This is my story!!

[Jdw_Icequeen]

Well I have actually been here before when I went through my divorce it was even tougher on me then I feel now.. For me its good to cope by just expressing my feelings and have as many people as I can to reach out to.

 

What I would like to get out of this hopefully is some good friends to lean on and vice versa. Everyone needs friends right? As you get older it definetly seems harder to make real friends!!

 

Well a little about me is I have been a homeaker for 10 yrs and have 5 kids that absolutly adore.

 

Well me and my boyfriend have been together a yr he would talk about marriage all the time and I told him several times that I don't think I want to ever get married agin. He was wonderful affectionate and truly a decent man. Yes I do know what went wrong in the relationship. I know what I did wrong aswell. Its never a one sided story. I think one of the major problems was communication. You know how we women always say men don't communicate? Well this one was the worst at communication. I talked to him early about this in the relationship of course hoping it would change.

 

Well saturday night after about 3 weeks of being stressed with everything and eachother. Not even really fighting just small arguments that were no big deal he left!!!!!! OUt of nowhere and left me a not that he needed time to clear his head and basically wasn't happy but said a few times he did want to fix things and still loved me but wasn't in love with me. Yes of course the magic words..

 

Well I am in a pretty bad spot right now staying with my mom and not having a job or work experience. So yes stressed to the max and did cry until I could'nt cry anymore!!

 

Well I realized after he left I didn't know what I really wanted either. That I also need time to clear my head. Which I thought about before but never realized I wanted it or needed it this much.

 

Yes I want him back at this point. Although I'm not really sure how much.

So for me it was positive to look into how to get him back and reading positive things. In all of this as I'm sure alot of you know. The only way to get him back is to take control and basically move on with your life. This is a win win. You get your selfconfidence back you start thinking more about what you need and want for yourself!! It will also put your past relationship into perspective!

 

So I cried I pleaded I begged him come back I love you I LOVE YOU! Desperation is a nasty thing and it feels horrible. I finally calmed down then he called me because I needed to hear it from him not see txts!

Closure! Of course he said the same things I cried I begged a bit more. I tried to calm myself as much as possible and mostlytry and think about and focus on me and my plans. Then he changed his fb status. OMG RIGHT!! Yes agin it felt like the break up happend all over agin. So I txted and pleaded don't do this.. I LOOOOOOVE YOU!! pfffft!

 

No I don't know why this happend out of the blue why he never communicated what was wrong with us I feel like he broke so much trust! He knew how I felt because of my divorce and trusting ppl. So of course I asked if he was seeing someone. He keeps reassuring me he isn't. Honestly I don't know for sure either way but can't focus on that.

 

So even if we did get bacak together. I don't know how I feel about it exactly right now. The trust is gone he messed up really bad. I will still take control and do what needs to be done.

 

Today is day 4, I have been up and down and all over the place. I am doing nc. We have a baby together so there will be contact eventually. No you cannot read anything into your ex contacting you even without kids!! He needs to see and know I've left the relationship I'm happy and moving on with my life. Agin a win win situation! I need to move on to be happy wether there is a chance for us or not. If you don't try and move on you will never be happy! I know its hard definetly is for me.

 

I am now looking into nursing schools doing things I have to do to make myself feel better and confident and make me overall happy with myself. Because thats what I need. I am reconnecting with friends and family. I'm spending alot of time with my kids and I'm not going to let a day go by that I don't accomplish somthing! Ok I might not feel like rolling out of bed! But I will force it!

 

How long will he go without no contact? Who knows. What I do know is I know he is stressed and confused about things. That dosen't mean that he dosen't know what he wants though. It also dosen't mean he won't change his mind.

 

When he does call.. You know he will because we have a baby and financial responsibilitys. I have to be positive even if I'm totally in a grit that day. I will say hi be cheerful and positive. Ask how he is, and the purpose for the call. I will keep the conversation light and to the point. I will let him do all of the talking. This will keep me from saying things I might regret and let him realise I am really ok without him!!

When a silent pause happens well I am getting ready to go so dosen't matter what excuse its just time to go. The conversation shouldn't last more then 2 or 3 mins. He may say ok well talk to you soon. No I won't ask when or anything. I will say ok take care and be done. Its important to keep all our conversations about whatever it is to a minimum.

 

After the conversations I really will go run errands and do somthing to take my mind of anything and everything that might have to do with him.

This is the only thing that will work to get him back or TO MOVE ON!

I haven't really figured out what to do when he comes by to see the baby.

 

I'm not that far yet. I really don't want to think about it either. This is just the methods I am doing and how I feel. Maybe its been helpful to you or maybe you have advice for me, or both!

 

Now I'm sorry this ran so long lol.. I also will apologize at punctation and misspellings now. English wasn't my strong point.

 

Hope to hear from you guys. I will keep updating me and my progress even if no one is listening to express myself just makes me feel better!! Have a good morning afternoon day or night!!