exs gone wild

[cleveraccountname]

Okay, so I am looking for some opinions. Anyone had experiences with ex-partners who unexpectedly went off the rails post-breakup? I am attracted to deep and wholesome women, and that's what attracted me to my ex. A few weeks ago I found out she cheated on me and she just packed up and left, we were together for 3 years. Now her lifestyle consists of random hookups, party drugs, binge drinking, and most bizarrely - posting s*l*u*t*t*y pictures on facebook, and I don't mean suggestive facial expressions, I'm talking up-skirt shots of her skimpy underwear. She's shown signs of this behaviour prior to the break up, mostly through stuff she says, but over the last few weeks she has seemingly gone crazy. Everyone is dumfounded! She has a lot of my friends on her facebook, so inevitably someone will always tell me about it, although I'm telling people not to do that anymore as it only makes me feel worse. Her messages sent to me are somewhat friendly, almost as though she is oblivious to what she is doing. She is completely humiliating herself. I know what you're thinking, it's not my problem anymore. But I'm so utterly confused! Surely it's a self-esteem issue (at least partially), but it's like she's exploded all at once and I just can't believe it! Anyone experienced anything similar? She is early 20's.

[Username37]

Okay, so I am looking for some opinions. Anyone had experiences with ex-partners who unexpectedly went off the rails post-breakup? I am attracted to deep and wholesome women, and that's what attracted me to my ex. A few weeks ago I found out she cheated on me and she just packed up and left, we were together for 3 years. Now her lifestyle consists of random hookups, party drugs, binge drinking, and most bizarrely - posting s*l*u*t*t*y pictures on facebook, and I don't mean suggestive facial expressions, I'm talking up-skirt shots of her skimpy underwear. She's shown signs of this behaviour prior to the break up, mostly through stuff she says, but over the last few weeks she has seemingly gone crazy. Everyone is dumfounded! She has a lot of my friends on her facebook, so inevitably someone will always tell me about it, although I'm telling people not to do that anymore as it only makes me feel worse. Her messages sent to me are somewhat friendly, almost as though she is oblivious to what she is doing. She is completely humiliating herself. I know what you're thinking, it's not my problem anymore. But I'm so utterly confused! Surely it's a self-esteem issue (at least partially), but it's like she's exploded all at once and I just can't believe it! Anyone experienced anything similar? She is early 20's.

 

Hey dude. I feel ya. My ex went ape **** after she dumped me. Hooked up with some dude 3 weeks after, trying alcohol and drugs. All of that stuff. I think she's doing that to be accepted ya know? Made me feel like I was holding her down. And my ex has been posting some pictures on FB that are questionable, but not slutty haha. She restricted profile me, which is dumb because we have so many mutual friends plus she has my family, so whatever she's hiding, it's eventually going to me. When I first met my ex, she was someone else. She wasn't like the trash that went to our school. She loved everything I loved which made me fall for her right away haha. Now, I don't even know her anymore.

 

My ex girlfriend has a damaged self esteem. She has a lot of family problems, she gets easily stressed, and she has or had a weight problem. I think this explains her behavior. I guess more guys eyed her now since she lost so much weight, but I loved her NO MATTER what she looked like (when I met her, she was on the big side). She forgot that and just threw me away.

 

So yeah, I experienced something similar.

[GrayClouds]

She is early 20's.

 

Sadly enough said...

 

 

 

 

 

 

but if I was to say more, sorry for your loss, go completeNC (this means block her on faceboob), and focus on healing.

 

 

.

[bananaboat11]

Totally with you guys. My ex of 8 months ago... the moment she dumped me went crazy.... or so her roommate told me. Partying non-stop. Blowing lines of coke. Hooking up with different guys... it was bad. I have yet to ever see or speak with her again. And I hope it stays that way. Forever.

[TheLoneSock]

She is early 20's.

 

You answered your own question right at the end here.

 

Oh girls just wanna have fun.

[You'reasian]

But I'm so utterly confused! Surely it's a self-esteem issue (at least partially), but it's like she's exploded all at once and I just can't believe it! Anyone experienced anything similar? She is early 20's.

