New Member...New Breakup of 5 years

[0neLove]

Hello,

 

I am new to this message board. I never thought I would actually be posting in one of these sites until my boyfriend of 5 years completely caught me by surprise and broke up with me two days ago. We started dating since freshman year in college so we've been together for pretty much our entire adult lives. Throughout our five years together, we've always had a positive, loving, and incredibly strong relationship. Together we've been through the trials and tribulations of life so I felt like we could handle anything. We moved in together after I graduated from college and this year would have marked our 2 years of living together. Throughout college, we would stay over at each other's place nearly every night so in reality it felt like we've been living together for the past 5 years.

 

However yesterday he told me that he didn't feel the same about our relationship anymore and he had tried to figure out his feelings for a while now, but the more he thought about it and the harder he tried to fight them off, the clearer it was to him that things weren't the same. He said that he wants to be able to grow as a person and to really figure out himself. By being in a relationship, he was unable to grow and had to make all his decisions with me in mind. He tried to convince me that this is for the best and the two of us will grow into stronger and better people by not being so dependent on each other. As hard as it was to hear all of this from him, I knew there was some truth to it because in the time that we've been together, we had become very emotionally dependent on each other. When we were at work, all we'd think about was rushing home to see each other. When one of us had to go somewhere without the other, we'd miss the other person. At the time I saw this as the amount of love we had for each other, but I can see how this wasn't healthy.

 

 

Now he promises that we will continue to be friends, best friends in fact, and the bond we have will never be lost. I can always call him if I need anything and he will always be there for me. It makes me relieved to know that I have not lost my best friend, but I know it will be a tough transition.

 

Now I need some advice/tips/suggestions. We are going to try to live together as roommates until our lease ends and try to start the transition from lovers to best friends. I know this can be dangerous, but it'd be even more devastating to go from seeing him every waking second to not seeing him at all. We had our first hang out today as "just friends" and it was great knowing that we could still have fun together even after just breaking up, but it also pained me to know that as normal and natural our hang out was, things are different now and he is no longer my boyfriend.

 

Is it a bad idea to slowly transition from lovers to best friends without taking a complete 100% no contact break? Is it possible to still live with your ex as just roommates? And is it even possible to remain best friends after 5 years of dating? We've both vowed to take a long break from any new relationships/dating to really figure ourselves out. I feel like we can do it and defy the odds, but there are times when I just feel miserable and break down sobbing.

 

If you read through all of this, thank you! Here's to best friends!

[Chochobong]

You need to move out and go NC ASAP! This will be the fastest road to healing and purging your romantic thoughts for him. You can truly only be friends when both of you no longer have any romatic interest in the other.

 

Living with and being strung along by ex-wife's mixed signals was living Hell for 1 and half months. I would never put myself nor anyone else through that again in my life.

 

Since he has been honest with you, I would be honest with him about why you need to move out and establish NC.

[0neLove]

Unfortunately, due to financial constraints, I don't think either of us can afford to move out. Our lease doesn't end until the end of summer and there's no way one of us can pay for it all. We were going to use the time we have left in the lease to slowly wane each other off and let the transition begin...

[allanworks]

i know its not going to work out. many have tried few succeed.youl get made seing him hitting on a girl or gitting flirted with and visversa.best thing to do is seporate for about a year. no contact.after you got a boyfriend and hes got a girlfriend then you can be friends

[allanworks]

i know its not going to work out. many have tried few succeed.youl get made seing him hitting on a girl or gitting flirted with and visversa.best thing to do is seporate for about a year. no contact.after you got a boyfriend and hes got a girlfriend then you can be friends[/quote/]

if you cant move out than dont go out as this will eventually hert you or him. try to get eachother to agree to not start dating untill yaul move away from eachother

[0neLove]

Thanks for all of your input. As I stated above, we've both vowed to take a 1 year absence from any new relationships/flings/one-night stands so we can truly "grow as a person" and learn to be independent. Because we've decided to do this, I feel like we can beat the odds and really try and test out our new roles as just friends. It is an unspoken rule that while we are still living under the same roof, we will respect each other as roommates and as friends with a past.

[allanworks]

then i wish all the luck to you and your friend.

[0neLove]

Thank you for the good wishes.

 

Is there anyone out there who've mastered the Jerry (Seinfeld) & Elaine relationship?

[2sunny]

Thanks for all of your input. As I stated above, we've both vowed to take a 1 year absence from any new relationships/flings/one-night stands so we can truly "grow as a person" and learn to be independent. Because we've decided to do this, I feel like we can beat the odds and really try and test out our new roles as just friends. It is an unspoken rule that while we are still living under the same roof, we will respect each other as roommates and as friends with a past.

 

and what will you do when he doesn't come home one night when he slept over at a new gals house that he went out with?

 

it will happen... it always happens this way. expect it. it's his way of telling you that he intends to date others...

[stillafool]

I don't see your bf going a year without experiencing other women. He may not bring them to your place but he definitely wants to see what else is out there. In a way I can't blame him because the two of you have dated for so long and neither or you have experienced other people. I think it is important to experience different people before you settle down and marry. You both should move out and find new roommates and move on.

[0neLove]

UGGGGGGGGGGH.

 

I need help. I was doing so well, really finding inner peace and tranquility and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but last night and today I took 5 steps back and feel like sh*t. I'm overwhelmed with stress from work, family, figuring out housing arrangements, grad school plans. AND dealing with "THIS."

 

Any help/advice as to what I do now????

[Chochobong]

Sleep in different rooms. Stay at friends/family's places as much as possible. Cut communication down to only the essentials for what roommates would need.

[Chochobong]

Any chance you two could find someone to take up the other half's lease and the other could move out.

[EmperorR]

Thanks for all of your input. As I stated above, we've both vowed to take a 1 year absence from any new relationships/flings/one-night stands so we can truly "grow as a person" and learn to be independent. Because we've decided to do this, I feel like we can beat the odds and really try and test out our new roles as just friends. It is an unspoken rule that while we are still living under the same roof, we will respect each other as roommates and as friends with a past.

 

 

Yeah right your ex is prob banging someone new right now

 

I've been there with the whole I want o be alone, I want to be single bla bla

 

all lies.

[Chochobong]

Yeah right your ex is prob banging someone new right now

 

I've been there with the whole I want o be alone, I want to be single bla bla

 

all lies.

It's possible he will hold true to his words, but it's also he could change his mind within the year. You are no longer in a relationship, thus, he can justify anything he wants.....including lying and keeping things from you (to ease his guilt and/or not to hurt you). Happened to me with my ex-wife.

 

Both of your vows could go out the window at anytime.