106rob Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 hi all problalby a story you have all herd a thousend times before,but im still going to tell mine if thats ok right well il try and keep it as short as possible basicly me and my girlfriend have been together just over 18months and we have been so close in all this time (we were perviosly friends through friends) and we have been living together for about 8 months and never realy been apart,anyway things were going grate we have had a few issues in our time but thats life we just worked throguh it etc, as said we were so close and so in love (or so i thaught) everything wasiv always treated her like a princess and she did always come first with me, but for the last 6 months or so iv had it in the back of my mind she is going to end it when she gets to uni i know it...and we have had many discussions over it and decided we didnt know what was going to happen but we would sure try (we hardly lived down the road from each other as it was so another 20 miles wasent going to make much difrent to me anyway) then low and behold after 1 week she started acting difrent,not botherd about anything i had to say anymore and leaveing it hours or not replying atall to my txt messages somthing witch beforehand was always instant and we could speak for hours on the phone about any old random crap! so alarm bels started ringing,anyway i went down to see her new place etc and she seemed a bit off like,anyway we got in bed and she just went to turn over and go to sleep,where we hadent had any real time together in weeks so would useualy make love or at least have a cuddle etc,so i just came out with it and asked her what was up,she then just said she thinks we need a break untill she has settled into uni.....so trying not to let my mind run away with me i agreed..then 3 days later i managed to get hold of her on facebook and she said she cant comit to a relationship while she is there its not fair on me,and she wont have time with the amount of work she has to do etc (yet still managed to go out and get wasted everynight as iv seen on facebook) so anyway im left deverstated by this and she doesent seem the slightest bit bother tbh,she said she missed me but didnt feel the same anymore :S now to me from an 18month very close relationship feeling like this going in a matter of weeks doesent just happen its somthing she has been getting used to over a period of time...? im finding myself constantly thinking about her non stop from the moment i wake to the moment i sleep like everything so i have decided to go down the NC route not what i want but i think its the only way im going to have any chance at moveing on right now,she was my first love and real girlfriend i do hope that maybe some time apart may make her realise what we had i know i have and when the novelty (or money runs out) of living the uni life wears off,but right now thats just wishful thinking i love her to pieces and just want her back tbh i know it wont be easy while she is there but i wanted to at least make ago of it thanks for any advice and sorry for the bad grammer and spelling Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 sorry to hear what you are going through. There is not a lot you can do to change her mind. Going to uni will change her. She wil get lots of new friends and probably a new boyfriend. i was dumped 5 months ago by a girl who lives in a different town so i know what youa re going through. Its early days but you are doing right going NC. It probably wont bring her back but will help you heal quicker. focus on yourself and keep yourself busy and doing things you enjoy. take littles steps. forst month or two will be hard. you are at a good young age where there will be plenty more fish in the sea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 106rob Posted November 5, 2009 Author Share Posted November 5, 2009 thankyou for your reply yep as said it is early days and everyone says there is plenty more fish in the sea,i know but it feels like she is ment for me im not interested in anyone else just want her back and i know what it feels like now to have your heart truely broke its the worst feeling ever Link to post Share on other sites
JaggedRoad Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 I understand your heartbreak. My ex broke it off in August, and--like your ex--she just started uni in September. We had several discussions about maintaining communication while she is at uni, but things changed. Circumstances changed and things happened that affected me and made me withdraw. I guess you can say that it was horrible timing, but everything eventually led to the collapse of our relationship. What adamt said is very accurate. Uni will change your ex. It's going to be terrifying for the first few weeks, but you will survive. Just keep NC for the sake of your sanity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 106rob Posted November 5, 2009 Author Share Posted November 5, 2009 thanks again,and yep im sure you can image how i feel right now then,she just litrally over night decided she wanted nothing and no comitment,after been a very emotional person with me and even hinting at wanting more only a few months ago,im going to keep NC but its her birthday in 2 weeks so il send a card for that and mine is 2 weeks after and then its christmas so its gonna be hard but im gonna try and just the thaught of her with someone else sickens me thats problalby selfish of me to think like that but still i love her to bits and all most people wil want her for at uni is sex and she can be a neive at time aswell Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 You may think it was a sudden decision by her but more than likely it has been on her mind for a while as going to uni is not an overnight decision. She probably knew a decision was ahead. Also i would think twice about sending a card. My ex had her birthday 2 weeks after splitting up. I never got a response and it made no difference to getting her back. Also dont expect a card from her, if you get one it will be more than likely out of guilt. I'm sorry if it seems all bad news, having gone through it all myself last 5 months I wouldn't want you be wasting time. If she has 2nd thoughts then it needs to be without pressure from you. if you hassle her, you will just push her away Link to post Share on other sites
