I acted needy and desperate

[mmiller5373]

To make a long story short, my girlfriend and I were on and off again for 2.5 years. I was putting myself through college and she was working two jobs, so our stress levels were pretty high. I recently graduated college with no job hopes. Have been unemployed for months. I had to move back in with my mother who lives a good 3 hours away. I'm 24, so yeah, life sucks right now. Being far away from my girlfriend was tough too. Not going to get into all the reasons for why she broke up with me, except to say that it was mostly my fault. It's been rough for me being moneyless and living with my mom. I got upset at my girlfriend over something stupid and it turned into a huge fight. Then it all went sour from there. I didn't hear from her for a week and I kind of figured that was a good thing because it usually takes her some time to get over things. I finally called her and she was distant. I sensed something was wrong, and stupidly, thought the best thing was to not shower her with any more attention. I gave her some more time. A week later she breaks up with me through a text message. Yeah, a text message. After 2.5 years. She knows how bad things have been for me lately and she breaks up with me through a text message. Well, here's a list of how things went down since she broke up with me. It's all over a span of 3 months. Just going to throw this out there. We've had breakups and breaks before and I never acted this way before. I guess it's because I was unemployed, moneyless, living with my mom, and away from friends. I had nothing to focus on except the breakup and the one I lost. It brought me down even more.

 

- She texts and breaks up with me. I call dozens of times and we talk. I beg and beg, but it doesn't work.

- A week later, I drive back to see her, but she isn't home. Her brother tells me she went to the beach on vacation. I didn't know nothing about a vacation, so I call her dozens of times. Get nothing but a picture message of her at the beach.

- A week later, I call her a bunch. Still get no response. She finally calls me and we talk for a bit. She kind of eases the pain a little bit, but still tells me that we both need to move on because this just isn't working. Of course, I acted weak and started crying.

- A week later, I drive back to see her again. She looked happy to see me. We talked about new things in our lives, but as soon as I brought up the breakup, things went sour. I cried and begged for her to take me back. Asked her what I could do to change her mind. Doesn't work. I leave really pissed off.

- A few days later, I go by her house again. She ends up walking outside and getting into her car, saying she has to leave. She tells me she never wants to see me again. I get even more emotional again.

- Three weeks later, I call her and text her. Didn't get a reply.

- A few days later, she deletes me as a friend on Facebook. She changes her profile picture to a picture of a rose that's sitting on her counter. It's caption is, How Can One Rose Be So Beautiful?

- A week later, I go by her house and she's not there. Her brother-in-law is outside. He tells me she's been gone all day with a friend. We talk for a bit and he says he'll tell her I came by. He's always been a friend of mine, so he feels for me. He knows I'm in pain.

- The next day, I start thinking some bad thoughts. My girlfriend didn't have many friends, so I start thinking that she must be with another guy now. She never really hung out with friends before, now all of a sudden she's miss social? I go by her house again. Her car is there. I call her and she doesn't respond. A few minutes go by and her brother-in-law pulls up next to me. He says he had a long chat with her the night before and that she's afraid of me. Freaked out. She wants nothing to do with me. He told me to leave her alone for a few weeks to let her cool down.

- A month later, I send her a message apologizing for my behavior. Telling her I just want her to be happy and I'd like to talk with her. Told her it's been rough for me being alone, living with my mom. Never get a response.

- 2 weeks later, I end up getting a job in my field back where I use to live. I send her a text, telling her that I got a job and I'm moving back. Still haven't got a response.

 

Haven't got a response from her in 2 months.

 

It's just so weird. August 1st we were totally in love. That was the last time we saw each other when we were together. I spent the weekend with her and I had to leave, to go back to my mom's. She cried and begged me to stay with her. It's just so amazing how feelings can change in a few days.

 

Looking back, I know I acted so badly. I can't believe I didn't have any self-control. I was never like this during the relationship. I was a good guy. Never controlling, jealous, or abusive. We just had our fights. I'm just afraid she's always going to remember me as the desperate, needy guy that wouldn't leave her alone. Have I just completely screwed up any chance I had to get her back?

[SeriousBob12]

Dude, I hate to be upfront but you did just about everything wrong.

 

If she's like most girls, any hope you had of getting her back (which I don't think was much) you destroyed and pushed her away.

 

We're all guilty of getting desperate and clingy, so don't be hard on yourself just realize not to do it next time around. You wouldn't be the first guy to get needy, clingy, cry, beg, plead tho I definitely think you went overboard and into creeper territory by showing up at her house a bunch of times. As I said DO NOT DO THIS WITH YOUR NEXT GIRLFRIEND!

