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NC not working............


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My gf broke our 4.5 year relationship with me 5 months back and I've been in NC since then.From that day there's not a single day I think about her. I feel one day may call or message but nothing is working.

 

Similarly one of my close friend had a break-up and I suggested him the same. But he told that If we will don't contact her then its easy for a girl to forget you. He would constantly call and message he and finally he got her back. He told me that for girls its very easy to forget and if you don't contact her she wont even remember you.

 

I don't know what to do,I don't want to contact her directly,I just feel like sending a blank message so that she just think of me..I'm going mad each and every day..every night there are only her dreams,I don't know what to do..Please suggest me friends whether I should contact her.I need her very badly. She has set the privacy thing in facebook so that I may not know whats happening, Should I show her that even I've moved on or I should do things that make her think that i'm still waiting for her. I know if I wont do anything she will definitely not remember me, and even If she does,she wont contact me.. I want her badly,Please suggest me what should i do

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What i would do, and this might not be the right thing to do, is call her, if she picks up (you need to plan this out before hand) ask her to lunch, just as friends, and dont bring up anything about the past relationship when you get there, just act like u wanted to see how she was doing, but your doing great without her. Make sure u dont prolong it, and answer her questions vaguely so she wants to ask you more.

 

If she doesnt answer on the first try, dont txt or facebook or anything like that. Don't do anything, if you left on relatively good terms in a week i'd think curiousity would get the best of her, and she would call you just to see what it was about. Then ask out then. If she doesn't call back in a week or two, give her another ring. She will probably answer out curiousity. If she doesnt, then leave it alone, she may call you back, she may not, but if she doesn't, atleast u planted your image in her mind. If that doesn't work. Well nothings really going to work, atleast for now.

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Well I'm having the same problem here, execpt we do talk and it is mostly argueing. Alot of my friends tell me no contact will make her realise life without you and she will come back. Like you are I'm scared I will be forgotten so I've done things a little differently now. I use to text her everyday all the time and would see what she was saying on facebook. Well I deleted her so I couldnt see what she was doing and she couldnt see what I was doing. I dont want to upset her or her upset me. Next I wrote her a message saying I respect her feelings and see why we broke up. I agreed I wont say anything about what she does in her life and she will do the same for me. Now don't get me wrong she hasn't come back and she might never come back, but for the last week we have been chatting and getting along. She randomly messages me things that shes doing that we use to do. Now on the other hand she tells me and my friends different things about us so she may be confused. Anway I suggest if you really care about her just say you accept what happened and yall each have yall own lives now. It hasn't got my ex running back to me, but atleast we are no fighting anymore.

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Well I'm having the same problem here, execpt we do talk and it is mostly argueing. Alot of my friends tell me no contact will make her realise life without you and she will come back. Like you are I'm scared I will be forgotten so I've done things a little differently now. I use to text her everyday all the time and would see what she was saying on facebook. Well I deleted her so I couldnt see what she was doing and she couldnt see what I was doing. I dont want to upset her or her upset me. Next I wrote her a message saying I respect her feelings and see why we broke up. I agreed I wont say anything about what she does in her life and she will do the same for me. Now don't get me wrong she hasn't come back and she might never come back, but for the last week we have been chatting and getting along. She randomly messages me things that shes doing that we use to do. Now on the other hand she tells me and my friends different things about us so she may be confused. Anway I suggest if you really care about her just say you accept what happened and yall each have yall own lives now. It hasn't got my ex running back to me, but atleast we are no fighting anymore.

 

 

I think you did a good thing, i dont know how i'd play it from where you stand. I'd normally say back off for a month or two, but that might backfire since you guys are on good terms atm, she really might think you don't care anymore and start to try and put you out of her mind. I'd probably just try to limit contact for a while, make sure its all good, and then try to meet up with her when it seems like she's starting to miss you again.

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So do i call her back?? I am really worried, I think she would ignore me.

Actually During break up I called her and messaged her hundred times but she completely ignored me. She put on her parents in between so that i wont call her. She used her parents as an excuse to leave me but that was not the case.It was only she who dint want to keep.

