Why would you ignore a birthday text?

[mogul]

For the dumpers, or people who have dealt with this can you give me a little insight as to why you would ignore a seemingly innocent birthday text? A serious relationship where you both loved each other and each other's best friend for over 2 years.

 

I texted my ex on her bday after NC for 5-6 months to no response. It was an innocent "happy bday" text and wished her the best. Is it so hard to just send a "thank you"? I didn't do it because I wanted her back, I did it simply because she was a great person and I meant it.

 

To the people who have ignored a bday text, why did you do it? Do you hate your ex still? Never want to see/deal with them again? Afraid a response would open up unwanted communication again or you still have feelings for them and are bitter? Any input would be great, thanks.

[lapse]

I don't know the circumstances of your breakup, but I think most of us, regardless of dumper/dumpee status, are suspicious of opening communication with the ex. Personally, I ignored an innocuous text this morning - a request for information he could have easily accessed himself. If it were a birthday text, I would have rolled my eyes probably. I was the dumper (and our breakup was more recent), but I will ignore for an indefinite period of time. Until I am absolutely certain that even electro-connecting will not affect me. Otherwise, I'd send a ty. Of course, that's just me. And why I ignore. Don't want to make contact and endanger any fragile stability I have and the more grounded stability to which I look forward.

[TryTryAgain]

Sent my ex a happy birthday text. Her birthday was a week after our split. No response from her either. I'm guessing she didn't want to re-open the lines of communication and give me false hope. Although I could also see her rolling her eyes.

[MidnightinMadrid]

You ask a question which will probably get a slew of they have moved on,you should to. They dont want to hear from you,move on,move on move on. Those kind of responses though it is true is very irritating.

I had to seriously tell folks on another post who has that typical automatic response.

So I want to get ahead of the LS crowd to say,no it is not okay. There is no reason for anyone to ignore an ex who tries to reach out,even to say Happy birthday,or any kind of well wishes.

In a way it makes you think why get in to relationships where the minute things don't work out,than the other party can go about their busiiness and act as if you don't exist.

Sure people move on,but this ignoring, totally burning bridges,sorry it just doesnt sit well. It doesnt hurt to have common courtesy.

If someone took the time to say Happy Birthday,even if I dont want to hear from the person,i may not reply right away,but I would at least say,thankyou thats sweet,take care of yourself.

That itself says,ok i got it but dont want to continue further.

Unlike some dumpers who probably have a harem of friends,lovers and tons of relationships that they can afford to ignore people,

I don't have that kind of luxury to do that,ignore anyone, since good friends or relationships are hard to come by.

[JasonRules]

Sent my ex a happy birthday text. Her birthday was a week after our split. No response from her either. I'm guessing she didn't want to re-open the lines of communication and give me false hope. Although I could also see her rolling her eyes.

 

 

Unlike you and the OP, I did not send my ex a happy birthday message and I'm glad I did. The days of me being her doormat ended 2 weeks ago. I will no longer do anything for someone who does not want or appreciate me.

 

And to be honest, if I did send her a happy birthday wish and got no reply that would have disappointed me more and set me back. Looking back, I know I did everything humanly possible to have a normal relationship with this girl. I never played any games and treated her with kindness and respect, but at the same time I was a man who demanded reciprocity. I will not chase after her. The balls in her court now and I'm gone. Ultimately, it's their loss, they just don't see it...yet.

[JasonRules]

Sent my ex a happy birthday text. Her birthday was a week after our split. No response from her either. I'm guessing she didn't want to re-open the lines of communication and give me false hope. Although I could also see her rolling her eyes.

 

 

Unlike you and the OP, I did not send my ex a happy birthday message and I'm glad I didn't. The days of me being her doormat ended 2 weeks ago. I will no longer do anything for someone who does not want or appreciate me.

 

And to be honest, if I did send her a happy birthday wish and got no reply that would have disappointed me more and set me back. Looking back, I know I did everything humanly possible to have a normal relationship with this girl. I never played any games and treated her with kindness and respect, but at the same time I was a man who demanded reciprocity. I will not chase after her. The balls in her court now and I'm gone. Ultimately, it's their loss, they just don't see it...yet.

[lapse]

Sent my ex a happy birthday text. Her birthday was a week after our split. No response from her either. I'm guessing she didn't want to re-open the lines of communication and give me false hope. Although I could also see her rolling her eyes.

 

Oh Try, I doubt it (re: rolling eyes). I realize now I shouldn't have even said that because it's irrelevant to a generic situation. *I* only said I'd roll my eyes because of the number of times my ex has tried to pull me back in. And he rarely has taken the direct approach (e.g., I am sorry about what I did or said and I want to make this work and here is how I propose we do that...). It is always some wormy little, seemingly innocent gesture to make him look like the sudden great guy. Sorry about that. Just what everyone needed - the image of dumper rolling their eyes. Please feel free to roll your eyes at me. I hope you did.

