I Don't Want to Be Bitter

[kaygato]

3 weeks post breakup (although the first breakup was 3 months and 3 weeks ago) and I'm still feeling angry/hurt/betrayed by my ex. I've stopped living in the illusion that my ex is perfect, because he really isn't and one of his major faults is lack of patience , but I do know I did a lot to cause him to break up with me. When I look at things objectively, I feel like he was just doing what he thought was best for himself. I didn't do anything awful like cheat on him, but I acted sort of "hot and cold" and overemotional towards the end of our relationship. So I honestly feel like a lot of my negative feelings are defense mechanisms to guard my feelings. My ex really was a great boyfriend overall...I honestly can't be mad at him when I think of that. I do have some anger about how he handled the breakup, but I know that I let him and even encouraged him to string me along for 3 months.

 

I guess I really don't want to feel like he betrayed me anymore. I don't think that emotion i really helping me, and in the future I'd like to be friends with my ex and I don't want to harbor resentment for him. If he ever came to the conclusion that he made a mistake and wanted me back...I would take him back but we'd have to take things slow and just date first.

 

Do you guys feel angry/betrayed by your ex? Do you think your emotions are rational or are they a defense mechanism?

[Good Arms]

Three weeks is nothing. Don't worry that you're still harboring that sense of being betrayed - it's only natural, especially this early. I think every dumpee has to go through a stage or periods of anger, of feeling utterly betrayed. I think it's entirely normal and rational, even if you recognise there are things you could have done differently. You needn't feel guilty about anything, certainly not about emotions, thoughts and feelings you can't really control. If you've learned lessons from breaking up twice about yourself and what you want from a partner then they'll be useful in time, right now blaming yourself isn't useful, it's all about looking after yourself.

 

These feelings prove you genuinely invested your feelings in him. The dumpers let us down by instigating the break-up, whatever their reasons, whoever was mostly to blame, or if it was simply a case of something destined to end, two ultimately mismatched people... it's only natural that a part of the myriad, conflicting emotions you'll go through will involve anger/resentment over being rejected, of matters being taken out of your control.

 

The fact you don't WANT to harbor resentment shows you're a good hearted, well meaning person... ... that will surely help you in your healing and stand you in good stead for the future.

[WindyCityGirl]

First you need to understand why your feelings were hot/cold. Until you figure that out don't contact him or be friends because the same problems will pop back up, almost guaranteed. Work on you and your anger issues so you can move forward and have a much more meaningful relationship be it with him or someone else. At least you're willing to admit that you have issues, that's a good start. Stay strong

[joshislost]

Stay strong, do things for yourself. Friendship at this point is kind of soon in the game. From my prospective, I could never be friends with an exgf. Reason being seeing them with someone else would hurt me more than anything. Idk your opinion on that. You will feel angry, mad, and betrayed for a bit, but focus on you. After you will start to feel better and not be so hung up on it. Breakups stink, I feel the emotions you face toward your ex are rational given the situation and what exactly happened. Stay strong, and focus on you now.

[snug.bunny]

I don't see where you posted it in this thread but why did you two break up?