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very & was blindsided


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Old 22nd December 2010, 8:07 PM   #1
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very & was blindsided

I posted this on the coping section...thought I try this one to searcg for more advice and/or help...

I have had a terrible year and it gets worse by my gf of 4 months decided that she wanted space and wanted a break @ the beginning of Dec....it took me by surprise to say the least...when we 1st started we agreed to take it slow and build our relationship...you know the whole be friends 1st type of deal...previously before me she was a very long unhealthy relationship that wasnt going anywhere she said...during our time she made all the first moves...she introduced me to her parents & rest of the family 1st, she wanted me to go to church w/her, and even wanted me to spend thanksgiving w/her family in in another town..of course out of respect we did not seep in the same quarters...now she hasnt met my family since they all lived in a different state...I thought things were great...her family even told me that its been a really long time since they seen her so care free, happy, & laughing all the time w/me...they missed that in her....then out of the blue she comes out w/the whole she feels trapped ad didnt like how serious we were & that we were moving to fast...I told i was willing to slow things down & do whatever she feels comfortable with...even before that I stopped staying at her house...This girl means alot to me...after the next week when we started to slow down she wanted to go out to diner...I was very quiet and didnt know what to do or how to behave...I didnt yell at her or anything like...I just kept quiet...she finally told me that is something she can not handle so she wanted to take a break for awhile...of course this crushed me...what was worse we had an event t go to the next day w/her family & my job...the drive was the same thing...we just kept quiet...i just didnt want to say anything or mess things up any worse...she insisted going to my event in the evening...i told her why do yu want to do something that would make you uncomfortable...she took me home...then I started everything...I kept blaming myself for messing up our relationship & so forth...she didnt say much & kept telling me that it wasnt my fault & it was all her doing...So i decided to do with what she wanted and leave her alone to give her space...we ddnt communicate for 1 whole day...There were some things happening that week that she kept giving me updates on ...I didnt bring up anything else about us because of the what was going on that week...I told her not to worry about it and just deal with what was going on...she did called me to apologize for messing up my work event & Christmas for me..she said she felt bad about it...well I decided to not talk to her for awhile...she called me last weekend and i didnt anwser...she said she wanted t talk about what was going on & to possibly have dinner this week...I just didnt call back...the next day she sent me a text asking if was ok...i didnt respond...she later texts me that she owes me an apology for hurting me and that I am a good man & she didnt treat me as such....so i called her back and let her talk...she comes out telling me that she didnt want to have the pressure of getting married soon...she wanted to get to know me and make sure I am the right one for her...she wants to go out w/her friends, and then the kicker she wants to be able to meet new friends...so i say you want to date...she said she didnt want to do that...she likes building friendships and then see what happens from there...she still wants to see me, date me, and just get to know one another and not go so fast...i told her I wasnt even ready to get married...i told her I wasnt even ready to use the L word yet...I wasnt sure...then I asked her if there was somebody else...then she tells me that there is another person she wants to know as a friend and not close the door on getting to know the other person...she feel slike if I am supoose to be the one for her and the one she ends up with...I just told her she is everything I wan right now and I was willing to accept everything about her...she said if I was sure about that...I said of course...that to me is how you get know a person...I asked her why she introduced me to her family & wanted me to do everything w/her & her family...her answer was because she cared about me & that what she wanted at the time...it scared her so much that her family enjoyed me alot that she panicked and felt the pressure of them wantng us to get married...they never even mentioned that...I told her its not up to our families and that it would be up to us if that were to happen...in al she said I made her happy, she is still attracted me and still wants to se me for dinner...I dont know..I havent talked to her in a couple of days...she did call me @ work to leave to a message asking me how I was...i havent called back..dont know if I will...i am so torn up about all this..she is everything I wanted & made me very happy...I know what we had is gone...if i see her for dinner things will be weird I know...I also have her Christmas gifts for her & her family...do I give them to her? Do I have dinner w/her...after we talked she wanted to talk again to let things soak in...I did ask her not to give up on us...I jut dont know what do...sorry if i feel like i talked alot and kind of went everywhere with it...i was trying to sum it it shorter...all this has even affected my time I spend w/my family that are visiting for the holidays....

we are both in our 30's also...

Thank you for helping!
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Old 22nd December 2010, 8:30 PM   #2
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She's OUT

Please see answers below...sorry that you are going through this....