 

I don't know what I should talk 2 her if she picked up.She may probably ask what I want and why did I call, what answer should I give for that??

 

Should I call her..Or just leave a blank message to her?

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DenverBachelor
So do i call her back?? I am really worried, I think she would ignore me.

Actually During break up I called her and messaged her hundred times but she completely ignored me. She put on her parents in between so that i wont call her. She used her parents as an excuse to leave me but that was not the case.It was only she who dint want to keep.

 

I don't know what I should talk 2 her if she picked up.She may probably ask what I want and why did I call, what answer should I give for that??

 

Should I call her..Or just leave a blank message to her?

 

My god, it's like I just walked into a one-legged ass-kicking competition. The blind leading the blind.

 

Hold up, son. You sound like you're stalking her. Messaging her a hundred times? Who told you women forget? Women don't forget any more or less than men. You need to go NC immediately before she calls the cops or gets a restraining order.

 

Seriously, you're way past the point of ever possibly getting her back. You're a complete freak to her now and if you persist in doing what you are doing, you're going to get into some dangerous territory. You've already walked into the beginning of a mind field. Just slowly back up and go back to NCville.

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NC - applied correctly - always - but always works.

iI you say it doesn't work - then it's you not letting it work.

NC works perfectly.

You're the one screwing up.

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If it was 5 months ago when you blew up her phone, I don't see the harm in calling her now. Continuing to go NC without doing anything won't get your ex back. You didn't say the reasoning behind the breakup so I have no idea if you even have a chance at getting her back. If it were me, I would call her. If she doesn't answer, just leave a short message and just say you were calling to see how she is doing. If she does answer, just ask how her and her family are doing. You can ask her if she would like to go to lunch sometime. Keep the conversation short. Don't talk about the relationship.

 

If you leave a message, just wait and see if you get a response. Don't blow up her phone like before. Only call once. If you don't hear anything from her, go back to NC. Wait 3-4 weeks and try calling her again. If no response then, unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do at that point.

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You're new to this, aren't you?

 

The guy clearly isn't over her.

Breaking NC is just picking the stitches tearing at the scab, and opening the wound again, if a person isn't over their ex-.

The only time it's safe to contact an ex- is if you feel completely indifferent to them.

The whole point of No Contact is to stop thinking about the ex-, find new interests and do new things.

keeping in touch for absolutely no sound, valid reason whatsoever, other than to keep a link with the ex- is fruitless, heartbreaking and pointless.

The only motive the OP has to keep in touch, is to satisfy the urge to contact her YET AGAIN for the pure and simple reason that he wants to.

 

he shouldn't contact her at all, under any circumstances, and for absolutely any reason other than to tell her that her house is on fire.

 

And if by any chance she gets in touch with him, the only thing he should respond to is, "I made the biggest mistake of my life and I want you back, will you ever forgive me?"

 

Otherwise - in either case - breaking NC is just crapping diarrhoea upwind.

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starryeyed12
My god, it's like I just walked into a one-legged ass-kicking competition. The blind leading the blind.

 

Hold up, son. You sound like you're stalking her. Messaging her a hundred times? Who told you women forget? Women don't forget any more or less than men. You need to go NC immediately before she calls the cops or gets a restraining order.

 

Seriously, you're way past the point of ever possibly getting her back. You're a complete freak to her now and if you persist in doing what you are doing, you're going to get into some dangerous territory. You've already walked into the beginning of a mind field. Just slowly back up and go back to NCville.

 

LMAO!! :lmao: Denver, thank you for making me laugh this morning.

 

But seriously though, go NC. You do sound like you're stalking and that is never a good thing. Trust me she does not forget you.

Edited by starryeyed12
added some advice
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Here's my story,

 

We were in a relationship for 4.5 years, we loved each other a lot and we both were very possessive for each other.It was fixed that we would marry each other, and my family members knew it, but no one knew from her side..She was like that if someone knew then there would be problem for us and we wont get marry...And here my parents were after me for marraige or atleast talk to her parents and fix our relation if she definitely want to,but she was against k not now,will tell later. I fought against my parents for her as they were thinking wrong about her that she's not telling home because she don't want to do.

