belend52 Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 HIYa I wrote in a wile ago about the situation with my ex and me nagging him wich led to the breakup, and also led me to loose a lot of my chances of getting back with him, and feard i lost my last. Anyway, its been almost 5 months now since we broke up and in a week he may be coming down here but im not sure and nether is he. For the past month i folowed the advice u guys gave me, wich was to shut up basicly and stop nagging wich was very hard indeed. But i did it never the less. A few days back i spoke to him and i know i shuldnt av asked him if he still liked me, but i couldnt help it, and knew it was nagging but i needed to know...what im asking is if what his naswers were are promising, because im so confused and cant do nowt about it. I asked him and he said im alright (wich didnt xcacly make me feel to great), he then went on to say im not like all the dogs around were he lives and sluts, i was diferent (im not sure wat to make of that). I then said to him: so wat ur saying is i havnt got a chance and ive lost all my chances by being an idiot; he said i hadnt lost all my chances. What gets me is i cant work out what he means, its all mixed signels, and i can move on because i need to get this sorted with him 1st before anything else. That time when we spoke it was like how we used to a proper convosation, wereas for the last 5 months it hasnt been, because he hasnt been trying....im not sure if thats a good sign or not. I hope he does come in a week so i can get my head sorted cant stand 2 wait any longer, but i dont think he will. Im realy not sure what to to im totaly lost and confused, i no for four months he still liked me and wasnt over me and all that, but i dont know about noe because i didnt want to go on at him. thanx in adanve for the people that help e out here because i realy need it, it what way i dont know though. Sorry if it was too long. Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 Hi belend i'm not totally sure i understand whats happening - can you tell me: 'he may be coming down here but im not sure and nether is he.' i assume he lives quite some distance from you - is he coming specifically to see you or for other reasons? hes giving you mixed signals because he doesnt know himself what he wants, you have to respect this, i know you are hurt but you cannot expect him to give you the answers that you are looking for - its up to you to find those answers. if you ask him questions he doesnt know the answer to, you wont get the answer you want. you need to mak eyour own way here, that doesnt mean turning your back on him or hating him, you can still care for him, but not expect anything back. i would look to be being happy with who you are and not focus your energy or self esteem on whether he wants you or not, i understand that you love him, i understand that you have waited 5 months to find answers, but those answers dont lie with him. I wouldnt say you are nagging, you arent asking him to do anything other than be honest with you, but if you tackle this in a negative way ie so wat ur saying is i havnt got a chance and ive lost all my chances by being an idiot; he said i hadnt lost all my chances. you perpetuate your own negativity - you are asking to hear the worst - and you dont need that a) because you will generlally hear\ the worst, although in this case you didnt, and b) because it reinforces your negative views of yourself. after all this time, and all your 'nagging' he still says you have a chance. that means his feelins must once have been very strong, and that noone is comparing to you right now. it doesnt m ean he will come back to you, but you are in a stronger position that you realise. it means you must be a fairly spectaular person to have lost someone but still beon their mind. the rejection and hurt you are feeling comes from you, not him, concentrate on getting better yourself without the crutch of his approval, and try to tak ethe emphasis of whether youare happy or not on what he does. its your life, and you have total control over it. be kind, considerate and understanding towards your ex's confusion but be kinder to yourself. I split from my ex a month ago, hes moved to america and we are now on track to rebuilding what we had. he needs more space & time, and so do i, i was so so hurt, i reacted by wanting to know what he wanted and i just pushed him away. now i also need to work out what i want, but if nothing else, we will be great great friends, i am happy to accept whatever is coming and i feel better for it, the desperation i felt has gone. and thats what i couldnt see past. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author belend52 Posted October 19, 2003 Author Share Posted October 19, 2003 HIYA thank you for your answer, it defently put a perspective on things. Yes he live anbout 4-5 hours away, he might be coming to see his brother who lives next door. Link to post Share on other sites
Author belend52 Posted October 22, 2003 Author Share Posted October 22, 2003 Ive just found out he is comeing over on sunday for a week, and am now so scared that hes going to ignore me or something i dont know what to do or what to say to him. grrrrrrrr. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 He's coming over to YOUR place? Why would he ignore you if he was in your place? Link to post Share on other sites
Author belend52 Posted October 22, 2003 Author Share Posted October 22, 2003 Hes staying next door for a week with his brother, he said he will probably come over, but i dont no what hes going to do or even what to say to him, because i will probably muck it up again. Link to post Share on other sites
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