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Do rebound relationships last????


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

 
 
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Old 3rd October 2003, 12:43 PM   #1
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Question Do rebound relationships last????

Hi. I was just wondering if anyone had ever broken up with somoene they really loved, but then went straight into another 'rebound' relationship?! If so, did your new relationship work out? N why did you get with someone else so soon? If you realised that you still had feelings for your ex, then what made you realise?
I'm just curious, because I know someone in this kinda situation and would like to know as much as poss!

Hope you can help! Thanks
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Old 3rd October 2003, 12:49 PM   #2
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People rebound to ease the pain of their break up and sometimes "to show" the other party they can get somebody else. Some of these actually do last a while but many don't. Relationships have to be based on healthy stuff, not on psychologically baggage. Rebounding is not a good idea, although many people who break up were not sufficiently bonded to their ex that a new relationship gotten into quickly is put into jeopardy. There are some who are simply not capable of intimate bonding to another and therefore getting into another realtionship is no big deal.

Many females disbond emotionally over time while they are in a bad relationship to they're already over the other person by the time they actually leave them physically. In that case, a new relationship probably wouldn't even be classified as a rebound.
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Old 3rd October 2003, 1:08 PM   #3
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Mine is more a warning story than a "Sure it can work out!" story.

When I was 19, I was with a guy who had just broken up with his girlfriend of two plus years. He and I were 'together' for somewhere in the neighborhood of six months, and throughout the entirety of the relationship, he denied that I was a rebound. As it turns out, I was basically the exact opposite of his ex girlfriend in several ways (i.e. affection, education, motivations in life, wanting to wait a while to start a family, etc.) As is my nature, I became very involved in the relationship. For a time, this was the case for him as well. However, before long, he mentioned that he was having some serious doubts about our future, and that he thought we could use a 'break.' I told him that he could spare me the BS and just break up with me (big shocker to him I guess) and he said, "But I am not sure I want to break up entirely." I remember saying, though I was extremely heartbroken, "If you care about me at all, you will just break up with me now instead of stringing me along. Actually, let me just do it for you..." The lovely twist to the story was that I had just had a miscarriage (blessing in disguise, though it felt like my world had completely ended.) and had just told him about it two days before he 'was having doubts about our relationship.' This was over six years ago, and subsequently, I have been in a long term relationship that is now ending, though for other reasons that I won't even go into here!

I've seen it most frequently occur that people who "rebound" typically have failed relationship upon failed relationship. I think that when a relationship comes to an end, especially if it is one that you had a lot of emotional investment in, you should always give yourself time to heal. Being alone is not the great horror that society seems to make it out to be. I can say for my own part, being alone right now has done me a tremendous amount of good. When I say "alone," all I mean is not involved in a romantic relationship. I have discovered what I want out of a relationship, and when I feel ready to pursue that, I feel more prepared than I ever have. The thing is, I now have some rather high expectations of a relationship, so the chances that I will be alone for a long time to come are fairly high. However, this doesn't bother me because I have my own life to look forward to, as well as the lives of my two amazing kiddos!

Rebounds are dangerous things. Unless you know that you're doing precisely that, and whomever you're with is well aware of it as such, it's just a plain nasty situation.
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Old 3rd October 2003, 2:22 PM   #4
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I'M HOPING THEY WORK.... I've invested my last year on one.

One man's garbage is another man's treasure.
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Old 3rd October 2003, 2:33 PM   #5
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Quote:
I'M HOPING THEY WORK.... I've invested my last year on one.
Maybe it's not a rebound, then! If both people are interested in making the relationship work, it is obviously much more apt TO work! I think the idea is that by definition, a "rebound relationship" is one that the person gets into with the supposition that it's not actually going to be anything more than a rebound.
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Old 8th October 2003, 5:35 AM   #6
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So how long would you say that they usually last? If one person was still hurting after a break up (that wasn't meant to happen) and got into a relationship with someone else whilst still crying over their ex, does that make it a rebound relationship? Especially if they were only trying to hurt their ex because they hurt them? The relationship in this situation has currently lasted about 4 and a half months. Is there much longer left??
I know its all confusing, I'm just trying to get all the answers!Please help
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Old 8th October 2003, 11:34 AM   #7
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Hi

I was with a guy for five years before we broke up 17 months ago. It hurt A LOT and I thought about him 24 hours a day and yet went straight into a new relationship for two reasons: yes, I wanted to ease my pain which i did with this great new guy by having great sex, long nights out and lots of fun. The other reason why I came together with this man is because he was simply great. A wonderful and kind character who made me feel really good. Over the months I have learnt to TRULY love and adore him. It would have been the dumbest idea to not date him because I had just come out of a painful break up.

We have been together for 16 months now and everything is fantastic.

Tell your friend that rebound relationships can last. I have been there :-)
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Old 15th October 2003, 5:51 AM   #8
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Question Any1 else???

Has any1 else had an experience where these relationships dont work? Any1 that has been in this kind of relationship then realised its not really what you wanted, and that really you still loved your ex?
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Old 15th October 2003, 9:34 AM   #9
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I wouldn't say it's working out for me. I constantly feel needy and wanting more than I can get. I'm in a constant state of hoping it will change, demanding love, which everyone knows you can't demand something that the other person isn't ready to give.

We are a product of our past. At least that's what I've been told.

My g/f's breakup was bad, very bad. I shouldn't have gotten involved. There has been major emotional withholding that's left me feeling used at times, regretful for getting involved, angry about wasted time, and bitter because I take it personally. It's called dating an emotionally unavailable person. They are selfish. It's all about them, never about you.