 

This year she changed her college, new friends came in, She went for the trip, and she lied many things to me which i knew it after seeing the pics through her other friend in fb,there was nothing such wrong, but dont know why she lied me.Then we fought many times..Again everything was ok..But her interest was getting lower in me..I was so confident for her that whatever happens she might not change and may never leave me..But 1 day she told her mom about us and told she dont want this and we cant marry each other,I told her we will talk with her mom,but she dont want that..Later after some days I went her college to she whether she dont want the relation or her mom, but that day was really shocked me,She would cut my call and tell me she's in lecture and all,I was waiting outside her college for 2 hours and I dint let her know,But after sometime I saw her coming from somewhere else.I approached her and she was shocked to see me.She dont want to talk 2 me,I requested her to please talk and tell the reason why she dont want to talk,She called her mom instantly and told that I've come near her college and harrassing her,I was so shocked.Then I knew that It was she who don't want to keep the relation and she used her mom just to throw away me out of the relation...

 

I had very tough time,I was against my parents just for her and she did this to me..I pleaded several times to please come back. After some days she stopped picking my call or even reply to my messages..From that day onward I went on NC...But I still think of her everyday and really cant imagine my life without her.My parents are after me to see other girls and get marry and I cant say anything against because once they advised me and I went against them..I just thought that someday she would call me,message me..But that never happened..

 

 

Should I contact her..One is telling me to contact me other is telling not..Actually I feel like just calling her once,But have the fear that she would completely ignore me..

 

I miss her a lot..There's not a single day I don't cry for her..

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DustySaltus

Actually During break up I called her and messaged her hundred times but she completely ignored me.

 

This just stuck right out for me. You have to go NC to begin the healing process for yourself.

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Called her hundred of times not in a single day..I was telling in general that in that few days I called and messaged her many times just to talk and plead her to come back..

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This is extremely obsessive, excessive ..... and frankly?

Creepy. :sick:

 

This one is completely nailed shut, on the freight-boat and has left the dock.

 

It's OVER.

Gone.

Finished.

Kaput.

Done.

No more.

Dead.

In the Past.

History.

 

Get it?

 

Stay No Contact, and never, ever even think of contacting her, ever again.

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I don't have reasons to live anymore..All I thought these many years was marrying her,having our children,nice home..But now, I can't live for any other thing..And I can't see her with anyone else..She was my only life and I treated above over everything else, I even cancelled my further education abroad even after getting admission just because she wanted to..I gave up..

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Oh don't be silly.

 

How long were you alive, and fully-functioning BEFORE you met her?

You managed it then, didn't you?

You lived life, enjoyed yourself, let your hair down, and had fun then, didn't you?

 

Then trust me, you're more than capable of doing it again.

 

Breaking up with someone doesn't mean - EVER - that your life loses significance, meaning or reason.

if you have interpreted it in that way, then - sorry - but you're obsessive and dependent.

It's ridiculous to say that your life has no meaning, or is futile now it has ended.

It worries people on here, when people like you make comments like that.

We worry frantically that you're going to do something really stupid.....

 

You're not..... right? :confused:

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Sanj, she is NOT the only woman you will ever love, want to marry or have kids with. You are idealizing her .... that's how we think when we're obsessed. She is not the perfect woman or the only woman for you. Now it's clear that the biggest part of your problem is that you think she is the ONLY one and you put your life on hold for her. Big mistakes! You changed your education for her?? WTF were you thinking. No woman wants to be with a guy as needy, dependent and seemingly weak like you.

 

You have it all wrong, you might have met the NEXT girl of your dreams had you continued with your life. Anyway, if you haven't already (and I have done this) go get some counseling and if you're not on it already, go to your Dr. and get some meds to help with your OCD over this girl and to calm your mind. Drastic steps, but it does help and you WILL get better.

