dc_al_al Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 2 years ago in May 2009 I met a 20 year old Ukrainian girl in the USA (I'm American) and I was 25 at the time. She was on a summer job visa for 4 months. So from May '09 until Sept.'09 we started a relationship which toward the end had become very serious and involved (we even discussed marriage as an option so she would not need to leave, however it was too soon.) So she goes back to Ukraine in Sept.'09 after 4 months of being together everyday and doing many things (in this time we took trips to New York, Miami, Philadelphia, went to concerts, etc.) So she goes back and we decide I will come in Dec.'09 to visit her which I do (and the 3 months apart we call and email about 5 times per week every week.) I arrive in Ukraine in Dec'.09 and stay for 3 months until March '10. In that time things are like they were when we were together in the USA. (During this time we took trips as well, Thailand, Paris, Holland). So this is an extremely serious relationship at this point. I leave in March '10 with the plan of her visiting again in July '10 to the USA for 2 months which she does. During this time we are still going strong like before. (we also travel to California in this time). Now this time she has to go back to complete her university studies and I can not make it back until April '11 (7 months this time). During which 7 months have been like previous times apart either phone calls or emails 4-5 time week. When I arrive in Ukraine in April '11 within a week she tells me she doesn't want to be together anymore, her feelings have changed, she doesn't love me....I am completely devastated by this....throughout this 2 year relationship I had always put her first cared for her first put her needs #1 (we only had the occasional fight like every relationship). I want to include that I NEVER forgot a birthday or valentine's day or anniversary and always got her very nice and thoughtful gifts and dinners because I loved her (and still do). How is it possible that she can come with she just has different feelings and doesn't want to be together she wants someone different (a different personality) how do 2 YEARS seem like NOTHING to her??? how??? I am devastated I am lost.........I really am .......... Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 throughout this 2 year relationship I had always put her first cared for her first put her needs #1. That is your answer on why her feelings changed for you. Link to post Share on other sites
JasonRules Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 When I arrive in Ukraine in April '11 within a week she tells me she doesn't want to be together anymore, her feelings have changed, she doesn't love me.... And she couldn't tell you BEFORE you spent all that money to go over there? Let me give you some advice since I'm 40 and have plenty of experience with Russian/Ukranian women. Do NOT date Russian/Ukranian women. I have dated plenty of them and in general this is what I've found all of them to be: 1. Selfish 2. Lazy 3. Overtly materialistic 4. Narcissists 5. Gold-diggers/money hungry 6. Are only looking for a man to take care of them so they don't have to work (see No. 2) 7. Cold 8. Unemotional/Unaffectionate 9. Not very feminine Link to post Share on other sites
fetish Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 That is your answer on why her feelings changed for you. So is that really why someone's feeling change? Because you care about them too much? I guess i'm still learning because no way ever seems right. When you're an a$$ to the girls, they have a problem too. Love is confusing. A Catch 22 @ best. Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 So is that really why someone's feeling change? Because you care about them too much? I guess i'm still learning because no way ever seems right. When you're an a$$ to the girls, they have a problem too. Love is confusing. A Catch 22 @ best. Nobody wants to be your EVERYTHING! Life Balance is an important life skill that is required for one to be normal and healthy. Your partner falls in love with who you are! If you stop being that person and look solely to them for your identity, self-worth, value and happiness... You have a very unhealthy person and relationship. I personally want to be with someone that is interesting, challenges me, teaches me, brings something new and different to the table, etc. not a mirror image of myself! Link to post Share on other sites
JasonRules Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 So is that really why someone's feeling change? Because you care about them too much? I guess i'm still learning because no way ever seems right. When you're an a$$ to the girls, they have a problem too. Love is confusing. A Catch 22 @ best. I have noticed this as well from personal experience. When I'm very into a woman and give 120% eventually they grow bored, tired, and start to look elsewhere. Whereas, if I'm cool, non-chalant, enigmatic, and never tell them how I feel, they don't go anywhere. My last relationship was a big wake up call to never be like that again. Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Let me give an example of Life Balance so you understand what I am talking about: I love and enjoy playing sports... So throughout the year I am doing one of the following: Flag Football, volleyball, running, working out, softball, skiing, etc. This is a very normal and healthy thing for me to do. It's important and good for me. So if I am dating someone, if they love and care about me, they will encourage and support me in it. If they want to see me, come to my game or better yet, come do it with me. I am not going to give up this activity for her or anyone else. I won't and shouldn't have too (Add kids into the mix... Life changes but I am not talking about that) Now if something IMPORTANT came up, I would have no problem skipping that night to do whatever it is that is more important. However, being with my GF because she has nothing to do is not one of those. If she has a cold, she can take care of herself. Visiting and Spending time with my family is another important Life Balance thing for me to do... So the same applies here. She is more than welcome to come along and visit with me when I do go (which isn't that much) but I am not going to stop doing what makes me happy, what makes me successful and what makes me "ME". Hope this helps! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dc_al_al Posted May 4, 2011 Author Share Posted May 4, 2011 Should I try to discuss with her why she has lost feelings and how we can have a future together? Link to post Share on other sites
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