If their breakup was gut-wrenching, that doesn't go away just because they are dating someone new; so watch out! However, if their breakup was mutual or his idea and amicable, then perhaps it would be OK.
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Old 17th March 2004, 10:16 PM   #10
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Hi: my name is steve, and i can't seem to understand why people think that i'm in a rebound relationship. I started dating a woman 2 months after my wife of a year and a half and i broke up, and i have no ill fellings towards my ex, nor do i want her back in any way.

personally, I have truly fallen for the woman i'm currently involved with, and she as well has fallen for me, we have a great time together and have a lot in common.

I see no reason why people want think that this is a rebound relationship, i never even think about my ex or our past relationship unless someone ask me about this subject, i truly have no bad feeling towards my ex and wish her the best.

so can anyone explian what a rebound relationship is?, because i just don't get it!
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Old 18th March 2004, 1:45 AM   #11
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I had a four year relationship that ended and I was very heartbroken. I tried remaining in contact with him but that just pushed him away even further. I didn't want to deal with the pain and the rejection so I jumped into another relationship immediately afterwards. Fell completely in love. My EX realized the grass wasn't greener and wanted me back but by then I had moved on and was so in love with my new boyfriend, going back to him wasn't even an option.

My "rebound" relationship lasted 4.5 years. Unfortunately he thinks the grass is greener too. Just a matter of time I guess before HE realizes the grass ain't greener either.

I don't want to keep repeating this pattern though
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Old 18th March 2004, 8:02 AM   #12
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doing it now

Well I just had a gut wrenching hurtful end to a relationship a month and a half ago. I was not looking for a rebound but I have started dating this guy last week because I was just so messed up over the break up.

Yeah I know what you all are going to say.

But in any event I told the new guy I am with the whole situation. And so he has been informed. I am not trying to be a jerk and lie to anyone.

I am fully aware that this is just a rebound for me. I do not plan on falling in love and I can already see why I will not.

But I am enjoying somebody's company and having a good time. And my mind has been taken off the problems I had in my former relationship. I look forward to seeing this person and I find him to be very very nice and caring and interesting. I have to say that this is the first time I have rebounded after a break up. In 2000 I had a break up where I spent one year alone and reflected about the relationship and did the growing thing. This time I decided to pursue a rebound relationship because I think that I am at the point where I have realized that life goes on and that I am glad that life goes on and there should be no reason why I punish myself for having a nice and happy person to spend time with. I mean my ex decided to beat the living crap out of me one night after 8 months of living together. Why should that make me sit at home and suffer.

But I will warn people who are rebounding. I think it is really really important to be really honest with the person you are getting into it with. You should not be unfair. The guy I am dating now says he does not mind and whatever will happen will happen.

I generally find that he soothes me and this is important for me now.

LOL
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Old 18th March 2004, 9:23 AM   #13
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sssearchy, I don't think you are in a rebound relationship either. If you have let go of the pain and anger, remorse or guilt, then you are ready to move on.

That's key!
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Old 18th March 2004, 11:20 AM   #14
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My fiance and I ......I guess you could say are a rebound realtionship. We met and became friends 4 months after his marriage ended and about 3 weeks after mine ended. Needless to say 6 1/2 years later we are planning to get married.

Tony:
Quote:
Many females disbond emotionally over time while they are in a bad relationship to they're already over the other person by the time they actually leave them physically. In that case, a new relationship probably wouldn't even be classified as a rebound.
this holds alot of truth for me. Been there done it. ..........Even got the house (2 years later after the payments weren't made for 6 months by the ex)
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Old 20th March 2004, 5:14 PM   #15
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Help Please!

Hi
Ok, here's my situation. My boyfriend of 5 1/2 years broke up with me a bit over a month ago. We were each other's firsts everything (started dating when we were 16). At first he wanted a break, then two weeks later he broke it off completley saying that he wanted to "see other people". He called me a few days after that and said that he thinks he made a mistake, but since he made it, he should live it out for a bit. We talked for a long time, and he even stopped by later that day. So a month later, and no word from him even though things seemed to be working out with our last conversation, I called him and left a msg. He returned my call. We had a nice general conversation, then I asked if he was willing to get together with me for 30 min just so I could get some stuff off of my chest. He said he couldn't see me in person yet because it would hurt too much (isn't that a sign that he's doing something wrong? He said he knows it is). He told me that he's going through something right now and he needs to go through it and not drag me down into it. Right from the beginning I never truly knew why he wanted this. Whenever i asked him he said he wasn't entirely sure, and that he just needed some time. Well, when i talked to him 2 weeks ago, he told me the reason that we broke up was because he didn't like my attitude and my temper and that he wasn't willing to put up with it for the rest of his life (we were really close to getting engaged, then he thought this). I'll admit, i had an attitude and a temper, but it is something i was working on, and it wasn't THAT bad. It bothers me cuz i even gave him a chance to tell me everything that was bothering him a few weeks before the break, and he never mentioned the attitude or temper. I would have tried even harder to calm things down if i would have known! Anyway, in that same conversation I found out that he is now seeing someone else... they aren't just casually dating either, they are "together". bf and gf. This pissed me off because the previous day i had told him that i was thinking of seeing someone else and he got upset with me! he said he felt insulted that it only took me a month to move on and date again. I asked what made this so different, and he said it is because he cut it clean and he wanted out of the relationship, so it is ok if he dates again. Whatever! He told me that this new girl has offered him a different perspective. I asked him if he broke up with me for her, he said no. He said when he became single he saw a lot of opprotunities, and he chose her. Why wouldn't he want to be single for a while? he has never been single! Anyway, he told me that our break up isnt' "written in stone" and that he still loves me and that he can still see his future with me in it.
So, my question: Based on my story, is he in this new relationship for all the wrong reasons? How long will it take for him to realize that he made a mistake (not necessarily breaking up with me, but getting with this girl to begin with)? How long does it usually take for someone to realize that?

Thanks for your help
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