 

I don't really see a chance for you guys, and if there is some it won't be for a long while...

 

Look how much she's avoided you dude, rejected your attempts and flat out ignored you. She's not going to wake up one day and just start liking you again. Your best bet is to forget about her and move on. I know this wasn't what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth dude.

 

Hang in there man, and learn from this experience. We all make mistakes, especially in relationships. The best thing you can do is learn from it and at least walk away with something.

[jlushman]

Reading through your story and I can relate. I'm of similar age to you and I was with a girl in the past that I became desperate to be back with her when we broke up.

Funny how it works out, as when I was with her I used to go on like I didn't care about her and she used to get very upset. When she broke up with me it hit me like a bombshell, couldn't stop thinking about her.

I had no routine in my life at the time aswell, no job, sleeping through the day and attempting to sleep at night, begging her on a daily basis for her to give me another chance.

She'd not reply to my texts and calls aswell after a while. I was broken for a few months. Its hard, heartache always is. Turned out that this girl had been seeing another guy, that was like rubbing salt in the wounds.

Its funny now 3 years on I hate her (its mutual) and would never even dream of getting back with her. All I can recommend to get you through this hard time is concentrate on your job and hang out with friends, it definitely takes your mind off her.

She is in the wrong for not replying or getting intouch with you when she knows how down you are, you aren't in the wrong for having these feelings. Stay strong brother.

[Fufu]

No worries about doing all these weird things a break up. We are human beings, we made mistakes, we let emotional run over our head. Don't over blame yourself.

 

As all the threads here suggest, go NC. Go NC to heal your emotional, as well as giving her some space. Right now, I believe she just wants to have some space and break away from relationships.

[mmiller5373]

I know that I went over board. I think it's basically because I've had nothing else to think about except her. I don't have any social life since moving in

With my mother so it's like I don't have a life really. It's actually really sad lol. She was my life. And I think that scared her. Still, I'm beginning to see that I deserve better. I'm in a tough situation and she made matters worse. She never even thought about how hard things would be on me. Every time I've gone NC I start to feel better. As soon as I break contact I go back to square one. I guess deep down inside I had hoped giving her space would help. I just have to let her go now. It sucks. I did love her.

 

She says there's no other guy but I still feel like she's not telling me 100%. Am I just being paranoid?

[Fufu]

mmiller5373: Glad to hear that you are feeling better and growing stronger.

 

Whatever she says now does not matter anymore.... the truth is she chooses to leave. You can choose to make yourself happy also

[mmiller5373]

I just don't understand what her deal is. Why she broke up with me so many times, only to come back to me.

 

I actually told her I needed a break back in February. When our anniversary came around (middle of March), she called me wanting to hang out that night. Thought it was kinda weird, but we did. I tried holding her hand, but she moved away. I get upset at her about it and pretty much told her off. We didn't speak at all for a month. I recently found out that she was talking with my family members during this time. She was pretty much telling them she wanted me back, but that didn't know what to do. I started seeing another girl, but realized after a few weeks that I still loved my ex. I got back in contact with her, but she wanted no part of it. She pretty much told me it's over. It's weird because it was all the same time that she was telling my family she wanted me back in her life. I was right there, in plain sight, telling her I still loved her. A month goes by and she shows up at my graduation, unexpectedly. We started hanging out some more and eventually got back together. One night she gets on my computer and I'm logged into FB. She reads some of my messages and finds out some intimate stuff that I did with the other girl I was seeing. This upsets her and she runs off again. Says it's over. I was pretty upset at her for reading my private messages so I told her off. I ended up getting into a little depression and sent her some depressing messages. She came to my house crying, begging me to give her some time to think things over. I told her to leave me alone and that I wanted nothing to do with her because she keeps playing games with me and hurting me. In early June I make the decision to move in with my mother, who, like I said, lives 3 hours away. My ex finds out about it and starts begging me to stay. We end up getting back together and that's when things started getting worse. Flash forward to the first post I had.

 

I've talked with her brother-in-law a lot recently. Apparently, all of her family members have been having issues with her for years. This is something I didn't really know about. He says she's a selfish person and that her sister and brother are always fighting with her about her selfishness. They aren't surprised that she did this to me again. Even though it's their sister, they think I deserve better.

 

I know it's a tough time, but I know I deserve better. Someone who doesn't play games. Someone who knows what they want.

