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Having trouble letting go


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superchiefs

6 weeks ago, my fiance told me she did not want to marry me. I have tried going NC, but the longest I have gone is 9 days. We had already started to tie a lot of financial decisions together, so things just seemed to continually come up, causing us to come in to contact with each other. I have told her numerous times that I do not want to be friends. She has told me numerous times that she does. Every time we see each other, we end up in friendly conversations. Then afterwards, I will send her emails telling her that I dont want to be friends. Then she responds telling me that she hates how I keep going back and forth with her. This is all a vicious cycle. Tomorrow, I am suppose to get a check that should close out all of the financial ties, so then I shouldnt need to ever contact her again.

 

The past 2 weeks, I have started going out and started to connect with new people. But I just seem to have trouble going back in forth with wanting my fiance back. I would say that I am probably at a point where 60% of the time I am over her, but then 40% of the time, I still find myself wanting her back.

 

First of all, is there really any chance that my fiance and I could have a successful relationship? As mentioned, we have been seperated for 6 weeks, but we have pretty much been in contact about every other day, except for the 9 straight days I mentioned. And for those 6 weeks, she has continued to tell me that she loves me, but doesnt know if she is in love with me.

 

As so many songs have said, I am somewhat addicted to her and am having trouble beating the addiction.

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TearyEyedPride

Life is too short to wait while she figures it out. Being a recent dumpee... sometimes you just can't fight the battle anymore... NC is best. it'll give her time to "resolve and figure out" whatever it is that she needs to. Keep being you and discovering yourself even more. Hope this helps.

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The course you are on doesn't seem to be working, so you may want to try committing to NC. You really don't have anything to lose.

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bonkersbaby

While I agree with most of the other commentors, I don't think you should give up entirely. Maybe she is scared to commit completely. The two of you need to talk about the relationship and where you want it to be in the future. Stop going back and forth, it only causes more drama than there already is. I've been where you are, except, my ex boyfriend says he needs time to find himself only when I ask him where we stand. The no contact rule rarely works and it sucks. And for anyone who says they stick to the no contact rule is lying! We all slip up from time to time. Show this girl that your relationship is worth it. I feel as though your ex is making a huge mistake for not wanting to get married. Its been six months since my ex left me and I will never get over him. He seems to be slowly coming back into my life which is great for me. He still says he needs time to find himself and figure out what he really wants and I'm convinced he is just afraid of something bad happening. No relationship is perfect. I'm here if you need any advice.

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superchiefs
While I agree with most of the other commentors, I don't think you should give up entirely. Maybe she is scared to commit completely. The two of you need to talk about the relationship and where you want it to be in the future. Stop going back and forth, it only causes more drama than there already is. I've been where you are, except, my ex boyfriend says he needs time to find himself only when I ask him where we stand. The no contact rule rarely works and it sucks. And for anyone who says they stick to the no contact rule is lying! We all slip up from time to time. Show this girl that your relationship is worth it. I feel as though your ex is making a huge mistake for not wanting to get married. Its been six months since my ex left me and I will never get over him. He seems to be slowly coming back into my life which is great for me. He still says he needs time to find himself and figure out what he really wants and I'm convinced he is just afraid of something bad happening. No relationship is perfect. I'm here if you need any advice.

 

Whenever I have tried bringing up our future relationship, she just says that she doesnt want to talk about it. She says she doesnt know if we have a future together or not. But she wants to keep me around as a friend, but she says she understands how that is selfish of her and why I would not want to do that. I started seeing a therapist, and he told me that my best course of action is to go back to no contact with her and see what happens from there. Yesterday afternoon I sent her an email and she never responded. So I have gone about 19 hours of no contact so far.

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