[Eddie Edirol]

I'm guessing she didn't want to re-open the lines of communication and give me false hope. Although I could also see her rolling her eyes.

 

This is why Mogul. She is telling you that she wants nothing to do with you, and you need to accept that and stop finding reasons to contact her.

[JasonRules]

I mean, ultimately why would I want to give someone, that doesn't want to have a relationship with me, the satisfaction that I'm still thinking about them and they have in me in their proverbial pocket?

[TryTryAgain]

When I sent the "happy birthday" text, I thought one of two things would happen:

 

1. She replies, "Thanks" and leaves it at that or,
   
2. She replies, "Thanks" and then opens up small talk.
   

I didn't even consider that she wouldn't reply! That hurt like hell. Had I considered she wouldn't even reply I would have never sent the text in the first place. I'm still stunned that she just ignored me.

[JasonRules]

When I sent the "happy birthday" text, I thought one of two things would happen:

 

1. She replies, "Thanks" and leaves it at that or,
   
2. She replies, "Thanks" and then opens up small talk.
   

I didn't even consider that she wouldn't reply! That hurt like hell. Had I considered she wouldn't even reply I would have never sent the text in the first place. I'm still stunned that she just ignored me.

 

 

There's is always the chance that they won't reply, that's why I didn't even bother to send her anything. You see when it comes to human relations you have to be a maverick and unpredictable. I'll bet money my ex was thinking I would do something for her birthday, because I have gone above and beyond all her expectations in the past, but this time I kept my cool and didn't do anything. I know my inaction has made her think and pause for a moment because she wasn't expecting that from me.

 

In this case, it's better to be labelled an a-hole than to not hear back from them and be miserable again.

[depplover_1980]

Midnight, I agree with your sentiments but you are not thinking in the real world, which is unfortnately callous and cruel. There is very much an 'every person for themselves' type mentality right now. Is it right? No. Do I live that way? No.

 

But the advice given to people in general is based on that reality and not some idealism. Being ideal does not help heartbroken people who are already looking at their ex through tinted spectacles.

[mogul]

This is why Mogul. She is telling you that she wants nothing to do with you, and you need to accept that and stop finding reasons to contact her.

 

I have been dating and accepted we are no longer together. That was the first time I have contacted her post break up for about 6 months. I didn't do it to lure her back in or anything other than to sincerely wish her the best and that I do remember its her bday and cared enough to vocalize it.

 

 

When I sent the "happy birthday" text, I thought one of two things would happen:

 

1. She replies, "Thanks" and leaves it at that or,
   
2. She replies, "Thanks" and then opens up small talk.
   

I didn't even consider that she wouldn't reply! That hurt like hell. Had I considered she wouldn't even reply I would have never sent the text in the first place. I'm still stunned that she just ignored me.

 

My thoughts exactly. I didn't think someone I loved and shared my life with for over 2.5 years would be cold enough to just ignore me. I actually contemplated for a long while prior to sending the text whether it was a good idea. Ultimately, I prepared myself for the possibility that she wouldn't respond and that I really meant it before i sent the text.

 

Even if she was to respond, I prepared myself to just accept it or keep it short. I always thought that somehow, her and I would always remain friends. I guess that was just lip service on her part. I guess my situation is different, because I can't help but regret alot of things I did. I felt I gave her too many reasons to break up and that she was a great girlfriend.

[Fufu]

If she doesn't reply you, this is who she is and I guess you don't have to find out why she is being cold to you.

[radrluv72]

Good lord, I'm so happy that someone posted this question...my ex's birthday is a week from today and I'd been going back & forth about whether just to send him a simple "Happy Birthday" and not expect anything back. And then I get that perverbial tap on the shoulder saying, "Um, you know what, he screwed this up, not you. Maintain your silence." So as far as I'm concerned, my fingers will be physically unable to type "Happy Birthday" until April 5th passes.

[Thatguyintx]

So as far as I'm concerned, my fingers will be physically unable to type "Happy Birthday" until April 5th passes.

 

Tell ya what Radrluv, you can wish me happy birthday in April. I promise I'll respond.

[lapse]

Midnight, I agree with your sentiments but you are not thinking in the real world, which is unfortnately callous and cruel. There is very much an 'every person for themselves' type mentality right now. Is it right? No. Do I live that way? No.

 

But the advice given to people in general is based on that reality and not some idealism. Being ideal does not help heartbroken people who are already looking at their ex through tinted spectacles.

 

 

I agree for the most part - I really respect what Midnight said. The fact is, however, many of us already know that the ex is not our 'friend.' Many of us have been betrayed - through disregard, cheating, insults, toxicity, etc. - enough to know that the ex (whether dumper or dumpee) is not a friend, not someone we should allow in our lives.

 

I don't think it's selfish or cold to establish your boundaries.

[radrluv72]

Tell ya what Radrluv, you can wish me happy birthday in April. I promise I'll respond.

 

LOL...you bet!!