 

Younger women are less stable in relationships. Not true with all of them, but this is the trend. I'd just chalk it up to feeling trapped and once she got out, she went wild.

 

Enjoy being single.

[spyyder]

She is early 20's.

Like many have said, that was your problem.

 

There are many reasons why she is acting the way she is, here are a few.

 

1. She was faithful during the bulk of the relationship which means she controlled her urges (girls her/our age have huge urges!) until she couldn't take it anymore. After being with just you for so long, she then became slutty to let it all out, and because she could without betraying anyone.

 

2. Although I don't think this may apply to her, but many women hook up with many guys after a breakup to make their exs jealous. Unfortunately they don't realize that doing this actual kills their chances of getting back together even after many years.

 

3. The guys she's been with are rebounds, she's trying to get over you.

 

4. She doesn't want a relationship right now, and doesn't care if what she's doing will haunt her later on in life (just like porn stars). She doesn't think about the future anymore and only thinks day by day.

 

5. She wants to convince herself that you were tying her down. But because it probably isn't true in her social life or professional life, she then focuses it on her sexual life. You were only tying her down from sleeping with other guys...so thats what she's doing!

 

Did you say what what she's doing makes you feel like you were tying her down?!?!?! WTF. If anything, you were preventing her from becoming a total $lut, obviously something her parents weren't able to do.

 

I'm like you in the sense that we both saw our exs as wonderful girls when we were together, probably because they never show their bad side until its over. Its after the breakup that we see their true colors!

[ResetReality]

 

Its after the breakup that we see their true colors!

 

so true, hit the nail on the head

[Phscn]

That's one thing I cant understand about girls my age (I'm 20 years old) . I have been dumped before and I have never done any of those things , never went out drinking and got trashed never took drugs and NEVER had a one night stand or a random hook up right after a break, what Spyyder said really hit the mark on both woman and men.

 

After my ex boyfriend dumped me he got the same way started partying like crazy would drink way more than he used to and even started taking drugs as for the one night stands he tried to get like 5 girls to sleep with him all of which turned him down lol.

 

Why do men really get like that too?

[Username37]

Like many have said, that was your problem.

 

There are many reasons why she is acting the way she is, here are a few.

 

1. She was faithful during the bulk of the relationship which means she controlled her urges (girls her/our age have huge urges!) until she couldn't take it anymore. After being with just you for so long, she then became slutty to let it all out, and because she could without betraying anyone.

 

2. Although I don't think this may apply to her, but many women hook up with many guys after a breakup to make their exs jealous. Unfortunately they don't realize that doing this actual kills their chances of getting back together even after many years.

 

3. The guys she's been with are rebounds, she's trying to get over you.

 

4. She doesn't want a relationship right now, and doesn't care if what she's doing will haunt her later on in life (just like porn stars). She doesn't think about the future anymore and only thinks day by day.

 

5. She wants to convince herself that you were tying her down. But because it probably isn't true in her social life or professional life, she then focuses it on her sexual life. You were only tying her down from sleeping with other guys...so thats what she's doing!

 

Did you say what what she's doing makes you feel like you were tying her down?!?!?! WTF. If anything, you were preventing her from becoming a total $lut, obviously something her parents weren't able to do.

 

I'm like you in the sense that we both saw our exs as wonderful girls when we were together, probably because they never show their bad side until its over. Its after the breakup that we see their true colors!

 

 

You hit the nail on the head.

 

And my ex is 17. So it's probably worse than someone in their early 20s right?

[Wings Of Love]

I know what you mean. My ex dumped me last year. I was the victim of course, but he went completely off the rails. Out drinking every night, started doing drugs, slept with multiple girls, started fights for no good reason and actually broke his hand due to one fight.

 

It's ridiculous, he has always been such a gentle person, very quiet and shy, hated anything to do with drugs and always believed sex to be something you do when you're truly in love. And his friends were an enormous part of his life, but he just dropped all of them completely. He eventually got into another long-term relationship, but the girl cheated and left and now he's in yet another relationship just a few weeks on.

