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My ex and I knew eachother for 4 years before we began dating. I had been in love with him for quite some time, and we were good friends, so I told him how I felt, I told him I loved him. To this he replied that he wasn't sure how he felt, and that he didn't know if he wanted to know how he felt about it. We ended up dating...and for the first 6 months it was pretty great, then things went sour.

 

He never took me on a Saturday or Sunday date, ever. He would disappear on school breaks or holidays. He would make jokes that humiliated me in front of other girls or his guy friends, he got me crappy gifts for my birthday/valentines/etc. He stood me up on New Year's Eve, he often called me constantly, and accused me of cheating. We never once spent the night together. And he refused to purchase me flowers. Mind you, I made it clear that those were things that he could do to make me happy, but he stubbornly refused.

 

He made comments about clothes I purchased and got angry at me for asking him to walk me home in the dark. He was always quick to point out what I was doing wrong, but never accepted any responsibility for his part of the fights. He said that he was "perfect". He also started to drink alot. He told me that he gave another girl his number, and then got furious with me for asking why he did that. He was always there for other girls, but never for me. He let me go alone to a surgery, and once left me in the snow alone to catch a bus home after a date.

 

Sometimes I would only have one date a week with him, and it was never a real date. It was just him coming to my place to make out. I once brought up marriage, and he said that he had been planning on proposing this spring. Two months later, he dumped me, over the phone and with no explanation, and even said "I love you". after that I contacted him trying to get a reason so that I would have closure. He just ignored me completely. Finally, he called me and told me off, and acted very hostile and angry. Then I ignored him.

 

On Christmas, he called, and I ignored the call. a couple days later I called him back, he told me he still loves me, but he was going out for a date with a girl who is more buxom that I and he's taking her on a SATURDAY date btw which he never did with me in 13 months of our relationship, then he repeated that he loved me, and hung up. He also told me that he started dating only 3 days after he broke up with me. Now mind you, this was a long relationship, 13 months.

 

Now he is ignoring me again, while acting friendly over myspace. Can someone please give me a clue as to what is going on here? I feel like he is trying to use/control me and jerk me around by not giving me an answer to aid in closure for me. I am afraid that all my good memories are fake, and that his 'love' was fake, and that he is a Faker. And did he ever love me? because I am begining to doubt that he ever loved me.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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What's going on is an abusive relationship. First of all, do not ever tell a guy that you love him when you're not even dating or in a serious relationship. And my own personal policy on that is to never tell a guy that I love him unless he says it to me first. Also, do not approach men in general. Understand that if a guy is interested in you, he'll find a way to ask you out. Period. When you approach a guy and he hasn't thought of you in a romantic way, you have opened a door that might not have naturally opened. I know a lot of people argue about this and start telling stories about this couple or that, but for your purposes, don't ever be the agressor. And no matter how nice and sweet you are about it, approaching a man is being the agressor.

 

You say you want an explanation and closure? You've had that a million times. He has said it in a million different ways. It's probably hard for you to hear but his actions say it all - he's indifferent towards you, he wasn't interested in you, you made it too easy for him and he didn't appreciate you. Take your pick. He cares nothing about pleasing you and any man in love is eager to please. And then take those feelings (or the lack thereof) and combine that with his abusive personality. It's an extremely bad mix. He tells you he loves you because if this new person doesn't work out, he knows that you don't have enough self-esteem to tell him to kiss off if he comes back again. He knows that he can treat you like dirt and that you'll take him back. Surprise him - the next time he calls you, simply say, "Don't ever call me again," and hang up on him. And don't ever speak to him again. You cannot fix this.

 

But all that aside, why on earth would you stay with a man who degrades you in so many ways? Why would you even consider marriage or bring it up? Why ignore all the signs? Why put up with this crappy treatment? Why do you want to be with a guy who tells you he's dating someone else because their boobs are bigger? Are you serious??? Do you realize that whenever you continue to stay with a man who does this to you that you send him a message that says it's ok to continue doing it? You're better off without this total and complete loser. Just take a lesson from it and move on.

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stop responding or acknowledging him.

Create a situation that effectively wipes him from your life and makes him cease to exist.

He should be complete and total history to you.

make it so.

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Yeh I do have to say what he did was wrong. He is lucky you at least tell him what you would like, and communicate with him on such things. My girl didn't do that and expected me to know what she is thinking and what she wants.

 

This was my first relationship and I was very open with her about me not knowing what to do most of the time, and that she would have to let me know what she wants for a little while until I understood how it should be.

 

But that didn't end up like this, she left me hanging on a break and refused to communicate with me because she is impatient.

