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Can anyone relate to family involved breakups?


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Hello guys,

I recently (one month ago) experienced a sudden and horrible breakup with my Fiance for 2 years . We were supposed to get officially married 2 months later in my next vacation, and have our wedding in 6 months . I am in a different country since four months starting my PhD, and she just graduated and found a nice Job in IT. The whole thing happened within a couple of days with her father taking the decision so quickly over some phone dispute with my elder sister who was managing all our wedding preparations, and my own apartment finishing since i am abroad. The whole thing happened with a phone call from her mother to my sister asking about the wedding venue, and number of people invited, .. and maybe my sister talked in an aggressive way, so that made her mother so angry, that she called back and told her not to interfere in anything. Anyways the issue was calmed down a bit because her mother called my mum, and talked about the little clash that happened between my her and my sister. When i knew this happened, and also knew that my sister was devastated, because she felt that she was misunderstood, and was talked to very harshly, i was afraid this would make a crack between my sister and her mother, that will cause future problems. The problem is that I was really busy at work, with a due presentation next day, and i also had troubles with recharging my VOIP software, so i couldn't call anybody back home, except if they were online on skype, or called me. So i took the convinced my sister to call her father, and explain what happened, and she did, and the call went ok only with a little criticism of something she said to my mother in law.

To my surprise next day my sister inform me, that her father called my mother (didn't even bother to call me!) and told her that he ends this relationship because my sister is a dominant person, and he cant risk seeing his daughter married to a guy with a dominant sister who would interfere in his relationship!! I was SHOCKED and called him hor an hour to try to reason with him with no use. A couple of hours after, i started getting emails from her mother telling me she didnt weant this to happen, but its now her husband's decision after what i made my sister tell him what happened. Then goodbye messages started to pop out, and my mother had a very short agressive phonecall with him accusing him with being unfair to all of us and my sister, because she is not theta person he thinks she is.

 

She (my fiancee) also refuses to communicate with me by any means because her father told her so (we live in a middle Eastern country, and the father has so much power, that usually the girl has no say about anything without approval of her father). (one issue is that her father was not happy from the beginning with the idea of traveling and taking my wife with me, he isn't fond of the concept that his daughter would be far away from him, i don't know but maybe this is one of the hidden reasons or at least subconsciously there in his mind!)

 

I'm now confused what to do, i still love her, but nor she nor her mother showed any signs of fighting for me! should i go on with my life and starting seeing other girls, that a lot of friends have recommended, or should i step on my pride, and over all my family's pain and try one last time convince her to fight for this one last time?

 

i knowits a difficult decision to make, we actually had some few emails going just in the days after, but when i tried to make her open hear heart and tell me whats her personal opinion in the matter, she just responded very vaguely and shortly telling me that she warned me not to tell her father about this clash, and just blaming all this on me and my sister. What is hurting me is that somehow she is taking her family's side, and was really defensive about her family. I know everybody doesnt like to hear bad things about close family, or seeing them get attacked, but she is honestly not doing any fighting even emotional one, that what realy hurts!! In our last mail these were the last words to me:

 

""Its soooo hurting!! but this is the best for both of us!! i swear i will pray for you everyday!! i wont ever hate you, .....you are a pure and sensitive person and treasure for any girl.........ALL what i want is for you tp focus on your phd!! you are STRONG!!!!!!! you can make it without me because you are very strong and genius !!! believe me god will reward you because you are so much for any girl . Thank you for letting me learn lots of good things . Sorry to say goodbye.""

 

what is very confusing, and what made me angry, is that after taking some days to absorb the shock, i tried emailing her asking her to open her herat and tell me her own opinion wether she agrees with the decision to breakup, but i never got any useful talk, only a short blame, and a harsh talk:

this was last communication :

""the only cause of ending our relation started when ur sister talked to my mother in an aggressive way WITHOUT ANY REASON and then she didn't only just did this but she exaggerated the whole subject when she called my father and what really frustrated me that you the one who told her to do so( in spite of my advices, and seeing the whole matter with her eyes and not your eyes and this was something that was worrying me very much as i told you once before. The travel has nothing to do in ending the relationship MUM AND DAD ACCEPTED IT WITH OPEN HEARTS.......

IF YOU SEND ME ANOTHER EMAIL I WONT EVEN READ IT AND DONT FORGET THAT MY FATHER CANT ACCEPT OUR CHAT AND I DO RESPECT MY FATHER'S WISH SO THAT IS WHY I AM NOT GONNA ANSWER YOU AGAIN, AND I WONT EVEN READ YOUR MAILS

HOPE YOU UNDERSTANTD.""

 

SO HERE IS WHAT I WANNA KNOW GUYS, I ASKED A CLOSE FRIEND TO ASK HER IF SHE IS WILLING TO HELP SAVING THIS RELATIONSHIP WHEN I GO HOME ON VACATION BY TALKING TO HER FATHER. DO YOU THINK IF SHE DIDNT SUPPORT THIS, THAT SHE REALLY ENDED IT EMOTIONALLY AND WENT ON, OR IS SHE JUST TRYING TO PROTECT HER EMOTIONS BY AVOIDING ANOTHER FAILURE IN SAVING IT AFTER THE SHOCK ALREADY PASSED, AND WE TOO BEGAN TO ABSORB THE SADNESS AND SHOCK.

 

I WILL APPRECIATE YOUR OPINIONS ON WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO AT THIS STAGE?

 

Thanks

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I know this is hard to grasp for any westerner, for family to have that kind of influence in the first place, but what are your point of view guys, just your hunch or common sense, i will appreciate any advice.

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