 

Back in touch with me, says he can't understand why everyone thinks he's different. So do all dumpers do this?

[Phscn]

^^ Not really in all honesty it depends on the girl, people have different ways of dealing with a break some hook up some stay home and be depressed.

 

Not all teenage girls are the same, I was 17 before and I still never did those things. It's like men here I can tell you that all men are horn dogs and cheaters and all of them sleep around after a break up from what I have been through but I know that , that isn't at all true.

 

I think it has to do with how teenagers are today too , they are getting sluttier and sluttier younger these days......

Edited July 18, 2010 by Phscn

[spyyder]

I probably should have said that guys do that stuff too lol - I just said girls because the dumpee who started the thread was a guy dumped by a girl.

 

I honestly think its all down to immaturity. When your young, your usually immature, and when your immature you just don't realize things that well, and don't care about things either. When you go crazy (being slutty, drinking, partying, drugs, etc) after a breakup its a good sign that you've made a mistake and EVERYONE that goes crazy eventually realizes the mistake, but it happens years later and by that time its too late- that's at least what I've been told.

[spyyder]

I think it has to do with how teenagers are today too , they are getting sluttier and sluttier younger these days......

 

I'm 22 so that is something that worries me! One reason why I had/have such a hard time getting over my ex is I still think that I'll never get a girl that so traditional like her (i.e. believed in true love, getting married, kids, fidelity, etc) especially in this day and age! Even though she is very different now, she was the real deal when we were together. Everywhere I look people are being cheated on, are cheating, getting divorced like its the norm, couples with children from previous marriages, only a few can keep a marriage going etc.

 

I remember when I bought a bouquet of flowers, a heart-shaped chocolate box and a love card for my ex from the mall, a BUNCH of guys were calling me 'ass', 'queer', 'loser', etc because I was carrying it. They were literally making fun of me for trying to be romantic with my girl. I guess thats what romance is these days....something to be made fun of.

[GrayClouds]

Spyyder is right one thing, it is about immaturity, thougth is has nothing to do with age. Older people do it too. The whole sex, drugs and rock & roll thing after a break-up (either the dumper or the dumpy) is all about trying to stroke the EGO as a way to cover up bruised self-esteem.

 

Ego is all about instant gratification, self-esteem is willing to work at feeling good, delay gratification for future betterment. Nothing like an ending of a realtionship to doubt yourself. The weaker ones will ignore their mistakes, rush out and look for someone or something to erase that doubt. The healthier ones will face the doubt and work to prove to themselves to forfeit that doubt.

 

So the question is not why they do but which way do you choose to?

[Wings Of Love]

I'm 22 so that is something that worries me! One reason why I had/have such a hard time getting over my ex is I still think that I'll never get a girl that so traditional like her (i.e. believed in true love, getting married, kids, fidelity, etc) especially in this day and age! Even though she is very different now, she was the real deal when we were together. Everywhere I look people are being cheated on, are cheating, getting divorced like its the norm, couples with children from previous marriages, only a few can keep a marriage going etc.

 

I remember when I bought a bouquet of flowers, a heart-shaped chocolate box and a love card for my ex from the mall, a BUNCH of guys were calling me 'ass', 'queer', 'loser', etc because I was carrying it. They were literally making fun of me for trying to be romantic with my girl. I guess thats what romance is these days....something to be made fun of.

 

I see what you mean, I'm 20 and I'm still unsure I'll find a man who wants the things you listed there. My ex certainly seemed to, but now he says he's given up on the idea completely and he's just having fun.

 

The sad thing is, romance isn't appreciated as much anymore. At least it seems that way. The majority of people I speak to think romance is cliché and that no strings sex is the only way a person can be happy. I just don't see it that way though, especially not in the long term. Shouldn't sex be something special, saved for someone you love?

[pratik]

I see what you mean, I'm 20 and I'm still unsure I'll find a man who wants the things you listed there. My ex certainly seemed to, but now he says he's given up on the idea completely and he's just having fun.

