well oiled machine. At some point, you just have to realize that there are no great 700 pound Olympic sprinters out there and maybe find a new dream that's a little bit more within your reach and better suited for you. Yes, you have lots more to lose. It's called your Self Respect. Link to post Share on other sites
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