adam11 Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Sorry mate.. Its hard. I was dumped by someone i was with for over three years. (this happened two years ago) she was my first girl, first love ETC.. you feel pretty bad for a long time. Time, IS the healer though. everybody is different, but it took me about 12 months to properly get over her. it could be a lot sooner for you, coz i originally went the wrong way about moving on. i was drinking a lot of alcohol and using cannibis and cocaine.. a fair bit of it too. >> VERY BAD IDEA << When you split with ur first love..you feel like you will never love again, or never love anybody as much... but you will man .. ..i did, and a gazillion times more too!! 2 years on.. I'm in a relasionship with most amazing person EVER. im really happy. life is sweet. I could never go back.. when i compare the 2 relasionships, i think back to my first love and she doesnt even come close to how great this is. the past is history, the future is a mystery! it sucks man. but you gotta keep urself motivated! and dont be looking at her facebook pics and stuff, delete her. dont talk to her, dont get drunk and text her. get on with ur life, you have soooooo much to look forward to. :) remember - you are not the only person going through this!! stay strong bud! AD X Link to post Share on other sites
Author 106rob Posted November 6, 2009 Author Share Posted November 6, 2009 thanks for that adam realy made me feel better and yep after reading a few threading on here i do feel better im not doing what i was doing (constantly checking my iphone or facebook for messages and going on just to see what she was upto etc) im glad you moved on mate i hope one day when the time is right i will follow in your foot steps and no im not turning to drink or drugs,i know thats the worst thing i could ever do and i wont let her turn me into somthing im not! me and a friend are looking at booking a holiday for early next year just get away for a week or so aswell Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 (edited) I hope you can move on, maybe had she not gone to uni circumstances might have been different. but whats meant to be will be. In my experience my ex's mom got terminally ill and passed away. for 18 months the relationship was going great. both of us comfortable with each other. (she said i was the best boyfriend she ever had. she was 36)she asked me if i wanted to get a house together. so we started working out where to live..etc we had a lot in common and similar thoughts on life. but then last 5 months it seemed to change. it felt i was walking on eggshells, i just couldnt do anything right in her eyes. she just seemed to be detaching herself. I'm sure her mom's situation contributed but i can't put all the blame on that. maybe i got complacent and too comfortable. maybe her moms death changed her and she just wants to be selfish and do her own thing. she doesnt seem in a hurry to meet anyone else at the moment. I was devastated when we broke up. She was cold with me and i didnt even get the chance to talk things through. she said we had very little in common and miss our chance. I just broke down and cried. It was a tough few months to get though it. Positive stuff to come out of it is i've got fit and toned and lost weight and got back in touch with friends. getitng more attention in clubs now i am in better shape Life a bitch at times, but it makes us stronger recently joined a dating website(gets harder at my age). met someone and we got on really well so a 2nd date in the pipleline. there is someone else who we both matched each other, but still waiting for her to reply to my message...women just dont understand them! There is a chance i may bump into my ex tomorro after 5 months of NC. Im nervous as i've no idea how i react or what i should do. you will have good and bad days. some days you just dont want to get out of bed. p.s. yeah try to keep away from drink and drugs. i used exercise and the gym as my comfort. physical pain felt better than the mental pain! Holiday is a good idea, i went on a couple short trips too. good to keep planning things to look forward to. keep busy at weekends and dont spend too much time alone on evening.take uop reading books jsut before you go to sleep Edited November 6, 2009 by adamt Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 yeah try to keep away from drink and drugs. i used exercise and the gym as my comfort. physical pain felt better than the mental pain! Do that and this: So you want a second chance? Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Do that and this: So you want a second chance? yeah i did all that. it is the only way to go. i had two weeks of mourning the end of the relationship. then realised i couldnt carry on sitting in and crying. so joined the gym and hit the treadmill. lost about 20lbs and body fat gone down from 33% to 15%, eat healthy. god, i remember breakign down at work and not being able to sleep more than 4 hours a night and not eating Link to post Share on other sites
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