Love_hurt Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 I actually am not sure what thread to post this in but here I go. There is this guy that I have been off and on with since Dec, officially a couple since end of April... I have known the guy for 12 years though. Something this last weekend clicked in him and he broke up with me (before that weekend, everything was perfect), but then did and then was not sure. This it goes to that he needs a few days to get his thoughts in order. I asked if it was about the relationship and he said no, that he needs to get life in order so he can focus on a relationship. Throughout our conversations Sat to Tues... he gave me many mixed signals on if he wants a relationship with me or not. We agreed to cool the communication for a few days. I contacted him this morning by email to just bluntly as him if he wants a relationship with me or not. I know he has read it, I have not heard a response. It is frustrating, because as of Tuesday we were together but not talking for a few days (whatever that means). When I questioned him I just want to know what he wants from me... He is ignoring my texting and emails.. i just dont know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 Send one more text or email telling him you don't want to deal with him anymore, then go NC. This man is clearly hiding something from you. It is most likely someone else. He may be courting another woman he prefers for whatever reason, but wants to keep you as a back up in case his first choice doesn't work out. Or he may be feeling you out for some kind of FWB nonsense. Whatever the problem is, his evasive behavior isn't just wish-washy, it is dishonest and disrespectful. Link to post Share on other sites
Snugglepuss Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 I agree with ADF. My ex also gave me the whole "I need to work on myself before I can focus on a relationship" bit. The only thing he was working on was someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 When I questioned him I just want to know what he wants from me Even if he is NOT seeing anyone else, the much more important question is: What do YOU want from him? If he's not delivering, then break up with him once and for all, and do it because YOU deserve to be in relationship with someone who can and will be a positive, supportive, encouraging force in your life; and who has the relationship and communication skills and strengths to offer you that consistently; and who has the life coping skills to deal with his own stuff more effectively than this guy is doing. What do YOU want for your relationships, and do you have a hope in Hades of this guy having the maturity and skills to give it to you? His desire and willingness are secondary to his ability because if he lacks the ability, he just won't be able to give it to you...no matter how much he may want to. I'd encourage you to look at your evidence objectively and then make wise decisions for your Self...based on your own wants and needs, and on your own intellectual assessments. Hugs, and best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Love_hurt Posted May 23, 2010 Author Share Posted May 23, 2010 Do I think there is someone else? Not at all.. mostly because he never had time, he does not use the computer, works with all guys, and we were always together. There is a slight possibility of his ex coming in the picture, but I do not feel that is the deal. That has definitely ended. What do I want from him? To tell me what he wants. Truthfully, I do not mind waiting while he gets his job situation in order and that stuff. I just like to know if I am waiting for something. He gives me everything what I want in a relationship, (minus this whole ordeal). I think since we were moving very fast and him not being out of a long term relationship for that long. I do have to consider those. I am not stupid, I am very analytical as well as a social science major.. and have looked at this situation from all possible angles. My gut and heart say there is something there, and I know he feels it also. We would not made it through all of the other stuff that we have gone through. I am just annoyed that he is not giving me a answer. I waited until day three of no talking to send him a email and some texts asking him to meet me to talk. (that was friday). I am trying to not assume and use my brain in this. I mean I am prepared for the worse, I just like to know what is going on. Good or Bad. If he wants to be with me, great we can figure out from there. If he does not, I need to know for some type of closure then. It is tricky because, do I wait and everything can be what my gut says, just a break for him to get stuff situation. Do I go with my brain and assume all the bad stuff and leave and risk a potential great relationship? If i give him the ultimatum, I fear it will not go the way that I want as well as that I may take him back when he came back. I know we as human need breaks from others, we need to catch up with ourselves. I just wished i knew what was going on. Link to post Share on other sites
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