I have had a terrible year and it gets worse by my gf of 4 months decided that she wanted space and wanted a break @ the beginning of Dec....it took me by surprise to say the least... Whenever they say "I need space," you are out forever. Sorry. when we 1st started we agreed to take it slow and build our relationship...you know the whole be friends 1st type of deal...You should never have started out like that...never talk about your relationship or where its going...women know the right time to step things up....you are just there to make them laugh, have fun and have them ask you to be more serious....you can't do anything about this girl but in the future previously before me she was a very long unhealthy relationship that wasnt going anywhere she said...during our time she made all the first moves...she introduced me to her parents & rest of the family 1st, she wanted me to go to church w/her, and even wanted me to spend thanksgiving w/her family in in another town..of course out of respect we did not seep in the same quarters...that's good on your part...let her come to you....that was positive.......now she hasnt met my family since they all lived in a different state...I thought things were great...her family even told me that its been a really long time since they seen her so care free, happy, & laughing all the time w/me...they missed that in her....then out of the blue she comes out w/the whole she feels trapped ad didnt like how serious we were & that we were moving to fast....that means her interest level in you was gone...and you are out....again, sorry...not trying to hurt you...its just the truth...I told i was willing to slow things down & do whatever she feels comfortable with...even before that I stopped staying at her house...This girl means alot to me...after the next week when we started to slow down she wanted to go out to diner...I was very quiet and didnt know what to do or how to behave...I didnt yell at her or anything like...I just kept quiet...she finally told me that is something she can not handle so she wanted to take a break for awhile...of course this crushed me...I don't blame you but talking to her at that point was a waste of time....women don't say things like that unless they want us out of their lives. what was worse we had an event t go to the next day w/her family & my job...the drive was the same thing...we just kept quiet...i just didnt want to say anything or mess things up any worse...she insisted going to my event in the evening...i told her why do yu want to do something that would make you uncomfortable...she took me home...then I started everything...I kept blaming myself for messing up our relationship & so forth...she didnt say much & kept telling me that it wasnt my fault & it was all her doing...So i decided to do with what she wanted and leave her alone to give her space...we ddnt communicate for 1 whole day...There were some things happening that week that she kept giving me updates on ...I didnt bring up anything else about us because of the what was going on that week...I told her not to worry about it and just deal with what was going on...she did called me to apologize for messing up my work event & Christmas for me..she said she felt bad about it...well I decided to not talk to her for awhile...she called me last weekend and i didnt anwser...she said she wanted t talk about what was going on & to possibly have dinner this week...I just didnt call back...the next day she sent me a text asking if was ok...i didnt respond...she later texts me that she owes me an apology for hurting me and that I am a good man & she didnt treat me as such....so i called her back and let her talk...You should have just ended all contact, she already flushed you down the drain...you were out...no point in communicating with her again. she comes out telling me that she didnt want to have the pressure of getting married soon...she wanted to get to know me and make sure I am the right one for her...she wants to go out w/her friends, and then the kicker she wants to be able to meet new friends...so i say you want to date...she said she didnt want to do that...she likes building friendships and then see what happens from there...she still wants to see me, date me, and just get to know one another and not go so fast...i told her I wasnt even ready to get married...i told her I wasnt even ready to use the L word yet...I wasnt sure...then I asked her if there was somebody else...then she tells me that there is another person she wants to know as a friend and not close the door on getting to know the other person...she feel slike if I am supoose to be the one for her and the one she ends up with...I just told her she is everything I wan right now and I was willing to accept everything about her...she said if I was sure about that...I said of course...that to me is how you get know a person...I asked her why she introduced me to her family & wanted me to do everything w/her & her family...her answer was because she cared about me & that what she wanted at the time...it scared her so much that her family enjoyed me alot that she panicked and felt the pressure of them wantng us to get married...they never even mentioned that...I told her its not up to our families and that it would be up to us if that were to happen...in al she said I made her happy, she is still attracted me and still wants to se me for dinner...I dont know..I havent talked to her in a couple of days...she did call me @ work to leave to a message asking me how I was...i havent called back..dont know if I will...i am so torn up about all this..she is everything I wanted & made me very happy...I know what we had is gone...if i see her for dinner things will be weird I know...I also have her Christmas gifts for her & her family...do I give them to her? Do I have dinner w/her...after we talked she wanted to talk again to let things soak in...I did ask her not to give up on us...I jut dont know what do...sorry if i feel like i talked alot and kind of went everywhere with it...i was trying to sum it it shorter...all this has even affected my time I spend w/my family that are visiting for the holidays....All of the crap she said is just that, CRAP. She not only flushed you down the drain but now she wants to keep you in the background in case things don't work out with the new guy that she is exploring. Talk about having your cake and wanting to eat it too. Do not let her do that. She is OUT FOR LIFE as far as I would be concerned. When you think of her, think of this word----NEXT. She is only toying with you and no longer interested. You sound like a great guy and it is time for you to find a woman that will treat you right and be 100% interested in you. Believe me when I say this woman has ZERO interest in you. I don't care if she had her parents adopt you the last time you visited them, NONE OF THAT MATTERS. What does matter is she broke up with you and admitted to being interested in another guy. GOODBYE is a word that you should say as you flush her number down the toilet and never accept another call from her.

