justagirrl Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 I've been NC for 1 day now. It's very hard for me because I really want to see him and talk in person...would it be bad, maybe in a few days like this weekend to just send him a text saying "i miss you...can we get together?" I know he just wants to be friends right now...so I don't want that to seem like I still have feelings for him, or make myself look needy. Is "I miss you" not a good way to say it? I know he misses me...he's just one of those guys (just graduated college) who's so convinced he doesn't want to be tied down right now =/ Link to post Share on other sites
jstobo Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 If he was the one who caused the break up, then NO, NO, NO!!!! Do not under any circumstance do that. You will feel absolutely terrible when he doesn't respond back or worse yet, responds coldly. You need to be patient and move on!! Period. Oh and in case I didn't say it clear enough. NO, NO, NO!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Pump the breaks, justagirrl! It will only push him further away. Keep your head held high and respect yourself. When people feel like they don't want to be tied down, best thing to do is let them fly. It's not easy and it hurts, but it is for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justagirrl Posted May 18, 2011 Author Share Posted May 18, 2011 If he was the one who caused the break up, then NO, NO, NO!!!! Do not under any circumstance do that. You will feel absolutely terrible when he doesn't respond back or worse yet, responds coldly. You need to be patient and move on!! Period. Oh and in case I didn't say it clear enough. NO, NO, NO!! We have only been dating for 6 months, and we were never an "official" couple. He said he doesn't want a relationship right now, but when I was attempting to end things because he knew what I wanted...he said he liked hooking up, and so did i...So me being weak, I agreed to that. So that's where we are right now, but I'm trying not to talk to him because I want him to realize if he really wants me or not. I just miss him a lot. I haven't seen him in 3 weeks. I did see him the other night but it's because he was at a party I went to and he was completely wasted and could barely stand up, so I came to his rescue and took him home. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 I MISS YOU TOO!!!! There! From the folks that like to hear from you and that give a damn about what happens to you! Good for you for posting here rather than sending him something! Stay strong girl! Link to post Share on other sites
jstobo Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 I still say NO, NO, NO. Let him come to you. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 I've been NC for 1 day now. It's very hard for me because I really want to see him and talk in person...would it be bad, maybe in a few days like this weekend to just send him a text saying "i miss you...can we get together?" I know he just wants to be friends right now...so I don't want that to seem like I still have feelings for him, or make myself look needy. Is "I miss you" not a good way to say it? I know he misses me...he's just one of those guys (just graduated college) who's so convinced he doesn't want to be tied down right now =/ He's not emotional. You are emotional. So a text like that, coming from you, screams emotional suffocation. He doesn't want to be tied down...a text like that will send him running. Let him come to you. If your intent for NC is to make him realize what he lost, well, if you keep breaking it, you are not giving him a chance to experience the loss because you are always smack dab infront of him. Stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justagirrl Posted May 18, 2011 Author Share Posted May 18, 2011 I still say NO, NO, NO. Let him come to you. I'm so scared that he wont Link to post Share on other sites
Author justagirrl Posted May 18, 2011 Author Share Posted May 18, 2011 He's not emotional. You are emotional. So a text like that, coming from you, screams emotional suffocation. He doesn't want to be tied down...a text like that will send him running. Let him come to you. If your intent for NC is to make him realize what he lost, well, if you keep breaking it, you are not giving him a chance to experience the loss because you are always smack dab infront of him. Stop. It just sucks because of the way things were left. He could have been joking in that text...and the way I responded, it looks like I'm mad. And he didn't even answer that...I just feel like I ruined it. Link to post Share on other sites
jstobo Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 I'm so scared that he wont Well then, right there is your answer. If he doesn't, he doesn't want to. If he WANTS to, he will. This is going to sound crazy, but my W broke up with me around the 4 month mark of our relationship. I went NC and after 4 days I broke it. We've been together ever since. For 13 years, I have wondered whether or not she would have come to me. Don't make that mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justagirrl Posted May 18, 2011 Author Share Posted May 18, 2011 Well then, right there is your answer. If he doesn't, he doesn't want to. If he WANTS to, he will. This is going to sound crazy, but my W broke up with me around the 4 month mark of our relationship. I went NC and after 4 days I broke it. We've been together ever since. For 13 years, I have wondered whether or not she would have come to me. Don't make that mistake. It's just hard...because it doesn't always happen that way. I've been so miserable...I have thoughts of him seeing other girls, even though when we agreed to be FWB, he said I'm the only girl he's seeing. He told me that before also...I've been the only girl, what if he's just telling me what I want to hear to keep me around... A few days ago we were texting, and he randomly sent me a picture of him with his shirt off and he was wearing an unzipped hoodie...obviously flexing. the caption said "abs are comin back!" ..............he knows I like him...come on now. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 (edited) No one said it would be easy. If it was, this site would not exist. You can't give in to your every emotion just because it is hard. If you do, you'll keep digging yourself a hole. Your desperation for this man to want and like you is evident. What about him makes you lose control this way? If he doesn't come after you does that mean you run and chase him even more? No, you walk away and hold on to your pride and dignity. Men do not respect women who don't respect themselves. Don't believe everything he tells you. If you are a FWB, it's likely he's striking the same deal with others. If you are willing to be an FWB, it's likely there are other women willing to be an FWB. And when presented, a guy will gladly accept. You make it all too easy for him. People will say and do whatever it takes to manipulate someone into being or doing what they want. It is up to you to call out that behavior and stay away from it. He sends you a half naked picture because he knows it will get to you. Simple. It's up to you to decide whether you stay away and not accept being toyed with or crumble and run after him because his abs made you do it. Edited May 18, 2011 by geegirl Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 I think you're being very naive about your situation. Please don't confuse the fact that just because he wants sex means he wants a relationship with you. He's stated clearly that he doesn't want a relationship and that's something you need to listen to. You said you've never actually been official- and that's a big red flag as well. Agreeing to be a FWB instead of a girlfriend is not going to make him want a relationship. Don't give that to him! The message that sends to him is that you are willing to be used (that you don't respect yourself). DO NOT tell him you miss him- don't give him the upper hand in that way. If you continue to have sex with him, you're going to end up getting hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
AmericanHoney Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Cut the strings and walk away. DO NOT I repeat DO NOT send him a text because you are bound to get hurt. There are times I want to text my ex ( even though he used me) but I realize it is not worth my time or effort. Please move on and do not contact him ever again if he wants you he knows where to find you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justagirrl Posted May 18, 2011 Author Share Posted May 18, 2011 Cut the strings and walk away. DO NOT I repeat DO NOT send him a text because you are bound to get hurt. There are times I want to text my ex ( even though he used me) but I realize it is not worth my time or effort. Please move on and do not contact him ever again if he wants you he knows where to find you. that's very true...he does know where to find me. my friend does professional videos at parties and club events...and a video of this party we were at got put up and there's a part of the video where me and his roommate are carrying him out of the party (i came to his rescue and drove him home that night) and he messaged me saying: "hahahahahah dyam i missed a great party its all good tho...cuz im making up for it tonight im going to the harrah's pool party in AC its gunna be insane...3,000 confirmed attending around the pool..were pre gaming in half hour! HOLLLLAAAAA lol oo and we got a room!" ...thanks a lot for letting me know. I didn't even respond to that. Maybe he will realize what an idiot he's being and by that time maybe i'll be over this. Link to post Share on other sites
NicoleM Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 Sometimes men can be so clueless and do not know what they are missing and you secretly wish they get karma. Link to post Share on other sites
ilovedhim Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 I wish karma exists and I wish it upon my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
NicoleM Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 Me too! I know I shouldn't wish ill will on anyone but for him I will because he took advantage of me and tossed me aside like I was a rag doll. Link to post Share on other sites
