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a guy won't leave me alone..what do I do?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 1st June 2011, 2:12 AM   #1
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a guy won't leave me alone..what do I do?

This is my first post asking for help so please don't give me too hard of a time haha.

I started talking to a guy *Brian* (fake name) last August who I met on a chat website. We talked on the phone, eventually did phone sex because I was being stupid, and then I broke it off because he's in another state and I don't do LDRs anymore and he lied to me about his age and I was interested in guys who lived closer to me. It was a little complicated, but it ended fairly well, all things considered...or at least I thought it had ended.

Every few months, the guy will text me or call me. This is the only reason why I have kept his phone # in my cellphone - so I know he's the one trying to contact me instead of wondering who the heck this random number is from.

He hadn't contacted me since December or something like that when he just asked me if I still had a boyfriend and how I was doing, but now he contacted me last night by calling me.

I texted him back to be polite, and he asked me why I wouldn't talk on the phone with him. I tried to text him back, but my phone wouldn't send the message, which I figured out today. When I figured that out today, I sent the message, apologizing for my phone's incapability to send that message. In the message, I told him I don't like talking on the phone, especially with people I don't talk to that often who call unexpectedly. He called me again about 15 minutes ago and left a somewhat passive-aggressive voice mail, saying he'd like to talk to me, especially on the phone, "but I guess that's not happening so.."

I'm wondering what on earth I'm supposed to do. I'm a little scared.

Please keep in mind that I am not interested in this guy but am just trying to be nice. I was never in what I would call a "real relationship" with him and I now have a boyfriend who I love. Oh and I'm 21 if that helps. Thanks.
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Old 1st June 2011, 2:20 AM   #2
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Call your cell phone provider and block the number.
I know how you feel- I mean you DON'T want to ever talk to this guy ever again but you want to be nice about it- that's how I feel about all my awkward situations too! So I'd say just to block the number. OR what works is, let him call a few times, and then after a while have someone else pick up the phone (brother, friend, etc) and when the guy asks for you, have you friend or whoever answers say: "Sorry I think you have the wrong number.... I just got this new number yesterday/today."
I did that once to a guy I stupidly gave my number to, and it worked like a charm I don't like being mean to people either so that'll work trust me!
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Old 1st June 2011, 2:21 AM   #3
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Be more assertive next time. Just ignore the last one and if he replies again just be firm "I'm having a bad day at work, I'm out trying to get things done, I really don't want the stress I've asked you to leave me alone".

If he does it again, warn him you'll block the number and seek legal advice (or some such).
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Old 1st June 2011, 2:24 AM   #4
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Just ignore everything that comes from this guy.
Never respond, never reply, never give him an opening.
When you get a text from him, delete it without reading it. (Why would you want to even see what he's writing??)
If he calls, let it go to VM, then delete it, without listening. (why would you even want to hear what he has to say??)

As an extreme, when the time comes for your phone contract renewal, ask them about changing your number.... I did it with mine, no problem. Sent out a final group text to all contacts, and then changed it.
Worked a dream.
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Old 1st June 2011, 2:29 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marigold7 View Post
Please keep in mind that I am not interested in this guy but am just trying to be nice. I was never in what I would call a "real relationship" with him and I now have a boyfriend who I love. Oh and I'm 21 if that helps. Thanks.
If you are not interested in him, and you don't wish to continue contact with him, then you are doing nobody - either yourself or him - any favors by "being nice."

What you need is to "be clear". Let him know, one time, clearly, that you don't want any more contact with him. Then change the name on his contact in your cell phone to "Do Not Contact", so when he calls or texts, these words will come up, and you will know not to answer, read, or respond.

Making excuses like "I don't like talking on the phone" isn't helping. Someone who isn't getting the message will gladly misinterpret this as "...but I do still want to stay in contact with you..."

You need to be clear and communicate ONE message: I don't want to be in any contact with you; please stop.

You don't owe him any amount of being "nice" or kind or polite - being CIVIL is appropriate and reasonable. Just be civil, and be clear, and then after that, don't answer his calls, don't read his texts, don't listen to his voicemails, and don't respond ever again.

(He doesn't know where you live, does he? Just checking...)
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Old 1st June 2011, 2:53 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by Trimmer View Post
(He doesn't know where you live, does he? Just checking...)
thank you everyone for your suggestions! No, he doesn't know where I live. I'm going to send him the "Please do not contact me" type message and then discontinue further communication.
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Old 1st June 2011, 3:10 AM   #7
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Well it actually should be easy to get rid of him. Just out right in a txt say ďI donít want to speak with you anymore so please stop trying to contact me.Ē Then just ignore him. If he really never stops try blocking his number and then of course changing yours if it comes to it.

My voice mail is just the generic please leave a msg. Its not my voice and it doesnít say my name. If you do the thing where you let some one pick up and act confused that this is there new number make sure your voice mail is like that. The thing is they donít generally reassign numbers that fast from my understanding. So your best bet is to be upfront. ďStop trying to contact me please, I donít want to speak with you ever again.Ē Then just ignoring all further contact.

Iím curious how old is he and how old did he pretend to be. How did you find out his real age.
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Old 1st June 2011, 6:51 AM   #8
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Block him. It is not that hard. See if you can block numbers through the website for your service provider. Usually there are "spam controls" where you can block numbers. If not, call your provider and request that the number be blocked. None of this "I keep his number in my phone so I know it's him when he calls". If you want it over with, block him.
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Old 2nd June 2011, 12:22 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marigold7 View Post

I'm wondering what on earth I'm supposed to do. I'm a little scared.

Please keep in mind that I am not interested in this guy but am just trying to be nice.


I think the answer is self evident.
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Old 2nd June 2011, 12:36 AM   #10
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He will never stop calling and texting you until you say to him "Stop calling me, I am no longer interested in you." Dont worry, you'll only feel guilty for 5 minutes. You can deal with it.
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Old 9th June 2011, 12:45 AM   #11
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hey sorry i didn't get give an update sooner. it worked out fine, he just asked why after i said i didnt want to talk to him anymore. I ignored him and he hasn't replied since. thanks for all the advice.
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Old 23rd July 2011, 4:48 PM   #12
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he's back...argh

hey everybody,
*Brian* called again very early this morning and left a vm. He had done this once before after I posted that last message, but I thought it was a one time thing so I didn't bother coming back to the board. But he apparently still has not let go...he said he misses talking to me and would "like it very much if I would [call him or text him back]." CREEPER!

I haven't responded to him at all, but I'm annoyed and worried that he's not going to stop. Anyone have any further advice or anything else to say?

Thanks
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Old 28th July 2011, 11:44 AM   #13
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If he won't change his manner, then you must change your details.
Make yourself unavailable, and don't give him any clue as to what you have done.

Change every contact number/address you have.

That's your only avenue now, as I see it.
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Old 8th May 2012, 12:21 AM   #14
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This is STILL happening. ???

Hadn't heard from him since August and he just texted me again tonight. This guy is insane. There's no way he can figure out if the message actually reached my phone, right? I'm fine just ignoring him and I've changed his label to "Do not call" but it's just weird.
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Old 8th May 2012, 12:37 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by marigold7 View Post
Hadn't heard from him since August and he just texted me again tonight. This guy is insane. There's no way he can figure out if the message actually reached my phone, right? I'm fine just ignoring him and I've changed his label to "Do not call" but it's just weird.
As long as you dont change your number, he will keep calling. If youre not going to be mean to him to get him to stop, then you just have to grin and bear this.
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