Good Luck Man
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Old 22nd December 2010, 8:58 PM   #3
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called again

well since she called me yesterday @ work and left me a vm saying she was seeing how I was doing and she would talk to me later...I never called back nor do I like to bring that type of stuff to work...just a few minutes ago she just called em to see if i happen to call her office and apologized we havent touched base since we talked last...I dont know what to do...its so hard to shut her out...she wants to have dinner of course...
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Old 22nd December 2010, 9:05 PM   #4
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She's OUT

Quote:
Originally Posted by isitme1 View Post
well since she called me yesterday @ work and left me a vm saying she was seeing how I was doing and she would talk to me later...I never called back nor do I like to bring that type of stuff to work...just a few minutes ago she just called em to see if i happen to call her office and apologized we havent touched base since we talked last...I dont know what to do...its so hard to shut her out...she wants to have dinner of course...
2 key things

1. She broke up with you
2. She admitted her interest in another guy even though she knew you were deeply in love with her----real nice....talk about rubbing salt in an open wound

Talk about NOT CARING ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL AT ALL.

She wants to get a free dinner from you and use you as a backup plan in case things don't work out with the new guy.

You definitely need to move on man...not trying to hurt you...but you will be hurting yourself if you let her back in your life...she has low interest level and doesn't give a crap about your feelings since she:

1. She broke up with you
2. She admitted her interest in another guy even though she knew you were deeply in love with her----real nice....talk about rubbing salt in an open wound

NEXT!
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Old 22nd December 2010, 9:20 PM   #5
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well thank you for the help...this definitely has been a gruesome year for me...thought I had something..yes I keep beating myself up for it and just blame myself for what has happened...just doesnt make it feel good when everything was going well to all of sudden feels like she cant stand the sight of me...how i can turn her off that quick...
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Old 22nd December 2010, 9:52 PM   #6
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From what I read, you didn't do anything wrong. Answer yourself these questions. Did she break up with you? Yes, she did. Did she say something along the lines of wanting to remain friends? More than likely.But, you know what? She either gets 100% of you or nothing. Dude, NC. I know you're hurting, Lord knows most us know EXACTLY how you're feeling.

But you DESERVE to be someones number one. You are gonna find a girl that can't get enough of you. I also speculate that this won't pan out the way she's got it planned out in her head. And by the time she figures that out, it will be too late for her.
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Old 22nd December 2010, 10:08 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by isitme1 View Post
well thank you for the help...this definitely has been a gruesome year for me...thought I had something..yes I keep beating myself up for it and just blame myself for what has happened...just doesnt make it feel good when everything was going well to all of sudden feels like she cant stand the sight of me...how i can turn her off that quick...
She was probably losing interest and you were missing the signs or she's just not wrapped tight. Either way, it is over and you have to move on. I know that you are hurting man, and I'm sorry but in time you will see that having a girl that deserves your love is the way to go, and this one doesn't. She's proven that.

The next time, don't give in so quickly...make sure that you have a girl that is really into you before committing yourself......not beating you up though...she very well may have just been someone that was a bit of a mental case...it happens.

Just make sure that you fall in love slowly with a girl that is normal, stable, nice, modest, kind, fun, self-reliant and flexible the next time you get involved with a girl.....and you will have another chance
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