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Was she playing mind games ?


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Here is my original thread

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t278922/

 

Backstory is that we broke up because she said she "wasnt in love with me right now". This all happend last week. I started to see a change in attitude over the past couple months and could tell she wasnt the same person.

 

My problem:

A few days after she broke it up, she blew up my phone with text messages saying she's in love with me and that she made a big mistake. I didnt respond because I was in NC mode. Anyway, I decided on Friday to contact her and ask if she meant those things and got no reply. I sent her 1 in the morning and 1 at night. I then texted and called her Saturday and they went unanswered. I basically told her that I'm taking it as if she lied about those things because she hasnt responded back. Do you think she was playing games with my heart?

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Here is my original thread

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t278922/

 

Backstory is that we broke up because she said she "wasnt in love with me right now". This all happend last week. I started to see a change in attitude over the past couple months and could tell she wasnt the same person.

 

My problem:

A few days after she broke it up, she blew up my phone with text messages saying she's in love with me and that she made a big mistake. I didnt respond because I was in NC mode. Anyway, I decided on Friday to contact her and ask if she meant those things and got no reply. I sent her 1 in the morning and 1 at night. I then texted and called her Saturday and they went unanswered. I basically told her that I'm taking it as if she lied about those things because she hasnt responded back. Do you think she was playing games with my heart?

 

 

Sounds like she had a weak moment just like we do.

 

If she was serious, she'd have answered those contact attempts straight away, right?

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I agree she had a week moment. Ofcourse she still cares, she has to be NC like you .

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Slip fell..landed someplace...or just cold/flaky/b--tchy n needed space passive aggressively? I've never had a weak moment of either with anyone I've been with..I'm an open communicator.

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Sounds like she had a weak moment just like we do.

 

If she was serious, she'd have answered those contact attempts straight away, right?

She eventually answered me this afternoon saying that she needs to get this whole thing out of her system before she can be with me 100 percent. Who knows what going through her head

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She eventually answered me this afternoon saying that she needs to get this whole thing out of her system before she can be with me 100 percent. Who knows what going through her head

 

I say slip/fell/landed for you...r wants to but really wants a future with trust on it intact with YOU (maybe) ...there's isn't that much mystery to get out of your system that isn't bad news. She's flirted with leaving you for someone else and doesn't want to pull the trigger...and is really fighting. Just leave her be until she figures out or clarify what this is...but trust....lol. My recent ex pulled this same ****..until by accident cause she was uncharacteristically distant and I wanted to see if she was still doing the recent thing of going to FB before talking to me cause we were still officially together and we was..and that tagged photo thing showed me HER WITH MY EVENTUAL REPLACEMENT at a bar with him looking down her tits. I mean I was just about to log off too. She admitted crumbs..had to find out from friends there they were actually dating. Trust all you want..but verify if you don't want this happening again r the questions lingering. I can post the Skype stuff here if you need proof.

Edited by sinnister
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She eventually answered me this afternoon saying that she needs to get this whole thing out of her system before she can be with me 100 percent. Who knows what going through her head

 

Get what out of her system? What she had to say?

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Get what out of her system? What she had to say?

 

Idk, that's what I'm unsure about. But she said she loved me yet again so it may not be all that bad. I think its probably the stress of trying to find another job or maybe school. It hurts though

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When things went downhill between my Ex and I, the last time she said I love you she said, "I love you too, I just don't feel like ****ing saying it everyday."

 

Just disappear dude, completely, do not speak to her for two months no matter what she says. However, before you do that, you could tell her all or nothing. I will get ahold of you eventually.

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When things went downhill between my Ex and I, the last time she said I love you she said, "I love you too, I just don't feel like ****ing saying it everyday."

 

Just disappear dude, completely, do not speak to her for two months no matter what she says. However, before you do that, you could tell her all or nothing. I will get ahold of you eventually.

Wow, thats harsh man. And I kind of basically went all or nothing this morning and the response about getting something out of her system was created.

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Wow, thats harsh man. And I kind of basically went all or nothing this morning and the response about getting something out of her system was created.

Yeah as I was gonna tell EJ in his own thread after reading reply...you're pushing it. But your pushing has lead to a positive response. Don't push too hard, except trying to only find out if it's a man or not. If it's space do EJ's plan but only for maybe a month..maybe two if she's back in school. But there can be NO MAN involved before giving space or you're asking to be replaced. Weak women gravitate to the safe, not the best. If he's there while you're doing the right thing..she will bring him into her life for a new r/s will no history..but u need to find out b/f planning ur next move.

 

All or nothing is VERY dangerous, even if it feels like you're getting a backbone, and u prob are. But it can lead to pressure and weak people respond very irrationally to pressure. Be careful if you still want a future with either girl.