[flitzanu]

sorry, but to me, if you had to spend longer than 2 seconds contemplating whether you should or should not send a text, then you're either hoping for a reply, trying to elicit a reply, or holding an expectation over them still when they have no obligation to any of those things.

 

i ignored the bday text my dumper sent me, and i'll likely send her one on her bday to which she will ignore as well. that's they dynamic, and that's what happens when you're broken up. social standards don't exist, especially if you haven't talked in what, 6 months?

[Art_Critic]

It is pretty simple..

 

Replying actually opens up a can of worms.. while you know you didn't want her back she had no way of knowing your motivation for sending a text like that out of the blue.

 

She has most likely moved on, why would she want the possible drama of dealing with a long lost ex ?

 

on another note..

You obviously wanted a reply text, so you had more emotionally invested in that text that you care to admit.

You sound like your feelings are hurt ? Why ?

[MidnightinMadrid]

Midnight, I agree with your sentiments but you are not thinking in the real world, which is unfortnately callous and cruel. There is very much an 'every person for themselves' type mentality right now. Is it right? No. Do I live that way? No.

 

But the advice given to people in general is based on that reality and not some idealism. Being ideal does not help heartbroken people who are already looking at their ex through tinted spectacles.

 

 

Its not that I'm being idealistic,but a majority of responses I noticed on LS,perhaps not this one,seems to have the same typical and jaded responses,well they dont want you move on,not acknowledging that its not right,to totally brush off someone. The dumpee- or the person being ignored is aready aware they should move on. i'm simply validating them by saying its not okay to be ignored,then at least i can say never contact them again. Its not me being unrealistic,perhaps humanistic (if thats a term).

its undoubtly true that we may live in an every man for himself society,but i'm certain every one of us(,except for sociopaths) hold some kind of standard how we should treat one another,or else blogging about some kind of injustice wouldnt be so popular.

Another example,why else in politics every word or action someone says or does is being scrutinized,Fox news is all about idealism, in which they constantly preach all about idealistic values so viewers can say,hey thats not right. I know its off topic,but its just an example that people do care how things should be even if reality says otherwise.

 

Yes its another salt in the wounds for someone to be rejected and then ignored by the same person who once claimed cared about them,I truly believe acknowledging their feelings is just as important then just saying 'look,why should u care?they don't want you move on'. JMO

Edited March 30, 2011 by MidnightinMadrid

[depplover_1980]

Midnight, but clearly the reality of those posting on here IS they are being ignored by an ex. Therefore the advice given is appropriate to the situation - LS advice can be stern but often it is cruel to be kind.

 

I accept it is natural for someone to be hurt because they are being ignored, yet I also believe that very fresh cuts heal quicker than jagged ones. By expecting communication and kindness from an ex after a break-up is going to lead to messy emotional healing, where you are driven back and forth with each text, call and meet up.

 

Being ignored by an ex on important dates is simply another hurdle in the long and ardous healing process of a break-up. Again that is the reality. One I suspect you personally are struggling with right now.

[depplover_1980]

Midnight, just one additional thought, which is that generally everyone began/is here for the same reason, so empathy is already given to why the person feels the way they do. Advice is not being handed out by people who have no idea what the pain feels like, we all know the emotions and how much it hurts.

[MidnightinMadrid]

Midnight, but clearly the reality of those posting on here IS they are being ignored by an ex. Therefore the advice given is appropriate to the situation - LS advice can be stern but often it is cruel to be kind.

 

I accept it is natural for someone to be hurt because they are being ignored, yet I also believe that very fresh cuts heal quicker than jagged ones. By expecting communication and kindness from an ex after a break-up is going to lead to messy emotional healing, where you are driven back and forth with each text, call and meet up.

 

Being ignored by an ex on important dates is simply another hurdle in the long and ardous healing process of a break-up. Again that is the reality. One I suspect you personally are struggling with right now.

\\

 

 

True, I agree the ex ignoring someone is a reality cold water in the face,but it wouldnt hurt along with sound advice to acknowledge how the dumpee feels. And no I'm not struggling with that reality,I know that certain people,meaning exes just don't give a damn and expecting anything from someone like that,is pointless.

However doesnt mean I can't hold certain views about whats right or not, because since I've experienced it, I can surely empathize. Theres n nothing wrong with tough love advice but nothing wrong caring and validating how someone who is hurting feels either.

Also,I've just told another poster on another thread to go completely NC after her devastating break up so she would not go thru the heartbreak of an ex ignoring text scenereo.

Edited March 30, 2011 by MidnightinMadrid

[muzik_lvr]

I have a similar situation that will be coming up. My ex-gf broke up with me about 3 months ago, and by the time her bday comes around, there will have been NC between us for about 4-5 months. The crazy thing about us is that our birthdays are on the same day! And this is something we talked about somewhat frequently early in the relationship, so I know it will be on her mind when the day rolls around. Does this change anything, or do you guys suggest I still send no text or anything for her (our lol) bday?

 

Btw, I am new the message board, so it's nice to meet you all