 

Remember "One day you will meet the RIGHT woman and you will wonder why you WASTED so much time and emotion on the WRONG woman".

Edited by Don Ho
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For starters, don't listen to anyone who seems to know what all women think. We're not stupid creatures who forget about things if we don't get constant reminders, nor are we chicken-sh*t about going after what we want, IF we want it.

 

If she's not contacting you, she doesn't want to be with you. Please, just let it go.

 

My ex-boyfriend of six years broke up with me less than three months ago. I thought I was suicidal for a while. I couldn't function. I couldn't eat, go to work, etc. I thought I had nothing worth living for anymore. I thought I could never be happy anymore.

 

And then I knocked that MF-er off his pedestal, where he should have never been in the first place, replaced him with ME as the center of my universe, got back into martial arts, started hanging out with friends again, started working on personal goals, and now I hardly even think of my ex, or when I do, it's with hardly any pain whatsoever.

 

She is NOT your life. You WILL find love again, and you WILL wonder why you ever got this upset in the first place.

 

But you can't just sit around and let time do all the work. You have to put some effort into it as well! You have to figure out what you want from your own life, what your dream are, and then go after them.

 

You have to learn to laugh and smile again.

 

It's not easy, and it takes a lot of work and a lot of enduring the pain, but you can get past this. But not if you sit around thinking that you'll only be happy if you can get her back.

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Thanks all for your valuable suggestion..But I am not a weak and dependent guy,I just did all this for her because I love her to the extreme..She was my first love and I was fully honest to her..I did all the things that she wanted just because she is my life..And she did not want me to go for further education just because she cant live without me and same was my feeling so I cancelled..

 

I just hope i may get her back..I will not contact her..But I just pray that She may realize it some day and call me back..

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You're new to this, aren't you?

 

The guy clearly isn't over her.

Breaking NC is just picking the stitches tearing at the scab, and opening the wound again, if a person isn't over their ex-.

The only time it's safe to contact an ex- is if you feel completely indifferent to them.

The whole point of No Contact is to stop thinking about the ex-, find new interests and do new things.

keeping in touch for absolutely no sound, valid reason whatsoever, other than to keep a link with the ex- is fruitless, heartbreaking and pointless.

The only motive the OP has to keep in touch, is to satisfy the urge to contact her YET AGAIN for the pure and simple reason that he wants to.

 

he shouldn't contact her at all, under any circumstances, and for absolutely any reason other than to tell her that her house is on fire.

 

And if by any chance she gets in touch with him, the only thing he should respond to is, "I made the biggest mistake of my life and I want you back, will you ever forgive me?"

 

Otherwise - in either case - breaking NC is just crapping diarrhoea upwind.

 

Whether I'm new to LS or not, it doesn't matter. Everyone has their own opinion about No Contact. Mine is obviously different then yours. Don't worry about what my opinion is. Worry about how you are going to respond to the OP. If you want your ex back, to say breaking NC "is just crapping diarrhea upwind" is the biggest bunch of bs. If I would have followed your advice, I would have never got my ex girlfriend back. If you want your ex back, you have to break NC at some point. Sitting around doing nothing isn't going to get you anywhere. Telling someone to never contact their ex isn't right. You have to break the ice at some point. You can't expect someone to just magically come back to you. People are stubborn. I'm speaking through experience and from how other people I know rekindled their relationship. The OP want's his ex back, not to just keep in touch to satisfy his urge.

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Thanks all for your valuable suggestion..But I am not a weak and dependent guy,I just did all this for her because I love her to the extreme..She was my first love and I was fully honest to her..I did all the things that she wanted just because she is my life..And she did not want me to go for further education just because she cant live without me and same was my feeling so I cancelled..

 

I just hope i may get her back..I will not contact her..But I just pray that She may realize it some day and call me back..

 

You contradicted yourself there.

 

She's your life? Are you listening to yourself? No other person in this world, except possibly your kids when they're young, should be your life.

 

I think you're feeling the impact more because she was, in your own words, your first love. You don't understand that your feelings are normal and WILL fade in time if you take proactive measures to get better.

