swenson43 Posted August 1, 2003 Share Posted August 1, 2003 I am going to try and make this long story into one that is not boring for everyone. If anyone who reads this has any advice for me, or has dealt with this before please let me know. Here goes the story. I met my girlfriend about 4 months ago, and we have been very serious for over 3 months. During that time when we were very serious, we had talked about getting married, having kids, and everything else a very serious couple talks about. About a week ago she said that she needed a break, and she didn't want to see me for about two weeks. On that same day she said that she didn't want to get back together with me unless it was going to be worth it. What she meant by that was she wants me to talk to her parents and see what they think of me. She wants to be engaged to me, but she needs her parents to tell her they aprove. I personally think that she wants to be serious with me again, but she is scared to committ. Last week when she told her mom she needed to take a break with me her mom asked her if she wasn't sure as to whether I was the guy she wanted to marry. She knows her mom likes me, and so does the rest of her family. My girlfriend and I have had a wonderful time over the last three months. She told me recently that she wants to have kids really bad, and so do I. One thing she also said is that if she is not with me, she would not be with any guy. She said I am the perfect boyfriend, and she would rather be a single divorce laywer for the rest of her life if she wasn't with me. I'll try to get back on track with the story; about a week ago when she said we needed this break, she said starting on Monday we will be on break until around the 15th of August. She stayed with me on Sunday, and on Monday morning she was really affectionate towards me which was great. But then she said "oh I forgot". I was like, "what did you forget"? She said, "I can't act like that cause we are on a break". I don't know, but this seems really dumb. After a few days went by, I talked to her, and told her how much I love her. I also said that I want thing to go to the next level if she is willing to give it a chance. I told her that I will take it at her pace if she wants to take it slow. So she decided that her and I are going to see eachother. She also said that the whole break thing was a really dumb idea. After an hour of questions I found out that she was feeling so guilty with hanging out with other guys as friends that she had to convince herself that there is no serious ties between us, or she felt she would hurt my feelings. I told her from day one, that she can have guy friends, and it isn't a big deal. Her and I now act no differently than we did when we were considered a serious couple. I know she loves me like a serious boyfriend, but there is something going on. She told me that her last boyfriend was very mean to her, and would hit her. He also wouldn't let her be around any guys period. I think that she is scared of being considered serious and having me get mad at her for hanging out with some guy as friends. I understand a little where she is coming from, but she knows me, and I am not like that. Another confusing thins is that if her mom doesn't approve of a guy, she would not see him. She knows her whole family loves me, so I think she wants to be with me badly. I told her on the first day of our break that I love her feet, and I like to massage them all of the time. She said that she wants to take extra special care of her feet since I like them so much. Would she say that when we are on a break if she didn't plan on being with me when the break was over. She has also talked about the future with me, and has made many plans for the fall and next year with me. I hope there is enough written here for someone to give me some good advice as to what she might be thinking, or want, so please help if you can. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
vixen Posted August 1, 2003 Share Posted August 1, 2003 oh for crakin ice take it slow. 3 months is a drop in the bucket. If your both that nuts about each other go out and get her a promise ring. Say in one year if we are still crazy about each other, i promis to propose. This will give her peace of mind. Try to mingle too. Hang out with friends as a couple. Don't over do your time together. see each other every other day, or every 3 days. If you emerse in this you'll get sick of each other befor long. Relax, there's time. You have the rest of your lives to be together if you so chose to be. Ok? remind her of this. After the break. and a true break realy should be no contact. Vixen Link to post Share on other sites
Author swenson43 Posted August 1, 2003 Author Share Posted August 1, 2003 Thanks for the advice:) I have thought about the promise ring, and I think that that is a very good idea. I hope that she really as crazy about me as I am of her. Thanks again") Link to post Share on other sites
sunnie23 Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 every one has their issues. your gf is coming from an abusive relastionship, which has probably left her with scars that i can't even imagine. sounds like you became serious very quickly, and she needs a moment to come up for air and make sure that what she has is real, and not dangerous in any way. her defenses are probably a little bit high so as to protect herself from getting hurt again. perhaps she has a wall around her that you were beginning to penetrate and she became uncomfortable. either way, the best you can do is prove to her that you love her and care for her and that she can trust you. Link to post Share on other sites
