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I'm doubting if she truly loves me, or if she's just too lazy to leave now


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Any Advice would help guys....I'll make it real easy to understand:

 

I'm 26, my girl is 23, we live together, We were inseparable & perfect for 4 years, a few quirks but really good fun and lots of love, mutually, I always took care of her, tried to give her space, respected her, never lied...Just loved her..... But then 4 months ago the sex stopped, THEN she started acting distant around me....THEN out of the blue she told me she's unhappy & that she was thinking about what it would be like to be on her own, do her own thing, without a boyfriend. She said she loves me and that i'm her dream guy, but she feels like she needs to figure out her life, which is sort of a big deal, because she's always been sort of wallflower. So i can totally understand where she's coming from and I don't want her to be unhappy. But the whole time we were togehter, I ALWAYS pushed for her to have her own space and feel like she could do her own thing, even though we were a couple. I just never wanted her to feel trapped. But she always declined and said she'd rather spend the time with me. But my problem is...That was a month ago, and we're still living together so it's been difficult because i'm still so in love with her BUT she seems to change her mind everyday. She still tries to hold my hand and cuddle up to me, but doesn't seem to want to kiss me.

 

A week and a half ago she broke down and said that maybe now she wants to stay because she loves me and wants to still do things together and maybe she was foolish and maybe we should take a trip together...I was sort of reluctantly buying it. Who Wouldn't Want To Hear That? She started looking at airlines and rates and I offered to make things totally different and do things different this time, no pressures, no stressful expectations, just love and fun. I thought maybe she was regretting the whole thing....BUT all this past week and weekend there's been no talk about a trip , She's been hanging with her best friend pretty much every day. And i haven't been able to really see her. I feel stupid because I change my plans to be home when she gets home but then when i get there, she says she's going out with her bestfriend and gives a hug and takes off. I get mad at myself for getting my hopes up and for looking foward to seeing her, when she obviously wants to do other things. Anyway, I don't know if i should hang around or not. I've paid all the rent the past 2 years so she could have money for school, I've been buying all the groceries the past month, I've been cleaning the house, I've been doing all the laundry(which i always do anyways). I want her to be out and to feel free to do her own thing....But i'm doubting if she truly loves me, or if she's just too lazy to leave now so she figures she'll stay. I feel like she's being inconsiderate, but I don't want to hate her, because she's obviously going thru some issues.

I don't know, Am I a Fool?

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yes you are

 

you sound like one of the better guys out there and this girl is just playing ya like a flute. she using ya more or less. kick her out and say bye bye and find yourself a real woman who can not only take.. but give back as well :)

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I think you should encourage your girlfriend to finish what she started.

 

If she wants to be on her own, then "on her own" is where she should be! That means, you should STOP paying the rent and being financially responsible for her. I think the fact that you are taking care of her, more like a parent than a boyfriend, is exactly why she's still sticking around. I wonder if she's already starting to distance herself so that she can leave you anyway after her schooling is finished.

 

SELF MATTERS...and you should not continue to allow yourself to be "used."

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Thanks for those words guys....It's funny....I thought when she came home from work today we could talk but , guess what...She went out with her bestfriend AGAIN! It's funny because she says: "I can cancel" "I Can stay home if you want", But what am I supposed to say to that ? If she wanted to stay home with me, She'd just cancel and stay, right? I mean this is the 4th day in a row. What should I Tell her????

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If I were you I would put my foot down, quickly. I would tell her that you are unhappy wit hthe way things have been and that she needs to leave. Then give her a time limited ultimatum or something. Say that you like her out in two weeks. Either A.) she will squirm for a while and staighten her act up because she sees that you won't put up with it. -or- B.) she will leave. Either way you will have some closure and you won't have to put up with her crap anymore.

 

I know it sounds tough but you gotta do it. Sometimes you gotta be the man, my friend.

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Just a thought, but is this "bestfriend" of her's a guy or gal? Like I mean, are u sure that she's not using her best friend as an excuse to go and spend time with some other guy? U gotta be prepared for all the possibilties.

 

Anyway I know how u feel, u want your g/f to stay, but u don't want to MAKE them stay, you'd wish they wanted to stay of their own accord... it's a differcult dilema, and all u can do i let them go.

 

It's hard to love someone and not recieve love from that person in return. We may try to everything in your power to show them that we're here for them, and how much we care, but in the end it's up to them, and eventually we have to realise that all our efforts are for a lost cause. You can only do so much, and until you must admit defeat, and that you're fighting a pointless battle. she may come around again in time, but you are u prepared to wait until she does, if she ever does. You have to decide when enough is enough, and when to cut your losses, and make sure you're not just getting strung along, and being played.

 

Hope everything turns out for the best.

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No, Her bestfriend is a girl. I don't think she could ever cheat on me. They just go out to eat and shop and hang out. Which is totally fine with me....I just don't understand where she's at in her mind. I guess she just wants to be free and be able to hang out as long as she wants and party a little and drink and have a good time with her bestfriend at parties or her house or whatever. It's not my fault though, that she felt she couldn't do that stuff when we were a couple. That's exactly what she told me too, That it's not my fault, she was just dumb and didn't do stuff for herself. And that's what she said last week, that she wanted to stay with me, live with me, do fun things together again, That she loved me a lot and that she could still do what she wanted with her life, but still be with me. And i said:

"That's the way i always said it should be.'' Let's change things make things better this time...Because honestly, We get along together really really good. We have so much in common and have great chemistry...But, now she's acting distant again so,,,,maybe you guys are right....Maybe I should just take off, I just don't wanna lose that love we used to have...But i guess i'm just too dumb to see that it's already lost.

 

SHould I swallow some pride and confess my undying love to her one last time to see if anything works???

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She may be feeling that because you've been together since she was (by some standards) rather young, that she needs to experience more of life independent of the life the two of you have had.

 

IF, you believe she is being honest with you and is not playing games with you, then let her go, but do not write her off just yet. Give things a bit of time. However, if you think she might be keeping you as some sort of backup in case she isn't finding something or someone better, then it's best to say adieu now.

 

In the meantime, don't tailor your own life to the hopes you have for her. Such a thing will only make you hurt and become resentful of her over time. Go about things without worrying about her timetable. This doesn't mean you should be out jumping anyone woman who is willing. That will create an entirely different set of problems.

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