My ongoing dilemma

[XKatieX]

I told him last night that I was done, there was a lot of things that were said, not good things, and he also said he was done. Basically we've been together for 4 yrs in a LDR, we live an hour and a half apart but we don't get to see each other too often.

 

The issue that I have with him is that he lacks respect and appreciation for me, and he doesn't put any effort into the relationship. When we are together in person, of course its a hell of a lot better, but if things don't work when we're apart, its going to affect how are in person together.

 

He basically told me that he stopped trying when he found out I was high maintenance, yet hes known me for about 6 yrs, we've been together half that time, and I've pretty much always been high maintance(but not when it comes to relationships) His issue with me is that he thinks I expect too much, when really all I want is to be love and respected and I know that isn't asking too much. I asked him if it bothers him that I'm high maintance, why have you been with me all this time? He says he thought it was worth a shot but you can't "will" the impossible. He also told me in person to my face, that he thinks I deserve better. But he won't admit that when we're fighting. I know I deserve better, and if he knows it why can't HE be better? I know hes perfectly capable of being good for me, because he used to be everything to me, when he actually tried!

 

So what to do? I have no idea. I can't make him try, I can't make him respect me..these are things that should come naturally in a healthy relationship. I've tried talking to him, saying if he doesn't try things will just fall apart on their own..but he always puts the blame on me, and me talking to him never gets anywhere. So I guess being apart and thinking things over are the best for right now. What do you guys think?

Edited June 6, 2010 by XKatieX

[Els]

Katie, I'm so sorry to hear that.

 

Without specifics though, it's impossible to offer any advice. What do you want that he considers 'high maintenance', what does he do or not do that you consider 'not putting in effort'?

 

Also, are you posting to vent and get support through this difficult time, or are you looking for advice on whether or not to get back together?

 

Best of luck! {{{Katie}}}

[XKatieX]

Katie, I'm so sorry to hear that.

 

Without specifics though, it's impossible to offer any advice. What do you want that he considers 'high maintenance', what does he do or not do that you consider 'not putting in effort'?

 

Also, are you posting to vent and get support through this difficult time, or are you looking for advice on whether or not to get back together?

 

Best of luck! {{{Katie}}}

 

I guess the part of me he considers high maintenance is that he thinks I expect a lot, I am high maintenance, but not in relationships. All I want though is for him to try harder, and to respect me..he used to.

 

Some of them are little things I guess, like him not saying hi when I'm online, he also doesn't start a convo with me unless I say something to him. He doesn't seem to include me in his life very much, or communicate with me like he used to.

 

But then there are other things, he doesn't respect me in the way that he doesn't care about my feelings whenever I bring them up he considers it me "bitching", he calls me names, says im not worth it, im simpleminded, basically everything negative thing you can think of. Knowing all this just drags down my self-esteem and would be more than enough reason that I feel unimportant to him.

 

And thanks for the reply I appreciate it.