Having trouble letting go

[GivenUp0083]

It's been 12 days since my gf broke up with me, and tonight was the first night I went home early from a party with friends, climbed into bed, and cried over her. I haven't broken contact to this point, but something is telling me to contact her. I just feel like this was so easy for her to end this eventhough she cried when she broke it off and I didn't. She hasn't tried to contact me, and I feel it's because she never cared. I still can't believe this actually happened. She made me so happy. I've never had any luck with women I've dated and been in relationships with in the past, many of them treated me poorly and this girl actually made me feel awesome every time I saw her. If I could turn back the clock I would just hold her in my arms one last time and just remember that moment. I never really got to say goodbye or tell her what I felt about the breakup or anything. I just said "ok bye" basically and went into shock. Now I'm a mess.

 

I contacted her best friend (who is dating my best friend) and told her I was thinking of calling my ex and if she missed me. She didn't tell me if she missed me, she just said that it sounds like I'm having a hard time and that calling her won't make me any happier. Basically that confirms that my ex didn't give a **** about me and has easily moved on and that what I thought was SOOOO fcking special was "just another relationship" to her. I still miss her so much, it's like I blinked and we were done, just like that. Went from being super happy with an amazing girl to never being able to talk to her again according to the entire world (friends, family, this forum).

 

Anyway, I asked her friend not to say anything about this to my ex, but I'm sure she'll tell her at some point. I screwed up, but this is almost killing me. The truth is that I'm not that great of a person. I typically have only looked out for myself in the last 10 years of my life. I will never meet another girl as caring and as kind as my ex and she made me happier than anyone I've ever met before. It's hard for me to meet potential women for dating purposes, pretty much the only way I've met women for dates in the last 5 years was online dating and those women are fcked up and my chances online are slim. I NEVER meet women in daily life with any interest in dating me, ever. I know now that I must be meant for something else in this world, and getting married and being happy with a woman is not something meant for me. It just hurts to realize it.

[Ajax]

Sorry to hear you're having trouble letting go. I can relate, and I know it's really hard to lose someone you care for so much. It's especially painful when you feel marginalized and as if you're just another ex on the list. I definately felt that way when my ex left me. One day I was her world and the next I was just a replaceable part.

 

But you're not new to LS, so you should know that you base your self worth on how you think other's value you... even if you feel that way.

 

I know now that I must be meant for something else in this world, and getting married and being happy with a woman is not something meant for me. It just hurts to realize it.

 

This really got to me though. I've thought the same thing on many occasions, and even now, I wonder if I'm really meant to find a partner. It's true that some people remain single. But it's also true that you never know what's going to happen. I know it doesn't make you feel any better now, but keep in in mind for later.

 

Take care, stay strong, and be good to yourself.

[GivenUp0083]

I feel a little bit better today, but it's clear I should steer clear of alcohol in the future, I didn't drink very much, but clearly it was enough to send me in a downward spiral. I still meant what I said though, I do miss her, I still can't believe this happened, and I can't believe that I cared for her so much and was under the impression that she did as well and then she could go ahead and throw it away. Makes you never want to date again. The risk is too great.

[turokturok5]

Don't worry buddy theres lots of guys in the same position as you are. Thing is, i think your right to be honest - that she doesn't really care about you anymore...im sorry to put it like that but i guess if she hasn't made an effort to contact you at all then like you said, your just another ex, im in the exact same position and i feel exactly the same as you. Atleast your ex's best friend was honest, my ex's best friend kept filling me with false hope and i just got even more hurt. But on the other hand she is doing you a favour, if she isn't contacting you then you know it's done and dusted and you can move on, don't go looking for a partner just live your life and someone will find you.

[GivenUp0083]

Don't worry buddy theres lots of guys in the same position as you are. Thing is, i think your right to be honest - that she doesn't really care about you anymore...im sorry to put it like that but i guess if she hasn't made an effort to contact you at all then like you said, your just another ex, im in the exact same position and i feel exactly the same as you. Atleast your ex's best friend was honest, my ex's best friend kept filling me with false hope and i just got even more hurt. But on the other hand she is doing you a favour, if she isn't contacting you then you know it's done and dusted and you can move on, don't go looking for a partner just live your life and someone will find you.

 

I think you're right. I've put myself out there too much. I'm not a needy guy who tries to hard, but I definately try to create too much opportunity. I need to say fck these women and their standards and their disillusioned true love expectations. I just need to have fun and stop caring for other people. My ex in her last email told me what she reflects on about what she learned from being together....well I learned that I won't put someone ahead of myself ever again. If you're not naturally happy just being around me then I'm no longer going to go out of my way to make someone else happy then. It's pointless because it's a lose-lose. You aren't making them happy becaue you don't do certain things, and if you try to do certain things you think they will appreciate then it just gets you dumped out of left field. I think I can take something positive from this, and that's not going to try to make someone happy ever again. I've typically been selfish about doing what I want anyway, so I should just go with that. Me is all that really matters.