I think I'm Losing feelings.

[Jane-Doe]

I've been with my boyfriend for over 5 years. We've been through a lot together.

 

As of recently I feel as if I'm losing feelings for him, or I'm just building up resentment. I'm not such which is. I've felt this way before, but I've gotten over it, then thing's were fine again.

 

I think the issue has to do with the lack of space I get from him. We live together and are with each other 24/7. He moved to this province to be with me. He doesn't have a social life due to not knowing anyone in the area. We've been living together for over a year.

 

Sometimes I feel as if I'm trapped in a cell. I feel like he tries to keep me from things, and I can't stand it.

 

When I talk to him about having some space, he gets angry that I'll be leaving him with "nothing to do" and then assumes that it automatically means that I'll leave him.

 

His communication skills are terrible, while I try and be open and honest with him, he avoids the subject like the plague. He also gets defensive or completely ignores me.

 

More then anything, I could use a few days away from him to see how I feel.

 

No other guy is in the picture. My focus is far from wanting to be with other people. (Although it's normal to wonder about it, I generally don't desire to jump into another relationship.)

 

The problem with taking space right now is that he is leaving in a month. He is moving provinces away from me. He is moving back with his family for a few months so that he can pay off his debts, and eventually move away with me.

 

With the above being said, I don't want to waste any of the time I have with him now encase he doesn't come back for a longer period than expected.

 

We do fight, he has a negative attitude and it drives me crazy. He also has major OCD to a point where it completely turns me off from him.

 

Lately we've been snapping at each other randomly, and he will give me this attitude and raise his voice. I end up telling him back off and telling him not to talk to me in that manor ad to respect me. He eventually apologizes, but it leaves me with added resentment.

 

To add to the drama, his family (in which he is moving with) has tried to split us up numerous times. His sister has made up lies, and his mother has called my house telling me how wrong I am for her son. I honestly don't like his family, they've never given me a chance. I don't agree with the way they treat others, and I don't agree with they're attitude. Most of his attitude comes from them.

 

Best part about it all: They never met me in there life, never took the effort to try in 5 years. So this clearly adds to my resentment pile, as my family has been nothing but good to him.

 

I feel that things may turn around. That once he leaves I'll have my 1 month of peace, and then eventually things will go back to being all lovely. Maybe I'll miss him and regain that spark.

 

I'm not sure if I'm in love with him, or just afraid to move on because I'm used to having him around.

 

It's weird because sometimes I can look at him, and my eyes will light up and I'll feel all fuzzy. And then after it will go away and I'll feel guilty.

 

He's sleeping right now and it's adorable. I just don't get it, it goes from smiles, to me doubting my feelings. I just looked at him and smiled, but then it turned into a brown because of this post...

 

I've tried to talk to him about this recently, but the mention of "space" or "break" worries him. He thinks that we are okay. He doesn't see us splitting up anytime soon.

 

He was brining up engagement, and I feel guilty for trying to avoid the subject. I can hardly think about the relationship, how could I possibly consider marriage at this point?

 

I guess I'm here to ask, has anyone else went through this? Did you get through it? Any other words of encouragement here? I'm not ready to give up just yet.

[1437]

i honestly understand how you feel lol, i was with this guy and we were only together for 3 months, but in that three months i had cravings for him one day and spazzes cause i didnt want to see him the next. i think what happend was that i didnt really know him well enough to begin with. do you think you know him well enough? maybe tell him that you guys need to understand each other better.

[Jane-Doe]

i honestly understand how you feel lol, i was with this guy and we were only together for 3 months, but in that three months i had cravings for him one day and spazzes cause i didnt want to see him the next. i think what happend was that i didnt really know him well enough to begin with. do you think you know him well enough? maybe tell him that you guys need to understand each other better.

 

After 5 years we know each other pretty well. We can finish each others sentences, and guess each others thoughts.

 

I share things with him that I wouldn't share with others. He's seen me when I look my worst, and when I've looked my best. He accepts my flaws, and how weird I can be.

 

I think the problem is that I lost a bit of myself in this relationship, and I need to find it.

 

He has taken up so much of my time, that I haven't really searched out of it. I lack a great social life, I need to get it back too. Arg.

[Fedor]

Look, you have to tell him that you may be losing feelings for him. Even he wants to avoid it, he has to hear it. After 5 years in a relationship, you owe it to him wheather he likes it or not. I currently feel like my gf is drifting away from me. It hurts me really bad but I would feel better right now if she simply told she didnt feel the same for me.

