2nd breakup and I really want her back!

[LittleMonkey]

Hello, I feel like I really don't have anyone else to turn to for advice, I've searched around the internet for a case similar to mine, but couldn't really find one. Sorry for the looong story, I just wanted to show a wide picture. I hope you'll have the strength to read this and help me. I'm also not sure it's the right forum, oh well, thanks.

 

We met about 4.5 years ago, she was a few years younger than me. In the first almost 3 years we've had a great time, although we've had some fights in which I'v pushed her to show her feelings (she's hard on that) everything else were great, it was a semi LDR, we were seeing each other at weekends and sometimes for a day in the middle of the week. My parents were not very happy with our relationship, as she was younger and dressed in somewhat alternative fashion. They didn't treat her nicely at all at first. We've sticked together though. Us against the world.

 

It seems that we've fallen into a routine, and didn't do anything together, just sitting, she's on facebook most of the time and me too. It disturbed me how she wouldn't talk about emotions to me, I've felt she wouldn't open up. We got into an argument on th phone, and she wouldn't talk to me for days, I met her on the way home (I waited for her, wanted to say I'm sorry) and we did. Two weeks later we've gotten into a stupid fight that made me angry, I told her she didn't want to do anything and blamed her, and walkd out. She texted me we need a break, and a short time after she said I can date other girls, as this is a breakup. I didn't want to date other girls! I wanted her! I was a newbie to this then (she's my first girlfriend), and came over to her with a rose, trying to tell her I love her and she's important to me, but I saw it wouldn't do any good, and she told me she met someone. She also wanted us to remain friends. Having learned from grim past experiences, I knew it was no good and told her I couldn't bear this, it will kill me. So i left.

 

I was in the bottom of hell, I haven't eaten in 5 days after that, I felt it was all my fault, I caused this and should be punished, this is my punishment. It hurt me like nothing else. I felt as though I have no one really to comfort me for the pain. Then I've learned about NC. I've stopped all communications with her already, and tried to rise from the ashes, work on things that were issues... Eventually after about 2 weeks she called to ask what's up. I acted cool, and asked about meeting. I might have rushed things here, I'm not sure...

 

We've met, I tried to show confidence, show her a cool me. we've met some more, and she told me she kissed some other guy at that time of about 2 weeks after we've started seeing each other, but I didn't hold it against her, she was confused. Eventually we got back together, and had more good time and experiences.

 

On my birthday she made me this really romantic gift, an album with pictures of us along the years and with a dedication and places for more pictures... she wrote we have an unbreakable bond.

 

So the days passed and again we've entered a routine, and me, in my stupidity, didn't notice it. I've had chances to try to prevent it but didn't act on it. during the last month or two, things might have changed... We weren't meeting as often as before, mostly only at weekends, and holidays were each with his own family, unlike before.. I felt she wasn't doing anything for her life, only facebook all the time, and I'm not talking about work or school, even hobbies would be nice, and I've tried to push her to do some stuff, even play games together, and these things she did before, but not in the recent past. Friday of about a week ago we talked as usual, and asking about games, which we've started but suddenly didn't want anymore annoyed me, yet another something she doesn't want to do, together. I asked her if that's what she prefers, to be stuck on facebook all the time, and that she isn't doing anything. She was hurt by that' and I didn't know how much, she told me that I'm not doing anything either and that turned into an ugly argument, and on chat at that. She got offline, and I've called but she wouldn't answer. I've called and called and when she did she didn't want to listen, she cried, and I didn't understand I've hurt her so. Eventually she didn't answer at all.

 

The day after that I've waited, and she called in the afternoon to tell me that an abandoned kitten we've been looking after is dying, and later died as there was no way to get him to the vet in time even tough we wanted. I tried to comfort her, as I've known the loss of pets... I wrote something for the little kitten, and asked her later if she would read it. To me, on the phone it felt like she's already forgotten about it, and it bugged me. She said she didn't want to read it because it would make her sad again. I've told her that it's ok to be sad sometimes, and she should not suppress everything, that she should talk about what hurts her. She took it as if I want her to be sad and didnt want to talk anymore. the day after that I tried calling, I've understood that shes hurt and I wanted to make amends. She didn't answer the phone, and when I got hold of her on facebook, she sounded kind of impassive to me. Later she said I'm annoying and depressing and nothing I said helped. I tried to stay calm, to talk things over, to change subjects, talk about regular stuff, the call ended on a strange tone.

 

A day passed, trying to call her and got no answer (monday), tuesday I waited for something and nothing came, wednesday I've called again and nothing. On thursday I decided to go to her and apologise for all that happened. I dressed up, made noodles that she always loved, and went there. She didn't know what I was doing there when I arrived. I told her she must be mad, she said "no", I've asked why she didn't aswer, and she said as if I didn't know. I told her I was really sorry and that I didn't want to hurt her. She said that only after we've broken up I act nice. Broken up?? She said what did I think it was. I took out the noodles as I was finding out I can't really do anything then, but before I went (she asked me to stay, probably to try and make me into a friend) I asked her, because of one fight we break up? Why not try and work things out? I said I'm really sorry and that I loved her so much...I tried to remind her the album... She said it was the same things as before and that she's thought about that already. I went for the door, and she told me to take the noodles, obviously I didn't, and before I left I told her that I really loved her and she was so important to me but I will not be waiting. With that I left.

 

I really want her back. I miss her so much, I haven't contacted her since then, but will NC work again? The first breakup was 1.5 years ago, it feels as if I've been on a warning all that time. We were a team, and now she just turned her back on me, like I'm a stranger. I know that if I'll be given another chance I'll make it right and never fall again, I just wanted her to shine and not sink into doing nothing, wanted us to do things together, but it all came out as pressure on her. I feel horrible.

 

What do I do now? I don't want to forget about her. I try to be strong now, to do things... But is there a chance for me?

[Fedor]

Do you really want someone back who was willing to get with other guys so soon after a long term relationship? That kind of thing aint right. Then, you guys continuously hit a rut. Sounds to me like a break up is needed. The relationship seems like a safety net for her but it's hard to really say. If you really love this girl though, dont give up but just make sure she is truly the one you want because things can get messy.

[LittleMonkey]

Hey, Thanks for the reply!

Look, that deal with that other guy was a long time ago, and I think it was due to confusion, a rebound thing...

I really love her and miss her, but I keep thinking what is she thinking, does she remember me?

I admit we do have some issues to attend but it's nothing that can't be fixed, and it's not that we fight all the time...

I want to know that she would call, I'm on NC, I need the hope that 2nd break up is not a final one!

Any advice?