 

If your ex had done ANYTHING since she broke up with you to indicate that she missed you or wanted you back, I'd say go ahead and contact her. But as I mentioned earlier, women aren't stupid, forgetful, weak creatures who easily forget about people and don't go after what we want.

 

I've always gone after what I wanted. I've never forgotten about anyone I've broken up with. But that doesn't mean I wanted them back, either.

 

Stop pinning your hopes on this one person and start focusing on yourself. Easier said than done, I know, but it's the only way you're going to get better.

 

"They" say it takes anywhere from 1/3 of the time to 1/2 the time you were together to get over someone. I say that's BS if you are willing to fight to get yourself back. I'm not yet at three months out of a six-year relationship, and I'd say I'm somewhere in the 90% range of being over my ex, and I loved him more than I could tell you.

 

But at some point I realized he didn't want to be with me, and I said the hell with him, because I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me. And I MOVED ON.

 

ETA: The ex I'm referring to broke up with me SIX TIMES. I got him back FIVE times. The last time I said no more. I am an EXPERT at getting a second, third, fourth, fifth chance. What I didn't learn until this last time is that I should never have bothered. He broke up with me. HIS loss, not mine.

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DustySaltus
If I would have followed your advice, I would have never got my ex girlfriend back. If you want your ex back, you have to break NC at some point. Sitting around doing nothing isn't going to get you anywhere. Telling someone to never contact their ex isn't right. You have to break the ice at some point. You can't expect someone to just magically come back to you. People are stubborn. I'm speaking through experience and from how other people I know rekindled their relationship. The OP want's his ex back, not to just keep in touch to satisfy his urge.

 

You can break the ice all you want but if BOTH people are not willing to fix the problems that led to the breakup in the first place, it's a waste of time. When the OP's GF broke up with him she was telling him that she didn't want to put in the effort. It's up to HER to convince HIM that she's willing to do so. When you contacted your ex, you gave the power back to her.

Edited by DustySaltus
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Thanks all for your valuable suggestion..But I am not a weak and dependent guy,I just did all this for her because I love her to the extreme..She was my first love and I was fully honest to her..I did all the things that she wanted just because she is my life..And she did not want me to go for further education just because she cant live without me and same was my feeling so I cancelled..

 

I just hope i may get her back..I will not contact her..But I just pray that She may realize it some day and call me back..

 

Sorry you are going through this. It's always very tough when it's your first love. This isn't the end of the world, although it feels like it now. You need to worry about yourself, not worry that your parents want you to get married. I'm assuming you are younger. There is no rush to get married and settle down. You should focus on your education. Go abroad like your original plans called for. From my original post, I said to give her a call. That was just in general. Knowing your situation now and your mindset, don't contact her, especially if you aren't prepared if she ignores you. As hard as it is, you need to keep yourself busy and not think about her. Live your life. You never know what the future may hold, but at the same time, don't keep any hope. It will just make things worse. I wish you the best of luck.

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You can break the ice all you want but if BOTH people are not willing to fix the problems that led to the breakup in the first place, it's a waste of time. When the OP's GF broke up with him she was telling him that she didn't want to put in the effort. It's up to HER to convince HIM that she's willing to do so. When you contacted your ex, you gave the power back to her.

 

My response was just in general since the OP didn't have much detail over the break up. My situation was completely different. Power this, power that, who cares. I was able to get her back so that's all that matters to me. If you love and care about someone, I just feel you need to make some sort of effort if you really want them back. Of course though, that all depends on the situation if you even have a chance.

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boltsfan17, I just saw the thread you posted, and basically, you admitted that you were pestering... last report in that thread was that you turned up on her doorstep with flowers...and basically, she refused to even come to the door.

 

So what changed since then?

Because I'm sure you would be the first to admit - that pestering someone doesn't go down well. Your GF told you this.

 

Pestering an ex- usually serves to drive them further off.

NC is implemented to heal, move on and begin life again.

 

So really, unless you can confide what exactly you believe turned your GF's mind around....

 

Well, I'm confused?

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