smurfy73nik Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 That is very confusing. But, I will tell you something. I once dated a guy I liked very much. And, I took for granted he would always be there . . . . because he was just one of those guys. And, I did the same silly "crap" she is pulling on you. I told him we were "not officially together" (kind of like a break). But, we saw each other all the time. And, it was like we were in a committed relationship, but I never would own up to it. Well, it ended up "burning me" when he decided to go on a date with someone else. And, after that I made sure we were in a COMMITTED relationship. So, my advice to you is "Don't make yourself so easily available". Give her the chance to realize what she has been taking for granted. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swenson43 Posted August 20, 2003 Author Share Posted August 20, 2003 i have been with this girl for a little while. we were very serious, but now she wants to go slow, and see eachother. i want to tell her i am committed by giving her a ring, not an engagement ring, but one that shows her im serious. i know she is not ready to marry me now, but she does want to. is it a good idea when things are not serious to give a ring/promise ring? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 20, 2003 Share Posted August 20, 2003 If you've been seeing her six months or more, I see no problem in giving her a nice promise ring. But when you give it to her be sure to let her know the exact meaning behind it. Since she has recently told you she wants to slow things down, it may be a good idea to wait a month or two before you spring something on her like this. Giving her a ring of any kind now may be inconsistent with where her head is at this time. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 20, 2003 Share Posted August 20, 2003 i think promise rings are stupid (no offense) just save that money to buy her a nice engagement ring, when the time is right. just give her some flowers or something.........you dont really need to give her something to show you are committed...its all in the actions hun! good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author swenson43 Posted August 26, 2003 Author Share Posted August 26, 2003 This girl, who was my girlfriend, decided that we needed to slow down. She said she is not ready for us to be serious again. Some days she says she loves me, and others she ignores me and doesn't call. I had been saving up for this awesome ring, and I finally payed it off. It isn't a promise ring, but it is something she can look at, and see that I'm not playing with her when I say I really love her. She said she has alot of feelings for me she is not showing, so do I give her this ring, and tell her she needs to try and prove to me she is still interested in me. I plan on telling her I will give it time, only if she proves to me she does really care. The other issue is I called her yesterday, and she hasn't even returned my call. Im confused and need serious help with this one. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
luvmyboys Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 I wouldn't give her any kind of ring. She's obviously slowing things down; and by giving her a ring, it will just make this situation more one-sided on your part. Those are my thoughts, anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swenson43 Posted August 27, 2003 Author Share Posted August 27, 2003 This girl that I was serious with wants a break. We are on a break yet still dating exclusively. Somedays she says she loves me, and others she doesn't say anything. We almost got to the point of marriage, and then she backed off. This has been going on for over a month, and I don't know if I can handle the lack of affection , and occasional non returned phone calls. I know she loves me, but don't know if I should sit and wait. Should I give her more time and hope she decides to get serious, or give up. PLease help....... Link to post Share on other sites
turtle Posted August 27, 2003 Share Posted August 27, 2003 No - promise rings are childish. Link to post Share on other sites
i love ska Posted August 27, 2003 Share Posted August 27, 2003 i absolutely don't think they're childish at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swenson43 Posted August 27, 2003 Author Share Posted August 27, 2003 I have posted many threads about this girl I'm with. We were so serious and are perfect for eachother. She recently decided that her and I are just seeing eachother. I know that this is the girl I want to marry, and she has told me this in the past. I have a ring I want to give to her, and I'm not sure if I should. She tells me that I need to be patient, but it has been 1 month, and I still don't know if she wants to be with me. We still see eachother, but I can't tell if she still loves me. Do I tell her we need to talk, and say how much I want to be with her? And also ask her to tell me where I stand with her? I think she owes me at least the honest truth about where I stand. I can't continue with this level of stress not knowing. I also know that if she breaks this off, I don't think I will be able to love anyone else. The love I have for her is the most amazing bond I have ever felt. PLease Help me with some advise. Link to post Share on other sites
mewbomb Posted August 27, 2003 Share Posted August 27, 2003 well... after reading your posts, im thinking she might need some time to figure out what she really wants!! Now, your job is to be as cool and calm as you possibly can. This means... don't call all the time, don't ask a million questions.. you know, act like you don't really care that much! it works... You can't force anyone to be with you, thats for sure.. so, sit back.. find a hobby and enjoy life, cause you only live once!! Let her be and she shall return!!! Good Luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author swenson43 Posted August 27, 2003 Author Share Posted August 27, 2003 I agree she needs some time, but I think I need to know wether she is still interested in me, and truly loves me like she says she does. She can't expect me to wait for her, and then 2 months later she says she likes someone else. On top of that, I have been putting off giving her this ring that I want to give her. Im so confused..