I feel like I did the right thing, but why do I feel so bad?

[hellopeople]

It is my firm belief that after you have your heart broken by someone, you can’t be friends (in my case I was totally blindsided). The way I see it, they didn't want the relationship or you enough to work through the issues. They would rather send you packing then try to salvage it. In other words, they don’t really want you around. So when my ex ended things, I told him I respected his decision and that I would no longer be around (I wasn’t going to try to stay with someone who didn’t want me). I kept that promise. While dumping me, he said we could still be friends. I told him that would not happen. And I’m sticking to it.

 

It’s been almost six months since I last saw my ex and I’ve been feeling amazing. I would be totally fine if I never saw him again. I felt like I was completely over it.

 

A couple of days ago I was walking with a male friend when out of nowhere my ex runs up to him and playfully tackles him. He then goes on to ask the usual questions, “how are you blah blah blah.” It was weird seeing this because these two guys had never really been friends. And after we broke up – they never talked. They had gotten to know each other because of me. I, on the other hand was pretty much ignoring him because my phone was being stubborn and not sending the text I had written. After an awkward silence he addressed me. I was pretty short with my answers and half heartedly laughed at his dumb joke (seriously, this kid tries way too hard to be funny). And while we were all walking, I glanced at him. I realized, looking at him, that he was not the person I had built him up to be – he was cocky and an attention grabber. I was almost repulsed that I had dated him.

 

Anyway, after we arrived at our destination – An event in the school theatre, we went our way and he went his. My ex then called my friend and informed us that there were two empty seats next to where he was (how convenient) and that we should come sit with him. We declined.

 

A few days later he texted me (This wasn’t the first text he sent me recently. A few weeks ago he texted me to see how I was doing. I replied fine and I hoped all was well with him.). It basically said that he had been happy to see me but he felt like there was so much tension between us because the relationship had ended badly. Duh. Yeah, it ended badly because of him – not me. I didn’t really know his motive behind the text. I mean, when we broke up, he made no attempt to apologize for the way he had handled it. He never apologized for hurting me. He never even gave me a reason. No closure. What kind of move is that? To this day, I still have no idea what happened, nor do I care. And he seemed perfectly fine with this “tension” while he was dating some other girl (but they broke up). If it didn’t bother you before, why now?

 

I wanted him out of my life. I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. I was done. Over it. I just wanted him to leave me alone. I don’t want to be his friend – we weren’t even friends before we started dating so why should we be friends after? Apparently he’s friends with all of his exs so this doesn’t apply to him. I thought of ignoring it, but that hadn’t stopped him from contacting me again in the past. I wanted to get the message across. So I texted him back with something like, “Look, I’ve moved on. So, please, just leave me alone.” Harsh I know.

 

He then replied, “ok. Sorry.” Sorry for what? I have no idea. I’m assuming for texting me. But now, hours after this happened, I feel like crying and I have no idea why. Maybe it’s because I’m the one who had to give us both closure so it feels like the end of the relationship all over again – only this time it’s me who’s kind of doing the dumping. The past 8 months of us being broken up, my ignoring him, blocking him on fb, avoiding him, have done nothing. I thought he would have received the message that I was done, but he didn’t. So I felt that telling him this was the only way to really let him know. And now I’m second guessing myself. Did I come across as still upset because I’m not. I don’t hate him but I don’t like him. I just want nothing to do with him. I want to move on. Live my life without having this crutch.

 

Did I do the right thing?

[Silvaria]

In my opinion, yes, you did the right thing. Your wound has healed to the degree that it has closed...you chose to keep it closed. I can't think of anyone in their right mind who would fault you for that.