sun_moon Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 OMG this guy sounds like a jackass. Justagirl, if you were in front of me right now, if you were my sister or friend I would want to ring your neck. This guy is a jackass!!!!!!!!!! Snap out of your nativity and desperation and please go be young and live your life. I bet a million decent guys would love to date you the proper respectful way. Trashy people attract other trashy people, dont turn to that. He has sucked so much negative energy out of you and its not worth it. I promise you he is not doing the same with you, his energy is somewhere else far far away. I'm really sorry to be so forward but please, have you read the posts on LS. Justagirl, you sound so young, have you ever been in love? There are men and women on this site that feel like their insides are about to explode because their 1,2,3,4...5...10 year relationship is OVER. You dont know it yet but do you know how fortunate you are right now that you are not in their boat. I remember my first deep 'like" for a guy when I didnt know better and how it hurt when it was over then I think about my first break up from my 1st love, the pain does not compare, the pain of a relationship ending is so unbelievably painful. Please, leave this "child boy" behind and go be beautiful, young, and get attention of decent guys who would love to spend time with you. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 I am going through my second breakup....with my first love. (six years 3 straight etc.) Everytime someone says it's done...we both backpedal but she doesn't want to hear from me for "awhile". I want to message her but I made steps to NC as time progressed. When people are done with you they make excuses for their behavior. You will be ok, I promise. Don't sink into the game. Do not draw conclusions...even though I always want advice and opinions. If you stray away from the conclusions you can get your ego to shutup. Try to hold yourself accoutable for your mistakes if any and remember that love waxes and wanes. You might feel emotional pain but your ego is the only thing that hurts indefinately. Exist in this uncomfortable state and be ok with it. Be ok with yourself, alone. This pain provides an opportunity for growth. I am saying this for you and myself because I constantly forget that bit of information that I was told a few days ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 I think you're being very naive about your situation. Please don't confuse the fact that just because he wants sex means he wants a relationship with you. He's stated clearly that he doesn't want a relationship and that's something you need to listen to. You said you've never actually been official- and that's a big red flag as well. Agreeing to be a FWB instead of a girlfriend is not going to make him want a relationship. Don't give that to him! The message that sends to him is that you are willing to be used (that you don't respect yourself). DO NOT tell him you miss him- don't give him the upper hand in that way. If you continue to have sex with him, you're going to end up getting hurt. Agreed a million times over!!! Cut the strings and walk away. DO NOT I repeat DO NOT send him a text because you are bound to get hurt. There are times I want to text my ex ( even though he used me) but I realize it is not worth my time or effort. Please move on and do not contact him ever again if he wants you he knows where to find you. Agreed here too! P.S., I love your name... it's my favorite song these days - American Honey. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justagirrl Posted May 19, 2011 Author Share Posted May 19, 2011 OMG this guy sounds like a jackass. Justagirl, if you were in front of me right now, if you were my sister or friend I would want to ring your neck. This guy is a jackass!!!!!!!!!! Snap out of your nativity and desperation and please go be young and live your life. I bet a million decent guys would love to date you the proper respectful way. Trashy people attract other trashy people, dont turn to that. He has sucked so much negative energy out of you and its not worth it. I promise you he is not doing the same with you, his energy is somewhere else far far away. I'm really sorry to be so forward but please, have you read the posts on LS. Justagirl, you sound so young, have you ever been in love? There are men and women on this site that feel like their insides are about to explode because their 1,2,3,4...5...10 year relationship is OVER. You dont know it yet but do you know how fortunate you are right now that you are not in their boat. I remember my first deep 'like" for a guy when I didnt know better and how it hurt when it was over then I think about my first break up from my 1st love, the pain does not compare, the pain of a relationship ending is so unbelievably painful. Please, leave this "child boy" behind and go be beautiful, young, and get attention of decent guys who would love to spend time with you. I know, I am so young (19)...I just wish I knew what I signed up for He's made me such a negative person, my mom noticed a change in my behavior, and even my friends because I talk about him ALL THE TIME. I went to my best friends house, and her baby sister was watching Tarzan. The guy I'm stressing over resembles "Tarzan" lol all his friends call him that bc of his hair...it's like I can't escape the BS Link to post Share on other sites
Author justagirrl Posted May 19, 2011 Author Share Posted May 19, 2011 (edited) I really can't stop thinking about this it's so annoying. Edited May 19, 2011 by justagirrl Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 I woke up this morning really sad. You are not alone. You will heal and grow as a result of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justagirrl Posted May 19, 2011 Author Share Posted May 19, 2011 I woke up this morning really sad. You are not alone. You will heal and grow as a result of this. It just sucks and feels like time is going by so slow now that I'm NC Link to post Share on other sites
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