Have I made the right choice?!

[eltsac]

Hi all,

 

Just a quick briefing, Im sure you read loads of these!

 

My girlfriend dumped me about a month ago, stating that she needs to find herself and own inner strength, and that she just uses me as an escape from her problems. We have been together for 4 years, pretty good to be honest, but she did get in a rut, hated her job and would really just come to mine to chill out and forget her issues. I understood, accepted the break up because I truely want whats best for her.

 

Anyway, afterwards I went away for a bit, but we text everyday, always ending with i love you's and she would say she misses me. I was quite confused as she dumped me! It was making it really difficult and in truth gave me a hope for us that may have not been there in her head. Thats when I decided, when we next met, to sit her down and ask about 'us.' I just asked where we stood and she said that we were broken up. That she loves me, and misses me loads, but we arent together. That was enough for me, I said that I then need time, as I cant move on if she wont let me. It was quite confusing and very hard. We are genuinely best friends, but to me a lot more as we were lovers. I think guys and girls have differing views on this.

 

So I said I need time and have to think about moving on, although I dont want to, its only fair to unless she wants us back together. Which I know wouldnt work right away as its all too raw, but am still finding it hard to come to terms with that. I then sent her a text afterwards just re-explaining, and saying ill always love her, and am there for her, but need time...

 

She responded the next day with...“Yesterday was really hard for me, I hadn’t thought about losing you as my best friend and the closest person to me and it hurts to know that I have done that.. But I understand that this is best for us to move on, and I don’t want to, but know I have to. I will always love you, I still don’t think you know how much. I miss you every moment, so don’t think I am not thinking about you… Call me if and when you want, I'm always here…”

 

I havent responded yet, and dont know what to say. Ive heard the no contact thing etc., and am still hurt by the breakup a little bit... Though I do want her back, its not for me to say itll work, and I have no idea if she wants me back. That message is just confusing, stating she doesnt want to move on, but will have to etc..

 

Any advice? How do I respond, or do I leave it? Urgh... Ever since I said I need time etc. from her I am slowly moving on, and do feel that a bit, but also am worried about what Ive done as I still love her...

[Ajax]

Yeah, there are a lot of us here in a similar boat. Six weeks ago my ex pulled the "I need to figure myself out" card too. The worst thing about that is that you don't know where you stand and it gives you false hope that you'll get back together.

 

I think you should go NC so that you can move forward. You've given her every opportunity to rethink the breakup and she shut you down. Which means you ultimately need to come to the painful realization that she's done with you. At some point she felt confident enough that there was someone else out there that would make her happier that she could end her relationship with you.

 

It's not going to be easy and it's going to hurt, but you have to let her go. And she needs to let you go. If at some point she decides that she does want you back she knows how you feel. But there's nothing more you can do to bring her back.

[j0sh]

First things first, you need to do some soul searching! Ask yourself the following

Where do I see myself in 1 year?

Where do I think my ex is going to be in 1 year?

Where do I see myself in 5 years?

Where do I think my ex is going to be in 5 years?

Where do I see myself in 10 years?

Where do I think my ex is going to be in 10 years?

If you think you and your ex match up in most or all of these then you owe it to yourself to go get her back!

But take it from me, there is definitely a right and a wrong way to do this. There's obviously a reason shes your ex right? Do some more soul searching and try and figure out why it ended. Then once your confident you both have had time to cool off and aren't thinking with pure emotions then start over and start slow.