unclarity Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 hey guys, i went to the therapist today and told her all over again about my ex and I and how he keeps saying he still love me and cant make a decision on breaking up with his current gf cause he says he is afraid. Anyway, she told me i shouldnt keep him away, cause i need to make him understand im not going anywhere this time and be sure of my feelings for him. what do you all think? should i break NC? Link to post Share on other sites
caramel c Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 The ONLY reason I can come up with as to why your therapist would advise you to do that is so you keep spending money on therapy!! Bad advice. If he has someone else leave him alone. There is nothing you should do. Absolutely nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author unclarity Posted October 10, 2009 Author Share Posted October 10, 2009 you really think so? i mean, she didnt tell me to go running after him saying how much i love him and stuff, just said that its ok to talk to him so he knows im around... smth like that. gosh im even more confused now Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 Unclarity, Your therapist's suggestion didn't make sense to me, either...until I read your back story. I would interpret that she is telling you to do much more than just "break NC" -- [based on the history of your relationship] I think *IF* you want to get back with him, then it is on you to take whatever emotional risks to see if/how/when a reconciliation can take place. That is, I'm guessing her suggestion has more to do with making yourself emotionally available to him, than just start contacting him with/about superficial stuff. At least, that's what I'm interpreting is your therapist's motive -- I strongly recommend that you ask her for clarification before you proceed, though. In the meantime, I trust that therapy has helped you heal from your childhood experiences. I'm sorry that you had to go through that...you totally did not deserve it. Good luck with your reconciliation efforts...and everything else, too Link to post Share on other sites
Author unclarity Posted October 10, 2009 Author Share Posted October 10, 2009 Thanks, Ronni_W, your words meant a lot. thanks for reading my back story too and i agree with you about her reasons, she did mean making myself emotionally available, so he knows im still here and im not going anywhere, cause accoding to her it's like he has all these feelings he cant sort it out, plus he is confused - not to mention the trusting issues. But to be honest im not sure if i should be the one contacting him first, not after our last conversation at his house, anyway i will take ur advice and ask her to be more specific before i jump into conclusions and all. Meanwhile I'm just going to wait. Link to post Share on other sites
seoa Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 (edited) I would interpret that she is telling you to do much more than just "break NC" -- [based on the history of your relationship] I think *IF* you want to get back with him, then it is on you to take whatever emotional risks to see if/how/when a reconciliation can take place. My understanding of the backstory is that the original relationship was broken off (many years ago) by the OP, for less than healthy reasons... But that was *years* ago... currently, she's told her ex that she'd be willing to be his OW (other woman) while he continues to date the current gf... I don't see how she could make herself any more available than that...? Did I miss a post somewhere...? Edit: i.e. the therapist's advice makes no sense to me... I wonder if it's more about how you are hearing the advice... I've known people come out of a therapist's office, and they've heard the therapist "tell" them to do things, when the therapist was actually just reflecting back what the client was talking about (to clarify that they'd understood properly)... Definitely, confirm with the therapist what is really being talked about, and remember that therapists are not gods, and do get things wrong... Edited October 10, 2009 by seoa Link to post Share on other sites
Author unclarity Posted October 10, 2009 Author Share Posted October 10, 2009 I don't see how she could make herself any more available than that...? Did I miss a post somewhere...? no, you did not. and by available i think she meant "not going anywhere" considering his fears, i dont know. he is too complicated, he called me a few minutes ago and said he missed me, he went to bed last night thinking about me and how much he missed me but couldn't get himself to call, so today he did and we talked a little bit, he asked about my day and right before we hung up he went "I adore you, Carol" ... WTH??? and that was it. i will say what the therapist said to me in her words and you guys can tell me if im misinterpreting. after i told her about what happened at his house (the whole conforting thing and the chat with his mom/sister) i asked her what should i do, cause i didnt know if it would be healthy to keep calling him, texting or emaling. So she said "no, you dont need to stop doing that because he needs to understand you arent going anywhere." she said he wasnt ready because he has all this mixed up feelings and because of that she said i need to make him understand im there for him. She even told me to ask him out a few times, not like his "other woman" but as his friend, so he can trust me again. she also said "he has feelings for you, we dont know what kind of feelings - neither does he - but there is smth that he needs to figure it out himself". did it help? Link to post Share on other sites
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