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Yeah as I was gonna tell EJ in his own thread after reading reply...you're pushing it. But your pushing has lead to a positive response. Don't push too hard, except trying to only find out if it's a man or not. If it's space do EJ's plan but only for maybe a month..maybe two if she's back in school. But there can be NO MAN involved before giving space or you're asking to be replaced. Weak women gravitate to the safe, not the best. If he's there while you're doing the right thing..she will bring him into her life for a new r/s will no history..but u need to find out b/f planning ur next move.

 

All or nothing is VERY dangerous, even if it feels like you're getting a backbone, and u prob are. But it can lead to pressure and weak people respond very irrationally to pressure. Be careful if you still want a future with either girl.

I said my peace for now and will only talk to her if she contacts me. I just feel so angry because she has told me so many different things. It hurts me and breaks my heart. How can you someone your not in love with them and then retract? And then after retracting you ignore that person thus making it look like lies. I love this girl and I just want to figure why she is doing this kind of stuff to me. Sorry for the rant but it just hurts because I still want to give her my all even after being hurt.

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I said my peace for now and will only talk to her if she contacts me. I just feel so angry because she has told me so many different things. It hurts me and breaks my heart. How can you someone your not in love with them and then retract? And then after retracting you ignore that person thus making it look like lies. I love this girl and I just want to figure why she is doing this kind of stuff to me. Sorry for the rant but it just hurts because I still want to give her my all even after being hurt.

 

B/c she is weighing a very important choice, you KNOW what I think it is. I'm telling you, swear on the life of my unborn my ex bounced through the same thing...the mixed signals plus finding out about the other dude ate me alive..and she took back the I don't love you's...nearly the breakup..but staying there for 2 more weeks with him and his crowd..that her best friend there had intro'd him to her, took it back. Since she hasn't told you and you don't know what the hell happened to make it so drastic now...except for the personality change that you've said's been there since she space attempt, there's only a few things this is and very few make them fluctuate your love like that. You get mad and don't want to say it, but you don't stop loving a person, unless there's another that has a piece of that heart. If this passes, fine, give her back everything but lead the r/s after a break..not put her on lockdown, just lead, make your priorities more important..inspire her/improve yourself..so you have more command, plus be in a better bargaining position if this flairs up again..probably by really being able to walk. But don't let her keep you captive again...she loses respect every time. You can do this w/out threats if she comes back. Keep your head up and I'm sorry.

 

And forgive me for projecting so...and even though I am implying that our situations could be similar, I'm not saying it's the same. But she is faced with a very important decision to her, and if there was a definite reason, and she respected you as much as she did..it wouldn't be such a mystery. Like she said regarding space..there would be more concrete reasons for the breakdown..even if she didn't know them all...by keeping it a mystery, she is keeping you in pain..the pain she no doubt has..but is shows a decreasing respect..when and if you get her back..your goal should be to restore that respect through your actions and the attraction will follow. Don't drasically change, as if she thinks it's for her, it diminishes the effect, but again, you'll make yourself stronger, and make her scared as hell to put it at the brink again, cause you will walk next time. I believe this can get there after this crisis. Again, the only reasons this is such a painful mystery is that she's battling with something that she doesn't know why...but still would be spoken...like "I love you so much, but I can't do this anymore" r kept quiet as she has or it is something she doesn't want you to know. Not trying at all to be a knowitall, this is only advice/reasoning.

Edited by sinnister
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B/c she is weighing a very important choice, you KNOW what I think it is. I'm telling you, swear on the life of my unborn my ex bounced through the same thing...the mixed signals plus finding out about the other dude ate me alive..and she took back the I don't love you's...nearly the breakup..but staying there for 2 more weeks with him and his crowd..that her best friend there had intro'd him to her, took it back. Since she hasn't told you and you don't know what the hell happened to make it so drastic now...except for the personality change that you've said's been there since she space attempt, there's only a few things this is and very few make them fluctuate your love like that. You get mad and don't want to say it, but you don't stop loving a person, unless there's another that has a piece of that heart. If this passes, fine, give her back everything but lead the r/s after a break..not put her on lockdown, just lead, make your priorities more important..inspire her/improve yourself..so you have more command, plus be in a better bargaining position if this flairs up again..probably by really being able to walk. But don't let her keep you captive again...she loses respect every time. You can do this w/out threats if she comes back. Keep your head up and I'm sorry.