 

I think you should just forget and ignore him, if he is interested he would sit down and have a serious talk. That's what I'm waiting for her to realize and try and work things out but it doesn't seem to be going that way, so now I must ignore her until she figures herself out.

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Yeh I do have to say what he did was wrong. He is lucky you at least tell him what you would like, and communicate with him on such things. My girl didn't do that and expected me to know what she is thinking and what she wants.

 

This was my first relationship and I was very open with her about me not knowing what to do most of the time, and that she would have to let me know what she wants for a little while until I understood how it should be.

 

But that didn't end up like this, she left me hanging on a break and refused to communicate with me because she is impatient.

 

I think you should just forget and ignore him, if he is interested he would sit down and have a serious talk. That's what I'm waiting for her to realize and try and work things out but it doesn't seem to be going that way, so now I must ignore her until she figures herself out.

 

 

 

and you are in the same situation I'm in. I wanted to communicate, and to try to understand, but he refused to discuss it, and still does. :mad:

oh, haha. I ckecked my voicemail, and Lo and Behold, he left me a voicemail. He said he would meet me at such and such place at noon tomorrow, a place where we have good memories as a couple, it wasn't a question either that i'd be there, he didn't ask me, he stated it as a fact, as if he knows that I will be there because he said so. Mind you, yes, I told him I love him and stuff, but I never said I would meet up with him. It feels very very controlling. He told me that I would meet him somewhere on his terms? what?! and no, im not going. Because I know deep deep down inside that if he wanted to talk, he could come to my place, or email me. I am so angry!

Edited by Faker
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He's abusive. Stop telling him you love him. Abusers cannot be fixed. I'm not just saying these words because they sound dramatic and entertaining. Unless you want to waste year after year of your life on this idiot, you'll get out now. They all do this. They all call and get demanding and then plead and beg and give a performance worthy of an Oscar. Don't buy into it. As you already plan, don't show up tomorrow. And turn your phone off. Don't answer when he angrily calls, amazed that you had the nerve to not show up. Wait about 24 hrs and then call him and tell him that despite the fact that you care about him, you feel this is a destructive relationship and you don't want to be with him anymore. And then hang up. It's not open for discussion.

 

I know you won't do any of this. I know that you'll end up going back to him. But you won't be able to say you weren't warned.

Edited by Angel1111
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Now he is ignoring me again, while acting friendly over myspace. Can someone please give me a clue as to what is going on here? I feel like he is trying to use/control me and jerk me around by not giving me an answer to aid in closure for me. I am afraid that all my good memories are fake, and that his 'love' was fake, and that he is a Faker. And did he ever love me? because I am begining to doubt that he ever loved me.

 

First of all myspace sucks. Feels good not having one. It sucks away your time - time better spent speaking to someone face to face :)

 

Don't pair up with abusive men. Simple - but it might seem hard to appreciate a nice man, seeing you have experienced the opposite.

 

Sorry to hear about your struggle with your man. All things heal in time.

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All of those networking sites suck.. mine removed me from the top friends on myspace because of a comment on facebook regarding me hanging out with other girls.

 

But she can post stuff on myspace about her and her "friend." And I'm suppose to sit there and read it and do nothing..forget that, just don't go on it at all..that's all there is to it really.

 

I dunno how someone can treat another so controlling like that. In my case she told me she has double standards and so on and she wants things her way but now that we are on a break it should not matter who I hang out with.

 

I dunno about you, but for me, the previous guy treated her like **** and apparently it screwed stuff up for me. Doesn't seem like that was the case with you..so to me it makes no sense why he is treating you like that.

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Wow, this guy sounds like the scum of the earth. An honor less, pitiful excuse for a man.

 

He should not be treating you that way, and you derserve better.

 

Any guy should thank his lucky stars that a special lady like yourself has given him the time of day, they should be a gentlemen while with you, hold doors, pull out chairs, respect you. Want to spend time with you and make time to be with you.

Edited by Sprig
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Wow, this guy sounds like the scum of the earth. An honor less, pitiful excuse for a man.

 

He should not be treating you that way, and you derserve better.

 

Any guy should thank his lucky stars that a special lady like yourself has given him the time of day, they should be a gentlemen while with you, hold doors, pull out chairs, respect you. Want to spend time with you and make time to be with you.

 

The funny thing is I did all that for my girl and then I guess her issues finally got to her and instead of giving me a chance like she did to everyone else, she just decided she needs her own time and wants to make herself happy without worrying about making others happy.

 

I guess its a hit or miss thing but that doesn't mean I will turn into an *******.

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