 

I don't know if she was ever really in love with me or if she was just afraid to let me go. I honestly feel used. Why do you all think?

[Fufu]

Maybe she was really in love with you or maybe she was just too afraid to let you go. There's so much maybes..

 

The truth is, "She ends this relationship."

 

It doesn't serve any purpose second guessing her actions and words to you.

 

If she wants you back, let her do the chasing... not you. Dumpers (us) don't have to do anything. We only need to move on and be happy.

[mmiller5373]

Noticed last night that she completely blocked me from Facebook. The last time I got in touch with her was a week ago. I sent her some messages apologizing for my behavior.

 

This morning I decided to call her number, so I used *67. "This number is not a working number." She changed her number.

 

I pushed her away. This sucks.

[Fufu]

There are a lot of reasons why she block you... it could be she want to forget you or she doesn't want you to know about her life anymore.

 

Be glad that she changed her number, so you won't have to contact her anymore

[mmiller5373]

Why is it so hard to forget the past? To move on? I know I deserve better, but I still can't help thinking about her. I go through so many emotions. I hate her, then I get sad, then mad, then I miss her, then I feel desperate... It's a viscous circle. Seems like I move forward then take two steps back. I guess the contacting her was making matters worse because deep down inside I felt like giving her time would make her realize she missed me. You're right, now I can't contact her and this was the last straw. She's gone. I will never know why she did what she did or if she truly did love me.

[AlisaMarie]

Why is it so hard to forget the past? To move on? I know I deserve better, but I still can't help thinking about her. I go through so many emotions. I hate her, then I get sad, then mad, then I miss her, then I feel desperate... It's a viscous circle. Seems like I move forward then take two steps back. I guess the contacting her was making matters worse because deep down inside I felt like giving her time would make her realize she missed me. You're right, now I can't contact her and this was the last straw. She's gone. I will never know why she did what she did or if she truly did love me.

I did everything right with the exception of a few week moments of frantically texting. It led me into 5 months of an on and off relationship that I clearly loved the guy more than he loved me. Maybe she would have missed you... and you may never know what's really going on in her head and heart. But at this point, it really doesn't matter. What matters is that you get yourself over her and on with your life. I understand though, all of the what ifs and whys...it is torture!

[mmiller5373]

Well, to make matters worse, now I know why she gave me a reason to act so needy and desperate. I just found some pictures of her romantically kissing another guy. These pictures were taken back in the middle of September. She broke up with me on August 24th. I guess I've finally got some closure now. Now I understand why she did everything that she did. She should have been honest with me and she's a hypocrite for not being honest. This guy must have swept in while we were having trouble. I don't know how long he's been there, don't know if she was kinda seeing him before she broke up with me. I would assume so because she's a virgin and it took us forever to kiss.

Edited November 27, 2010 by mmiller5373

[Fufu]

mmiller5373: Whether the guy came into the picture when you guys were still together or after you guys were no longer together really doesn't matter to you anymore.

 

The positive thing is, "you are not with her anymore".

Celebrate your singlehood

[mmiller5373]

I know that once she broke up with me she's free to do whatever she wants, but she should have told me the truth.

 

I'm starting my new job on Monday and I feel like trash now. I just feel so used, like she strung me along until another guy came along.

[bl22]

I know that once she broke up with me she's free to do whatever she wants, but she should have told me the truth.

 

I'm starting my new job on Monday and I feel like trash now. I just feel so used, like she strung me along until another guy came along.

 

 

i know how it feels. my ex did tell me about the other guy but its stil the same. least now you know what shes really like, and you can move on. The stuff you did may sound embaresing or bad but at the end of the day you had no answers and didnt understand why.....but she did, and kept that from you....she must have felt some ounce of guilt about it and must understand why you did those things because she wasnt telling you the truth.

 

Dont contact her again and chances are it wont work out with this new guy , and if she tries to contact you just tell her you know why she left you and you dont assosiate with bare faced liars. and then dont speak to her. only then will you ever get some sort of apology but i wouldnt count on it. Dont beat yourself up over what happened, it happens to everyone pretty much. And it will most likely happen to her and my ex.

[mmiller5373]

It's honestly like she's a completely different person than who I thought she was. I don't think I'll hear from her until this relationship goes bad. It may be some years down the road but I know she'll realize one day that she made a huge mistake.

 

I'm hurt yes. But it's nice to find out all this stuff about her because now I know the type of girl she really is.