 

And forgive me for projecting so...and even though I am implying that our situations could be similar, I'm not saying it's the same. But she is faced with a very important decision to her, and if there was a definite reason, and she respected you as much as she did..it wouldn't be such a mystery. Like she said regarding space..there would be more concrete reasons for the breakdown..even if she didn't know them all...by keeping it a mystery, she is keeping you in pain..the pain she no doubt has..but is shows a decreasing respect..when and if you get her back..your goal should be to restore that respect through your actions and the attraction will follow. Don't drasically change, as if she thinks it's for her, it diminishes the effect, but again, you'll make yourself stronger, and make her scared as hell to put it at the brink again, cause you will walk next time. I believe this can get there after this crisis. Again, the only reasons this is such a painful mystery is that she's battling with something that she doesn't know why...but still would be spoken...like "I love you so much, but I can't do this anymore" r kept quiet as she has or it is something she doesn't want you to know. Not trying at all to be a knowitall, this is only advice/reasoning.

Yeah man, I understand and appreciate all the advice I can get. When she finally responded to me yesterday saying she needed to get this thing out of her system, I sent her a long text just getting everything off my chest. I told her that she needs to have enough respect for me to tell me what she wants because it wasnt right to jerk me around like that. I mean the way she's been treating me, I dont only feel hurt and anger, but I feel disrespected because I gave her over 2 years of my life and she cant give me a simple reply to what she wants! Luckily, she finally did. But, as for our relationship, I dont even know if it could work if we did get back together. She was the kind of girl who always wanted to be together and wanted to talk to me to make sure I wasnt talking to other women or anything. She always wanted me to tell her sweet things and even talked about engadgement! She was sort of clinging but I liked that about her because I wanted to be with her just as bad as she did. But then, like I said before, things started to change. I dont even know if she's the same person anymore.

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Forgot to mention that she said we could be together forever once everything is out of her system. I didnt expect her to say such a thing.:confused:

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Forgot to mention that she said we could be together forever once everything is out of her system. I didnt expect her to say such a thing.:confused:

I got the "let me test this crush out for a year" thing...n then if it doesn't work..we'll ride off into the sunset together. Prob should've taken it, as I've been dragged through hell n still love her anyway. First one, first time...people say it was the nature of the r/s..but I believe I really love this person n if this period never happens again, we have enough in common to be happy. Would never have\never did consider this with anyone else. Some r so special to you to get through the net..some you can't deny what they've put/brought into your life no matter how much they destroy it afterwards...

 

This is also the problem with Ultimatums...you believe the love/past would bring the desired effect..the person you know you love/loves you but if they fail...n you weren't ready for them..your cred n any other thing you say loses power. Rereading some after all this time..lol...makes me realize I had some flaws during the r/s...not major at all..but I did nothing wrong post break-up..cause the actual thing didn't end until December's nightmare...just the active r/s.

 

Found those quotes lol..

 

 

you can love someone forever which i'm sure i will you but i still cant do this

 

even though youre the only [person i can trust i cant

 

yes it was and yes i trust you fully and always did but i still cant

 

i do love you.. right we hjave to pack up and get out very soon..i know i always will

 

Then the pressure was put on to actually meet me for the first time in person...n everything started changing. He was the safe.

Edited by sinnister
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I got the "let me test this crush out for a year" thing...n then if it doesn't work..we'll ride off into the sunset together. Prob should've taken it, as I've been dragged through hell n still love her anyway. First one, first time...people say it was the nature of the r/s..but I believe I really love this person n if this period never happens again, we have enough in common to be happy. Would never have\never did consider this with anyone else. Some r so special to you to get through the net..some you can't deny what they've put/brought into your life no matter how much they destroy it afterwards...

 

This is also the problem with Ultimatums...you believe the love/past would bring the desired effect..the person you know you love/loves you but if they fail...n you weren't ready for them..your cred n any other thing you say loses power. Rereading some after all this time..lol...makes me realize I had some flaws during the r/s...not major at all..but I did nothing wrong post break-up..cause the actual thing didn't end until December's nightmare...just the active r/s.

 

Found those quotes lol..

 

 

you can love someone forever which i'm sure i will you but i still cant do this

 

even though youre the only [person i can trust i cant

 

yes it was and yes i trust you fully and always did but i still cant

 

i do love you.. right we hjave to pack up and get out very soon..i know i always will

 

Then the pressure was put on to actually meet me for the first time in person...n everything started changing. He was the safe.

 

So your saying I've basically become her safety net? She knows she doesnt really have to work for my love anymore so that kind of makes sense. In our relationship, she claimed I was never intimate enough, never sweet enough and never made enough time for her. I then decided I wanted to be better and made those changes expecting things to be better than ever. Turns out, that didnt happen. Maybe she figures she conquered me and wants to move on to another man because I'm not as hard. I find it unlikely but it does seem like a plausible scenerio.

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You're 2 steps from where I'm at. Just tell her off dude. "I love you but I can't be with you, take care, goodbye"

 

Ignore her for a long time. See other women yourself.