 

The sad thing is, romance isn't appreciated as much anymore. At least it seems that way. The majority of people I speak to think romance is cliché and that no strings sex is the only way a person can be happy. I just don't see it that way though, especially not in the long term. Shouldn't sex be something special, saved for someone you love?

 

I agree ,my ex gf who is 17 did the same thing broke off with me started smoking, drinking, and i have heard she is doing drugs and later she told me 2 weeks later that she slept with some guy. And i tired telling her that its wrong and its not what she is she told me its her life and she is just having fun. Like Wings Of Love's ex bf she gave up on love. So basic rule:- People like this need help, and there is nothing you can do to help them you go telling them anything out of care you hear words like 'Chuck it mah life', 'Stop controlling me', 'Oh yea i want to have fun, so stop bothering me', 'Stop interfering in my life' etc etc.So its upto them to realise what they are doing. I went no contact and guess what i dont give a darn abot her:). She would get a hard wake up call some day and such people would repent later on.

[jond77]

Yeah well my ex has been getting wasted every weekend. Told me she got so drunk last Friday she doesn't remember what happened.

 

It worried me, I haven't lectured her but I care for her and I don't want her to get hurt. She is 24.

[cleveraccountname]

Wow, thanks for all the insight guys! I understand that it's not particularly uncommon for wild behaviour to occur post-breakup, stuff that you wouldn't do if you weren't under those circumstances. It just baffles me how much her values have changed. She used to be very feministic and often remarked about our culture being too saturated with sex, which is a great thing to recognise. Now she doesn't seem to care if she's seen as an object. I've heard she's really into TV shows which just last year - she was repulsed by because of the way the girls were treated. Now that I think about it - her behaviour during the last few weeks has very closely emulated the characters in the show! (only thing is - the characters are high school kids and she's nearly 22) I haven't been in contact at all, but from what I've heard from others - she seems very flippant and cocky and uncaring about pretty much everything. She's just become another one of those girls with no self-respect, no respect for others and no frim grounding, it's really quite sad. I don't want to care as much as I do because she has hurt me so much. I don't want to see her, especially the way she is, but it pains me to know that she is already consumed by this lifestyle, and she has very few positive influences which means she could stay like that forever - which is horrible. I'm sure the initial excitement wears off eventually, and through significant loss and dissatisfaction and hitting rock bottom - she'll realise the emptiness. I hope so anyway.

[spyyder]

Yeah thats pretty terrible. I too understand the hurt of seeing your ex acting like this. My ex was my precious baby who never did anything wrong, and was so perfect. Now she's the opposite and I feel so bad how she's changed so much for the worse. I miss what I had, and I feel sorry that what I had is gone forever.

 

Personally for me I couldn't go wild if I broke up. I have way too many friends that would lose respect for me if I became that way, I wouldn't get any more support from my family, no more financial support from my parents (that I currently need) AND my behaviour would probably find its way to my business.

 

I guess people that have nobody to look up to, or nobody to show them the right way, go wild, especially when they don't have much to lose.

[Woggle]

Most women have a point in their life where they get tired of being a good girl and want to be bad. They feel tied down and controlled in the loving and faithful partner role so they rebe. Take solace in the fact that by the time she reaches 30 she will probably used and haggard looking. I know women who acted like this when I was 21 and they look like who did it ran and these days.

[pratik]

@spyyder, @cleveraccountname,and @jond77 i know its hard. It nearly killed me to see her like that. But i tried telling her and i got humiliating responses so just go NC and trust me it works. And the main thing to do during NC is work on yourself otherwise its a waste. Hang out with your buds. Make sure you are always doing what you like. HIT THE GYM it helps. I love watching movies and you know what for the last 2 months i have been going for a movie every week. Share your thoughts with your close friends. It helps.

 

Trust me one day you will wake up and feel absolutely nothing for her. You will feel like your free and that women can never hurt you again. You are control of everything you do in life. You fell stronger. I feel it and you guys know something i dont even want to talk to her now. Never infact. There are loads of good and pretty girls out there who can make you feel way way better than she ever did. . So just hang in there fellows you all deserve better way better than those no self-respect bitches.

[dude101]

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Edited July 25, 2010 by dude101