This doesn't make sense, right?

[Kaylace]

So I've been reading this forum and it seems like a lot of you have good advice to give. I have a situation where I could definitely use some..

 

I dated my ex for 1 year and we got along perfectly. He constantly talked about marriage and our future. The month before we broke up.. I noticed something had changed about him and he had stopped mentioning a future together. I brought this up to him and he denied anything was wrong and told me over and over how much he treasured what we had. Well fast forward a month later and my family (who always thought there was something off about him) and my ex ended up on really bad terms. I made it clear to him that I didn't care if my family didn't approve of him and that I was determined to stand by his side.

 

To make a long story short, he tells me he needs time off because he's too stressed with the whole situation but would like to possibly try again in the future. I focused on me and didn't text, beg, or call him AT ALL until about a month later when something came up that was necessary for me to speak to him. My intention was to speak to him about what i needed to and then go back to no contact as I actually had no interest in talking to someone who was able to say goodbye to me like that. Well after contacting him he immediately tells me he made a huge mistake, he misses me, that he thinks of me every single day, wants me back, and that he's ready to put behind any hurt feelings there was between the family. I was shocked and not expecting that at all but we both agreed we would talk/see each other and take things slow first. He talks to me nonstop for the next couple weeks and is very flirty as if we were together.

 

Ok, so I'm thinking he's eventually going to ask for us to date again but all of a sudden I notice a distance from him. The same kind of distance I mentioned earlier that was there before breaking up. I ignore it and try to excuse his behavior. Well after continuing and getting worse I address it to him. His answer is that he felt our conversations had turned more towards "being good friends" and that he thought I knew that too. He then proceeds to tell me the timing is wrong but wants to remain friends and see what happens down the line. When he first told me he wanted me back he made it seem like it was absolutely going to happen and now he's changed his mind and thought I would be able to read his mind and know all this??

 

My logical thinking is telling me "Next!" and to go completely no contact again without even telling him that I don't want to remain friends. Am I correct in thinking that he doesn't know what the hell he wants and is just trying to keep me hanging there as a back up? What would you do? I know deep down inside that I deserve someone that loves me and wants me 100%.. and I know that I'll be ok but right now my feelings for him are messing with my head and I feel crushed.

[Fern]

I suspect your logic is right. Cut him out. He's using you for an ego boost. I'm sure he 'cares'. I'm sure even my ex 'cares' - they're not psychopaths. But they're very damaged and very selfish and until they work through their issues they're not healthy for you to be around. If you hadn't called him would he have said all that stuff? If he REALLY wants to work on things - he'll be the one making first contact. Amputate him like a diseased limb.

[Kaylace]

I totally agree. I didn't want to focus on that back then but I'm thinking of it now. If he really missed me why didn't he contact me first? If his feelings changed why didn't he talk to me about it? Things just don't add up. Should I just go no contact without saying a word? Or should I have one last conversation with him. When we last talked he caught me by surprise with his response and I didn't get to say everything I feel now. There's a part of me that wants to get everything off my chest and then cut ties. I almost feel like I should just write an email though so I don't have to see him or hear his voice. Would this help so I can make that step in cutting him off or should I just run now?