whynow986 Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 Hello this is my first time here and I really would never expect to be seeking so much advice from everyone but I need to know what to do. Me and my girlfriend dated since we were both juniors in high school. Everything seemed so perfect we gave each other everything and experienced growing up in every aspect even…. Well after high school we both went off to separate colleges mostly because I had a chance to go and play football at my college and didn’t really have a chance of every playing at her school. Well after a month she said she needed to experience life without a boyfriend since we had been dating 2 years at that point I was shocked. I really couldn’t do much since I was in a different town and most of my time was taking up with football, traveling to games out of state and practicing everyday. I tried to talk her out of it over the phone but she wouldn’t change her mind. After 3 weeks she calls back and begs for my forgiveness and says she was so stupid to think she could live without me. I gladly agreed since I loved her so much and we spent the rest of the year being perfect and she seemed to love me even more than she ever did. I just tacked the break up to her just being young, and adjusting to college is very hard . I didn’t have to go through that as much since I had football. Well on with the story, our relationship was going so perfect it didn’t even seem like a long distance relationship. As time went by that year and we got even closer I decided to give up playing college football at my university and transfer to her school. This would let us be together and I could just walk on there and maybe earn a scholarship I was thinking. Well after finishing up our freshman year, I made it final and transferred to her school. I mean we were so happy together and I really think she is the one for me. When I got to my new college I was informed that I would have to sit out a year before I could play football bc of certain college rules with transfer students. I was devastated but she helped my get through it and I realized that football wasn’t my future, she was. At the time I didn’t think anything could go wrong. We started getting even more serious that year and I decided that I would just give up playing football next year and just finish school super fast and start my professional school while she finished her last year. We had it all planned, we went and looked at rings and she even booked marked her favorite designs to get made for her dream ring on my computer. I started saving and had over 4,000 dollars by this summer saved. The plan was to save a little more and finish this school year, ask her, start professional school and then get married the next year when she graduated May of 05. This is what she planned for us and kept begging that we do. She said “she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.” Brings us to her if your still reading, Last month she broke it off with me. I admit all summer I have been busy with summer school and she became really close with her new roommates. I was just trying to stick with the schedule and do what we planned. We were also both working to save money but she wasn’t in school. We did spend almost every night together at each others house but most of the time it was just to go to bed not the usual spending all day and night together. We did seem to be fading but I just thought it was the lack of time together nothing that After summer school wouldn’t fix, she even agreed that I was busy with school bc of our plans and she understood. Well she has never been good at picking out good friends and finally she found two of the best she has ever had. I was happy for her since I knew how badly she gave to other friends, just to have them stab her in the back.. I was glad she found true friends. Well both of these girls are our age 20 and both are single college students like most looking to enjoy the college life. She said that she just didn’t feel the same about us anymore and couldn’t go on living a life she wasn’t happy with. She told me I was the perfect boyfriend, that everyone agreed with her on that, but I wasn’t the right one for her. I asked about what she had planned for us and she said that it was just her settling because I treated her so well she knew she wouldn’t find any one better. This really shocked everyone that she did this and it crushed me. I sit her now in a town were I don’t know anyone, can’t play football, live with a stranger, and would never be if I didn’t think she was the one for me. I know I can’t blame her because it was my decision to make but is this permanent or is she just confused and needs to mature before making this decision. I never even mentioned marriage it was always her and I just decided to start saving for it since I thought “ well if she’s ready I know I want her in my life forever” that’s what I must do. We haven’t really talked much just the usual, her not loving me anymore and the other mean things exs say to make sure the other is not still holding on. Well I am and I love her soo so much. What am I supposed to think or do here in this town. She has been being more college like lately with her friends drinking more and partying more. Is this her growing up or is this a sign she isn’t the right person for me. I need some advice on how to deal with this break up I want her back but that’s not my decision to make right now. I know she has to want me to. There isn’t another guy I am 100% sure and she swears to me that a relationship is not what she wants right now she wants to live her life for herself and not for someone else. What do I do I try not to call but the most I can go is like 10days then I break and have to hear her voice. Schools gonna suck without my best friend, role model and lover. Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamrunner Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 Just this week, my g/f of three years broke it off for good. For three years, she was my best friend, my lover, my confidant. We spent so much of our time together too, and now that she's gone, the emptiness I felt before I met her is back. And now I'm dreading going back to school, where I don't really know anyone because I spent most my time with her. I don't know how much help I can be, but just know you're not alone. I'm rootin for ya, we're all in this together. Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 The best advice I can give is to try to give her the space she wants and try living more of the college life yourself. You need to make new friends of your own and try to get out and enjoy yourself. I know it's hard. But you know it's what she's doing so you might as well do it too. I would give it some time and if it doesn't look like things are going to change and you're not happy at that school, go back to wherever you're going to be happiest and get on with your life. You're both young. Most relationships that start that young don't last. Sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Posted August 27, 2003 Board of Directors Share Posted August 27, 2003 As a courtesy to those visitors who measure time in minutes, the original poster and his girlfriend were dating for approximately 1,893,600 of them, which equates to the time-span expressed in 3.6 renditions of "Seasons of Love" from the musical Rent. For those partial to seconds, we're talking roughly 113,616,000. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whynow986 Posted August 31, 2003 Author Share Posted August 31, 2003 Its me again and its been another week. I still can't stop thinking of her, and want to be with her so bad. Not having your best friend to talk to everyday and not having that someone special to cuddle with is very hard to do with out. This weekend was also hard because it was the first football game and her parents came up. Her parents and I are very very close and its more like they are my second parents. It is really weird not getting to hang out with them even know they are in the same town, I hate it so much. Her mom talks to me all the time on the Internet and hates that this has happened to us(me and there daughter and me not being able to spend time with them). But she tells me that I am to good for her daughter and should just move on and not look back. Yeah right easier said then done I tell her and she knows I feel so strong about her that I could never do that. I try not to call and so far its been like 2 weeks since we talked on the phone and 1 week since we talked on the Internet but with each day I want to call so bad. What do I do and will she ever come back? Is her mom right when she says that she just needs to experience life without me and that shell realize that I was something special? O and its our 4 year anniversary this Thursday should I give some sort of reminder to her or will that just hurt my chances? Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted August 31, 2003 Share Posted August 31, 2003 Her mom...tells me that I am to good for her daughter and should just move on and not look back. I know I wish I had listened to my ex's father in terms of his son! This is her MOTHER speaking to you. Likely she knows that you're hurt. Also likely she wants to protect her daughter. All of this is purely logical. I know that logic is NOT what you want to hear about, but it's the best way to begin to cope with your pain. You and this girl need to move in separate ways. You have to find things that will make you feel good about yourself, and you need to do some "totally guy" types of stuff. By no means should you turn on your former gf, unless she treats you completely like dirt. Time and space are the only things that are going to ultimately sort this out: YOU DESERVE IT TOO! Link to post Share on other sites
danandlea Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 hey i can totally understand what you did and EXACTLY how your feeling, please read my post, its "danandlea" fear that she could never love me again.... maybe take some advice?? take care, dan Link to post Share on other sites
ilmlbr Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 maybe if you start dating she will get jealous and want you back, good luck Link to post Share on other sites
emokid Posted September 5, 2003 Share Posted September 5, 2003 No, Don't play any games like making her jealous, that's no solution...It could backfire. I am yet another one that this sort of thing has happened to. My ex has tried to come back a few times, but then gets confused, then tells me she loves me, then changes her mind again. All that tells me that she does have regret and some days she's cool with it and other days she thinks she made a mistake. I think she loves you, other wise she wouldn't have come back the first time. She's just scraed probably, because in my experience, if you're in a young relationship that gets really heavy and there's talk of marriage, there's a good chance one of you will get scared and start thinking, I'm Too Young For This!!! I need to live my life! Just be cool, stay cool, be Mr Cool....Don't sweat it , i know it sucks i know it hurts, but you can't change a person's mind or make them feel things they don't feel. Maybe somewhere down the road, she'll realize she made a mistake. Until then, just be good to her when you do see her...and keep your sanity!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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