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author swenson43 Posted August 27, 2003 Author Share Posted August 27, 2003 I was in a serious relationship with this girl for about 4 months. She out of the blue said she wanted to take a break. Then she said the reason she wanted the break was because she needed some space. She also said she wanted to know if it was worth getting back together with me. She wanted to know if her parents approved of me marrying her, and that we would go to the next level in our relationship. After the break started, we decided to see eachother, and she tells me that she loves me still. Lately she has told me not to be to pushy on the relationship questions, but she tells me to wait, and I think I at least deserve to know if she is keeping me for a safety net, or if I'm the guy she does want to be with when she figures out her life. I am going to talk to her tonight, and give her a choice of proving to me as much as she can that she really has feelings for me. I love her more than anything in the world, and want to marry her. I don't know why she broke up such a good thing we had. She is on medicine for depression, among an other thing, so I don't know what to do. I have a ring I bought her, that I really want to give her, but I don't know if that will scare her away. PLease give me some help....I have never been this upset and clueless in my entire life.... Link to post Share on other sites
Kathy1296 Posted August 28, 2003 Share Posted August 28, 2003 In my opinion, four months is a really short time to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. Relationships always go better at first when they are in the new stage and everyone is on the best behavior. As time goes on you see more and more of what a person is really like. If she is the right person, you will have plenty of time later toget married. If she is not and you push or rush into marriage, you end up divorced or miserable. I would not do the ring thing at this point. Way too soon. Rereading your post I am confused as to if you are still dating or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swenson43 Posted August 28, 2003 Author Share Posted August 28, 2003 So far I haven't had a chance to talk to her about us. We are still dating, and she still tells me she loves me somedays. I called her last night, and we decided to hang out tonight to talk about us. I know she will tell me she loves me again, but I just can't go on without knowing she does want to be with me. I plan on telling her to prove she wants me in her life. Regardless I will always try to be her friend, but I don't want to go there yet since I plan on staying with her. I did line up a hot air balloon ride for her that I think she will really like, and that is in about three weeks. Hopefully she likes it. If you need more background between us let me know and I will be glad to write more. Thanks again for the response. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted August 28, 2003 Moderators Share Posted August 28, 2003 Am I glad this thread is NOT about what the title suggests. Just been so much sex talk here lately and all...!!! LOL Curt Link to post Share on other sites
Author swenson43 Posted August 29, 2003 Author Share Posted August 29, 2003 Is there anyone else out there who can give me their honest opinion on this? I would really appreciate it. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetheart71 Posted August 29, 2003 Share Posted August 29, 2003 OK....sounds like your girly there likes to play games! First of all, if she really loves you then she would know and would not need a break. Even though absence makes the heart grow stronger, she couldn't even use that as an excuse if you 2 are still acting the same as before this so called "break". It all seems kinda shady to me. She is insecure about hanging out with guy friends even though you told her it was OK? Sounds to me like she may be feeling like doing something a little more than just hanging out with these guys. Sit her butt down and tell her that you're not gonna deal with these games and both of you are adults. I have seen too many of my friends go through the same situation and if it's the same, there will be more "breaks". As far as the abusive relationship in the past, we've all been in some sort of relationship like that (physical or mental). She needs to either move on or seek help. She'll never have a good healthy relationship if she keeps bringing the past into her current relationships. This is only my opinion and you'll do what is right for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swenson43 Posted August 29, 2003 Author Share Posted August 29, 2003 I'm sure many have read the posts I have put up about my girlfriend. If not here is a short synopsis. We dated for about 3-4 months and it got very serious. We both have talked about getting married, and having kids. She decided to take a break from us, and she calls it free spirits(whatever the fu$% that means). Since then we have been dating and still kind of serious. We both agreed that we wanted to see just eachother, and no one else. She said that she wants to know if her parents approve of me, to see if it is worth getting back with me in a serious relationship that will go to the next level. I'm very confused as to what she wants bewteen us, or where I stand. I am planning on talking to her tonight, and if she says she does want to be with my should I ask her parents if they would approve of me marrying their daughter. She really wants to know, and I don't know how to ask since I am not asking to marry her yet. PLease offer some advise to help me. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted August 29, 2003 Share Posted August 29, 2003 Before you talk to her parents about anything, you need to know exactly where you stand with her! This does not sound like a very serious relationship at all - your emotions may tell you that you are serious or in love, but it sure doesn't sound like either of you have a real grasp of consititutes a long-lasting, healthy relationship. You and she need to COMMUNICATE. I think you need to back up nine yards and punt. Link to post Share on other sites
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