[ummike26]

I was just in your bf's shoes... My ex-gf and I lived together and it ruined everything. She became very distant and the spark she felt for me died.. She ended up leaving me while I was at school.. She also cheated on me.. Whatever you do.. Don't be that insensitive. I would have rather of had her be open and honest from the beginning. If he doesn't like to talk about things get his attention some how b/c the feelings you have will only get worse. I was naive and thought things were not great but good when in reality she was planning to leave me.. The best thing to do for your r/ship to last is for you or him to move out.

[Jane-Doe]

I have mentioned this to him recently. He ends up avoiding the subject, he'd rather not hear it.

 

As I said, I'm not ready to give up yet and I want to try and regain that spark.

 

I feel that I lost myself in the relationship, I need to find myself out. However, id be happy for him to be apart of it, if we can work through the conflict.

 

 

... Did you guys read the whole post?

[Fedor]

Yeah, I acknowledged that you tried coming to him but that can't stop you. He's basically living in a fantasy world while your trying to find yourself. It's not fair to both parties. Now, I am all for working through it together as I am against breaks but you have to be on the same page. Its not healthy to have a relationship where two people arent on the same page. The resentment builds up and trust me, I know that feeling.

[Jane-Doe]

I feel that once he moves we will get better. As I will have my own space and time apart to work on myself.

 

We live like hermits, didn't go out much last season. We are around achother 24/7 and its a killer to the relationship.

 

Its been rainy so we havent been going out lately either. We have one pc which we fight over (lol). There isnt much to do either.

 

And he has a negative attitude with a short fuse. I am more of a positve person, so we clash in these areas.

 

I will bring it up again if my head doesnt clear in a few days.

[Fedor]

So you guys often operate on a routine? Yeah, I can see how that can get stale. Your bf kind of reminds me of myself as I used to want my girl around me 24/7. I am now kind of learning that it cant always be like that. We both need worlds outside of eachother. Although I still hate letting her do her own thing, I'm learning to adapt. Hopefully the time apart does some good. Just be honest with him and let him here your feelings when you want to talk about such things in the relationship.

[Jane-Doe]

Yes, exactly. Sometimes I feel as if he is keeping me away from the world, and its what adds resentment.

 

I do get out and see friends on occasion, but I wish Id get out more. I find that he is often selfish, he puts his needs over mine. (Not all the time) This is why we fight.

 

He often takes things that are mine, and expects me to be fine with it. Drives me up the wall. Fff.

 

He doesn't like space as he assumes it means a breakup. In my case, it really just is space. I need the time to be alone and just focus on my own feelings for a change.

 

He doesnt realize that the time apart will do more good then negative.

[RareBreed]

Wow I can 100% relate to this situation. & it's most Definately a tough one. My ex was the same way. She even hit me hit me with the "you cant go because I won't have anything to do!" so I cut everyone off & she met her old/new friends & got buckwild. :\

[GivenUp0083]

I've been on the opposite end of this as well. OP: he probably senses something and it's eating him up inside. If not, then when you tell him it's over (if you come to that conclusion) he will not be emotionally prepared and you make the breakup much harder to deal with than if he saw it coming.

 

Give him a chance to change things or express his feelings as well. Just be open, tell him you respect him and feel like you owe him complete honesty at this stage and see where it goes. Don't have a goal, don't have an agenda, just be open about it and discuss it.

[EgoJoe]

Try having a conversation where you both me feeling statements and another after some time where you have thinking statements.

 

"I feel like...."

 

"I think that..."

 

All to often I myself will confuse my thoughts and feelings. Probably not the greatest advice but it's an approach.

[Jane-Doe]

I let him know how I was feeling.

 

Also told him that Im not willing to give up and that while we are together now I want to work on regaining our relationship spark.

 

He was negative, but I think he may be willing to put some effort. We planned a date for this weekend.

 

He came to the dentist with me today, was big for me as I was scared to death about getting a tooth pulled. He waited for me in the lobby to make sure I was ok.

 

He is bitter at times, but deep down he does have a warm heart.

[EgoJoe]

Meant to say "make" and not "me" but I guess my selfishness shows even while typing.

 

I think it's a good thing that you are trying so hard and being so open. My relationship started to end in a similar manner but not only was I unprepared she wasn't either and it ended up being a loss of interest/GiGs/Disillusionment process.

 

Just take to heart that no matter what happens you'll both have the realization that everything that could possibly be done, was.

 

Goodluck to you and your Significant Other.