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So your saying I've basically become her safety net? She knows she doesnt really have to work for my love anymore so that kind of makes sense. In our relationship, she claimed I was never intimate enough, never sweet enough and never made enough time for her. I then decided I wanted to be better and made those changes expecting things to be better than ever. Turns out, that didnt happen. Maybe she figures she conquered me and wants to move on to another man because I'm not as hard. I find it unlikely but it does seem like a plausible scenerio.

 

Exactly on BOTH fronts IMHO. You keep topping yourself and don't know it with some women, and they feel taken for granted after a while, when they're really taking so. Homebrew could be right in that both of ours has some growing up to do...I think we need to let them actually experience bad r/s's again, n not be scared what the future will hold for ourselves n just be prepared to never need them again. Srsly, I've never grown or worked harder (yeah I was a pushover to some..but she grew from my resolve too..my only being pushed over was the amount of time I gave to her..I was open and myself for the rest..until the end). I've hit highs you've prob experienced too...it just b/c's routine, and if you're dealing with someone that can't be satisfied at times..even if you don't know it...you eventually top out. That's why, yes the focus now has to be to get her back..but once back..it's all about you from that point.

 

If the safety net breaks...let it and keep growing for awhile. I was told, as will you, that we were the best they'd ever had, they r just not nesters right now. Let go and let her self-destruct..we may not like what we see if/when it returns..but if you support her now...she will probably come back later..but you'll have the power from then on. For now, you just have to play this out..any pulling out now makes you as flaky as she is..but I would still probe in as many ways as you can, whether it's about another man...then you can really take the high road out.

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betterdeal

Sounds quite fickle. Whatever issues she has, they are hers and a relationship with you is not complimentary to them. Fickle people are unstable, and what they need most is stability. You can give her that by making it clear you are not going to bounce in and out of a push-me-pull-you relationship. If this was a book, it'd be the rough sketching of a new novelist. What is more satisfying is a full narrative, a plot, the finished product.

 

Set your own boundaries and terms, and make these clear to her. Be careful what you promise, and you will be able to keep those promises that are made carefully.

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Exactly on BOTH fronts IMHO. You keep topping yourself and don't know it with some women, and they feel taken for granted after a while, when they're really taking so. Homebrew could be right in that both of ours has some growing up to do...I think we need to let them actually experience bad r/s's again, n not be scared what the future will hold for ourselves n just be prepared to never need them again. Srsly, I've never grown or worked harder (yeah I was a pushover to some..but she grew from my resolve too..my only being pushed over was the amount of time I gave to her..I was open and myself for the rest..until the end). I've hit highs you've prob experienced too...it just b/c's routine, and if you're dealing with someone that can't be satisfied at times..even if you don't know it...you eventually top out. That's why, yes the focus now has to be to get her back..but once back..it's all about you from that point.

 

If the safety net breaks...let it and keep growing for awhile. I was told, as will you, that we were the best they'd ever had, they r just not nesters right now. Let go and let her self-destruct..we may not like what we see if/when it returns..but if you support her now...she will probably come back later..but you'll have the power from then on. For now, you just have to play this out..any pulling out now makes you as flaky as she is..but I would still probe in as many ways as you can, whether it's about another man...then you can really take the high road out.

For now, I'm just going to sit back and let her come to me. She has some important events coming up that I would have liked to be apart of but it's probably for the better. I just hope that if or when she does come back, that I like what I see. I hope there is still some innocence left in her. For both our sakes.

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Sounds quite fickle. Whatever issues she has, they are hers and a relationship with you is not complimentary to them. Fickle people are unstable, and what they need most is stability. You can give her that by making it clear you are not going to bounce in and out of a push-me-pull-you relationship. If this was a book, it'd be the rough sketching of a new novelist. What is more satisfying is a full narrative, a plot, the finished product.

 

Set your own boundaries and terms, and make these clear to her. Be careful what you promise, and you will be able to keep those promises that are made carefully.

When the time comes and she is ready to talk, boundries will be made. If she cant abide by them then were simply not going to work out.

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betterdeal

It might be a case of changing how much you depend on each other. Less contact, more individual time, that sort of thing. Just talk and listen. Of course, if she doesn't wish to do either then the relationship has broken down. If she does, you have room to adjust, negotiate, grow as a couple.

 

All entirely up to you.

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It might be a case of changing how much you depend on each other. Less contact, more individual time, that sort of thing. Just talk and listen. Of course, if she doesn't wish to do either then the relationship has broken down. If she does, you have room to adjust, negotiate, grow as a couple.

 

All entirely up to you.

 

She admitted that she wanted more time outside of me and I compromised. But then it started to get to the point that she was cancelling our plans to hang with her girls. There just seemed like a rift was slowly developing and the emotional connection was dwindling. I'm going to give her the time she needs, but she needs to learn to compromise. I stressed that before we broke up and she wasnt willing to oblige.

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