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Is this relationship truly over? Should I stop hoping for him?


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ColleenBug

My boyfriend of 1 year 3 months dumped me about 2 weeks ago through an email. We both graduated from the same college about 3 weeks ago and went back to our hometowns, so hes 3 hours away from me now. I'll be 40 minutes away from him starting in September when I relocate for graduate school. We discussed being together through all that. In fact the day before we graduated we discussed it.

 

We had a (long distance) fight 2 days after we graduated and he broke up with me through the email. I guess his life transition brought out his true feelings and he thinks I am not worth it since I am no longer convenient. He is pretty stressed out about finding a job and the day we fought and then eventually broke up, he said he didnt want me to come visit him until he had money since he literally has no money.

 

I was very very upset and bugged him too much with calls/emails the day he broke up with me and the day after. This made him pissed off/angry, he prob thought I was a harasser, and we ended up exchanging heated emails filled with insults. I guess I should mention he has a big ego and a short temper to begin with and he knows it as well. (He did it several times in our relationship where he said things angrily during a fight and said "it's over" but agreed to call in a week... then when we got back together said he didn't mean the stuff he said during the fight. However this time he said a break "of a lifetime" so I am thinking it is over for good). You might be wondering why I still want to repair the relationship. Yes, he has issues but when he wasnt doing this he made me so freaking happy. I have dated a lot of guys and none have done it for me like he has.

 

2 days after he dumped me I sent him a nice email apologizing for the things I said and such. I was missing him so bad that day I could not stop crying (the first 5 days after we broke up I slept and ate very little I was a wreck)

I did something stupidly impulsive and logged into his email an hour later. I was able to do this because once he logged into his email on my comp and my comp saved the password. He doesn’t know this happened and this was the first time I ever snooped. All I did was read his response to my email. It said some nice things about me such as that I am a great girl with a good sense of humor with a good heart and to stay strong. But he also said we are done and hes sorry we didnt work out and that he never loved me and should have dumped me sooner. He also said "**** you for doing *this* to me" (something from the fight) He says **** all the time when hes pissed. He did not however send this email, it was saved as a draft. I thought he was getting ready to send it so (I being a total pathetic loser) logged back into my email and wrote another email to him saying nothing but nice things again that I truly meant, I didnt want my last words to him to be hateful. He never replied or sent the draft though. Why? He could have simply just forgot to send it and didn't notice. He was kind of scatterbrained when it came to email during our relationship. However, I feel like he would have seen he didnt send it. I am wondering if by not sending it I still have a chance and he was just venting....and we could get back together later down the road. Or he decided since I was being nice to not send it because it would really upset me, but he really meant the stuff he said.

 

This whole thing "reading his draft email" was 2 days after he dumped me. I have decided to do No Contact and try to move on. I should not have bugged him after he dumped me or snooped, I made things a million times worse, and have done neither since. I have been strong and its been 2 weeks so far since I sent those emails. It's also hard because we're long distance now so it must be very easy to detach himself from me.

 

He has absolutely no friends at home, except an ex he occasionally talks to. He probably has hung out with her, but I know she isnt interested in him like that anymore. So I feel the chances of him getting another girl soon are kinda slim. I wonder if he misses me at all. I know he probably focuses on all the bad things about me when I cross his mind. He prob isnt even wondering why I am not talking to him anymore (me and him have never gone more than 3 days without talking) but is probably just relieved to get me out of his life.

I actually have a date tomorrow. I figured why not since we are officially over. But I feel bad about it.

Edited by ColleenBug
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