Fern Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 Less than 9 months ago I discovered my boyfriend of 6 years, whom I was living with, was cheating on me with a co-worker. After we broke up he started seeing her straight away - breaking up her relationship with her fiancee and babydaddy. I honestly thought for a while that I was going to die. Now? Meh! Not so much! I can honestly say now that I'm GLAD it happened. I wouldn't change anything about it. I know the pain feels unbearable - I REMEMBER well. But know this - YOU WILL NOT FEEL THIS BAD FOREVER. You won't even feel this bad as long as you suspect now. I am so happy he is out of my life. I feel like I've just recovered from Stockholm Syndrome. I'm in such a good place now I can't even tell you. Your mind is clouded now with grief and loss of self-esteem and that pesky attachment is telling you you've lost something - you've just GAINED you. Know this too - you are going to feel unrelentingly SH*T for many months. It took me about 3 months to stop crying every day and about 4 months to stop crying several times a week. Even 6 months after the breakup I sometimes wondered if I was permanently broken. The healing takes AGES and it goes so slowly at the start and you have to FIGHT for it - you have to kill the negative thoughts straight away and be positive and make plans and lean on your friends and get back out there to have fun. You have to love yourself more than you love them! But when the healing starts, it gets faster and faster - like an open wound it takes forever to knit, but once the scabbing stage starts it FLIES. Do yourself a favour - don't go taking a knife to that open wound by contacting. Or by replying to contacts from them. Let it heal! Loveshack saved my life by letting me vent when I needed to and letting me know I wasn't alone in feeling the way I did. Use this place. Read, post, help others see the light and MOVE ON. You can. If I can, anyone can. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, but I learned a lot about myself. Never again will my self esteem become something at the mercy of another person. I am FABULOUS. I am smart and sexy and a good person and I GENUINELY feel sorry for my ex that he lost me. He's an idiot. And I've never had so much male attention in my life as I do right now. You will move on. You WILL love yourself again and you will be loved all the better for learning whatever lesson the universe sent this trial to you to learn. I know you feel terrible right now, but time will take care of that if you take care of yourself. And I know 9 months sounds like forever right now, but time flies! Do not despair! You will come out the other side better than ever. I promise. xxxx Link to post Share on other sites
Rose T Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 Hey Fern! I needed a bit of LS today and I'm so glad to find your thread on here! I've been doing so well, going out, meeting new people, over 50 days NC, but today I feel really down, like I'm missing him... maybe the good weather is reminding me of last summer. I'm not going to do anything daft but I'd forgotten about feeling like this and it sucks! Everything you wrote is pure gold though, I have to second that you really have to stick to NC (just to be boring lol ) and that I too feel that the whole break-up has given me more than it has taken away. It's a big old lesson and for me, it's made me a more compassionate person. I also believe that these kinds of lessons, handled the right way, can really help break unhealthy cycles. It's about taking the time to heal and waiting for a good person to come along rather than trying to push things. Brava Fern. xxx Link to post Share on other sites
eruditorum Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
melenkurion Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 This is a really encouraging thread even for those of us just a few months behind, Fern. I hope to be where you are in a couple of months time. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulFinger Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 Fern, Thank you for your inspiring thread..I'm 10 months down the line of a break up and not even as far as you are.But to read your thread is great. So good luck with your progress and thanks again for the moral support. Link to post Share on other sites
stephmichelle Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 Thank you for this. It's a gloomy, rainy day out and I'm feeling extra depressed today about everything. I'm laying in bed with my laptop and relying on posts like this to lift me up a little and help me resist from calling him. I can't wait until I'm completely healed - I don't cry everyday anymore, but at least a couple times a week and it's been 2 months already. I'm praying that it doesn't take 6 months, but we always did everything together during summer so I'm worried that'll be hard too Link to post Share on other sites
PinkChic Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 Thank you for this, fern. Yesterday was such a bad day for me... I am a strong person (or so i thought) and I (usually) hold a very strong shell but yesterday... as my boss was praising me for a good job on a project at work tears just came rolling down my eyes (and I NEVER cry!)... out of nowhere!... I went home early and I litterally had the WORST emotional break down I have EVER had in my life. Today I woke up sounding awful but I felt better... Today was the first time I ate in 3 days and I felt at peace today... I think we all need those melt down days to remember how far we've come. Good Luck to everyone and thanks for sharing, fern. Link to post Share on other sites
sandman223 Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 Thank you for this. This is good stuff Link to post Share on other sites
Damia Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Hi Fern congrats on your healing journey.You are an inspiration.Hold your head high you are destined for great things I'm sure. I was married 20 years, 8 mths ago my H had an A with the barmaid at his fav drinking establishment ! Not the first time (also with his best friends wife!)but was the last straw for me.Im at the same stage as you really enjoying finding me and enjoying all the positives of not having the looser around ( there are a surprising amount of them). I'm interested to hear if your x is still in his relationship with OW ? sorry if this is a tender spot for you but like so many others the vindictive streak in me would love to see my x and his OW crash and burn. We have 2 children who hardly see their father as he is to busy trying to be young again.He is 48 OW is 29 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamscape123 Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 a great post, and one that should give everyone one here hope. This site really does help, as it is full of like minded people. I have found comfort talking to many people, and currently myself and a nother user on here have taken on the challenges of all this at the same time. The support really helps Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Great Post, Great site. This site has helped me heal at a rate I could not have dreamed of 3 months ago. Cheers LS Link to post Share on other sites
phn guy Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Fern This is good post and LS is a good place with good people. Time will heal all only if you let it. I just dumped after 5 years and an engagement. I am totally getting better from where I started from. If may seem like the end of the world with a lost ex but things will get better if only you allow it. What happened in the past is just that the past. Look forward to the next day and things will get better. We as dumpees shouldn't feel bad in what happened. Take it as a life lesson and move on and grow from what you have learned. It will only make you a better person for yourself and the next one you meet in life. Link to post Share on other sites
OhioLaw1987 Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 "Your mind is clouded now with grief and loss of self-esteem and that pesky attachment is telling you you've lost something - you've just GAINED you." #BOOM Link to post Share on other sites
Karala Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Thank you so much, that was very uplifting! I'm aiming to end up at the same place sometime not too far in the future so you're an inspiration!! Link to post Share on other sites
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