lonelyroad31 Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 This has been happening for past three months. During the month of Feb, I found out that my GF of 2.5 years went out with a guy to get some stuff in Wal-Mart. It just so happened that my brother saw them pulling out of the drive way (she didn’t see my brother) and told me casually the next day. Now if she would have told me that she gave a ride to someone, then I would have no issues, but when I asked her how Wal-mart was, she bluntly lied on my face and said it was a lot of work as she had to shop alone. I was taken aback at her lie and confronted her saying that my bro saw her with some dude he hasn’t seen before. She was surprised and said she gave a ride to a guy whom she met at school and she didn’t tell me as I would over react. This was not true as I am pretty open when it comes to her friends and I never doubted her. I let it go and life went normally. Now this thing started happening frequently and I got news from many people who saw her with him (all this time, she is sleeping over at my place pretty much everyday). I confronted her again and she said the same (that I will over react). She also said that this person is 5 years younger to her and is just a friend and she can never be a cougar. Her lies caused a lot of friction between us. Naturally I was suspecting that whenever she is away from me, she is with him. If I would ask her where she had been at the end of the day, she would say that I was controlling her and I was not her dad. She again said not to suspect her as she comes home to sleep everyday. Now recently, she has been texting him/calling him every chance she gets and he does the same. She then told me that she needs some space as I was suffocating her. It so happened that she is not interested in that guy sexually, but they have formed an emotional bond, which she used to have with me. Now we always argue about him and she says the same (I’m not sleeping with him, he is just a friend). I am looking like the bad guy here as she keeps crying and telling me that I’m not giving her space. She does not realize that I was never this possessive until her lies started coming out. Now she says she needs a month’s time to decide if I am the one (we always planned to get engaged and married). She does not realize that because of her lies I have become distrusting. I really love her and when she is around I try not to fight and be nice to her and she thinks I’m faking it to bring her back to me completely and once she forgets about the other dude, I am gonna hurt her! I cant imagine my life without her and at this point, I am sharing her with another guy, who is fulfilling her emotional needs. Our r’ship is not the same anymore. Once I asked her to choose either me or him and she said its me for sure and if I want, she will talk less to him. The problem is that I work from 8-5 in a company and she goes to school full time and works in the same lab as that guy and they keep interacting and going out for coffee. So she is not exactly doing as she promised. Am I really that pathetic, am I getting a raw deal here? What should I do? Should I initiate a break up? If I do, in what grounds? I am positive there is nothing sexual between them, but they are emotionally attached a bf/gf would be. I am really lost and hurting real bad and need some help! Link to post Share on other sites
lonelygurl Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 No, you are not pathetic! It is really hard to decide what to do. It is understandable that you don't trust her with her lying. It doesn't really make sense why she is spending so much time with this guy and texting so much. Her saying she needs a break sounds like she wants to keep you on hold and give this guy a try. That is not good for you. Sadly, if you are not comfortable with her being with this guy and she is refusing to stop then you may have to break up. I know some people in relationships can handle their partner having opposite sex friends, but I know I can't do it. Some of my friends and family have been screwed over by one of them having an affair. I don't know if talking to her about it and how it makes you feel and if there is something she feels is lacking in your relationship. Do you feel you give her enough emotional support? I wish there was an easy solution for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 Be thankful she showed you her true colors before you married her. You are only pathetic if you don't drop her right now and move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
spriggig Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 I am looking like the bad guy here as she keeps crying and telling me that I’m not giving her space. Listen up. If you are not giving her the space she is asking for, you ARE the bad guy. Back off. You can't make her love you, but if you really love her, you'll back off and let her go. You can't make her love you. Link to post Share on other sites
StarrySkyBlue Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 If my SO were uncomfortable about me hanging out with someone so much, I wouldn't do it. She told you herself that she had this 'emotional bond' with this guy -- something you, as her bf, should have, which you don't, and that means your relationship isn't healthy at this point. I think the best thing to do is to let her go. she thinks I’m faking it to bring her back to me completely and once she forgets about the other dude, I am gonna hurt her! Especially this! She only cares about her having backups in case one of you doesn't work out. Does she care about how it makes you feel at all? No. Go NC and don't go back. She's just going to 'try it out' with the new guy and then come back to you if he proves not to be a good boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
monkeymaid Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 hay bud, i went through this exacat same thing. i broke up with her when she lied the second time. i found out that the day i broke up with her, she went on the first of many dates with that guy, then dated another guy whom she met and gave her number to while we were together, and is now his gf. i promise you that ou do not wnat this quality of trash in your life. get out now pleasefor your own sake. ...it is the hardest thing to do to walk away from your own love, but it is fear that keeps you in this relationship. leave now and manitain your self respect, your selfesteem (its gonna take a hit anyway) and the control of yourl life. if you wait till she leaves you to explore this new interest, it will rape you of your self respect and you will hate yourself for not having the balls to be the man and walk away. ...in fact i am convinced that this is the only way to make your relationship work if it is going to. ...if you want to know how and why read caliguys guide to no contact. ....then ask more questions if it still doesnt make sense. my story is in the breakup section. the thread name is "my thread about that damn girl" oh, and i broke up with her twice for the same thing over the course of 2 years so i know a little bit about what you are going through. ...i couldnt let go and now wish i had stayed away the first time. ...hindsihgt friend Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 Be thankful she showed you her true colors before you married her. You are only pathetic if you don't drop her right now and move on with your life. And THAT, my friend's is what respecting yourself and having a back bone is all about. When someone shows disrespect to you and breaks trust, it's time to walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
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