Chiken Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Almost exactly a year ago now, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me and promptly started dating someone else. She lied about it and said she wanted some time alone, but only a week or two after, her facebook status reflected that change. The more I thought about it, I realized that she'd been gearing up to date this guy for a while, and had even mentioned she thought he liked her. Assuming I was secure as her one and only, I didn't feel threatened. So it really sucked to realize she very much broke up with me to be with this guy. I decided that rather than torture myself over the whole thing, I removed her from my facebook friends so I didn't feel tempted to look into her life, which she clearly didn't want me to be a part of. It's definitely helped me move on; it was too easy to "check in" on her and see what she was up to while facebook friends. Once I removed her, I couldn't know what she was doing even if I tried. Now I've been doing better, moving on as my own person, etc. But today, very near the anniversary of us breaking up, she's requested to add me as a friend. I don't know if she's wanting to just be in contact again (I know she's moved to a new city with the new bf, so it's not like she wants to get back together) or just wanted to keep tabs on me. So I'm not sure if I should ignore it, or send her a message saying "No Thanks", or accept it and maybe block her privacy. I've got no freaking clue. Part of me is angry that I never got closure (she broke up with me by email, and I never got to talk to her face-to-face since before the breakup), and wants to give her a piece of my mind. Another part of me wants to just ignore it, let her understand that if she wants to just excise me from her life, she can't just flit back in on a whim. What're your thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
JaggedRoad Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Block her =) Link to post Share on other sites
jen924 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Almost exactly a year ago now, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me and promptly started dating someone else. She lied about it and said she wanted some time alone, but only a week or two after, her facebook status reflected that change. The more I thought about it, I realized that she'd been gearing up to date this guy for a while, and had even mentioned she thought he liked her. Assuming I was secure as her one and only, I didn't feel threatened. So it really sucked to realize she very much broke up with me to be with this guy. I decided that rather than torture myself over the whole thing, I removed her from my facebook friends so I didn't feel tempted to look into her life, which she clearly didn't want me to be a part of. It's definitely helped me move on; it was too easy to "check in" on her and see what she was up to while facebook friends. Once I removed her, I couldn't know what she was doing even if I tried. Now I've been doing better, moving on as my own person, etc. But today, very near the anniversary of us breaking up, she's requested to add me as a friend. I don't know if she's wanting to just be in contact again (I know she's moved to a new city with the new bf, so it's not like she wants to get back together) or just wanted to keep tabs on me. So I'm not sure if I should ignore it, or send her a message saying "No Thanks", or accept it and maybe block her privacy. I've got no freaking clue. Part of me is angry that I never got closure (she broke up with me by email, and I never got to talk to her face-to-face since before the breakup), and wants to give her a piece of my mind. Another part of me wants to just ignore it, let her understand that if she wants to just excise me from her life, she can't just flit back in on a whim. What're your thoughts? I think it's more than likely she is trying to find out what you are up to or like you said keep tabs on you. Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Almost exactly a year ago now, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me and promptly started dating someone else. She lied about it and said she wanted some time alone, but only a week or two after, her facebook status reflected that change. The more I thought about it, I realized that she'd been gearing up to date this guy for a while, and had even mentioned she thought he liked her. Assuming I was secure as her one and only, I didn't feel threatened. So it really sucked to realize she very much broke up with me to be with this guy. I decided that rather than torture myself over the whole thing, I removed her from my facebook friends so I didn't feel tempted to look into her life, which she clearly didn't want me to be a part of. It's definitely helped me move on; it was too easy to "check in" on her and see what she was up to while facebook friends. Once I removed her, I couldn't know what she was doing even if I tried. Now I've been doing better, moving on as my own person, etc. But today, very near the anniversary of us breaking up, she's requested to add me as a friend. I don't know if she's wanting to just be in contact again (I know she's moved to a new city with the new bf, so it's not like she wants to get back together) or just wanted to keep tabs on me. So I'm not sure if I should ignore it, or send her a message saying "No Thanks", or accept it and maybe block her privacy. I've got no freaking clue. Part of me is angry that I never got closure (she broke up with me by email, and I never got to talk to her face-to-face since before the breakup), and wants to give her a piece of my mind. Another part of me wants to just ignore it, let her understand that if she wants to just excise me from her life, she can't just flit back in on a whim. What're your thoughts? Ignore. I removed my ex from FB after we broke up. Mostly for me to heal and not see her updates or what she was up to. I tend to keep the past in the past, what is the point of being friends now? Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Complete silence, like *crickets* silence. Don't accept her as a friend. She is doing this to just try and keep tabs on you. Maybe she feels guilty about how she ended things and wants to try and make herself feel better. Click yes on the request and now she can go on living knowing that you still care about her. She can go live her new life with her boyfriend pretty much with a clear conscience, all courtesy of you. I know you don't want to give her the satisfaction so I would just leave it alone. What she did to you was weak...breakup via email??? Come on, you aren't dealing with a strong person here. Click on NO and be done. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Kaya Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 I vote for ignore. Link to post Share on other sites
john1988 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Tricky one dude I've had the same sort of problem recently when my ex tried to make contact I decided not to. I think if you are unsure it always has to be no like Dusty said it sounds like it's a selfish act so I'd just leave it. Link to post Share on other sites
Roxanna Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 I'd go a step further than just rejecting the friend request, and block her completely. That's what you should've done when you broke up; then she wouldn't be sending you a friend request now. Link to post Share on other sites
ecm Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 I think you shouldn't add her. Also, I think you shouldn't do anything about the request. If you ignore her, she'll know you ignored her if she tries to see. If you block her, she'll think she still has you in some way. If you just let it sit there, she'll be wondering what's up...and might even message you telling you WHY she wanted to add you. (not that you necessarily care, but if you're wondering, you could then find out) Link to post Share on other sites
tryagaintoday Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 *thinks to self* hmmm, what will i do if it is me....? i definitely wouldn't allow her to add me so it will be either click on ignore or just leave it hanging on the friend request.... hmmm, ok. i treat her as a friend of my friends so what do i usually do if a friend of my friends tried adding me...? hmmm, if i do not dislike that person, i will add. if not i will ignore. Yeah, so I will click on ignore! Link to post Share on other sites
smookie Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 I tend to keep the past in the past, what is the point of being friends now? When you do this does it really make it eazier and can you just auto shut off you past like it never happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chiken Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 Thanks for all the support! I'm definitely leaning more towards just letting the invite sit for now, possibly to click ignore later. You know how hard it can be sometimes to get empathy from guy friends when it comes to a girl getting you down. I am curious, though, as to why she added me. Knowing her, what Dusty said is right: she's probably wanting to feel better about dumping me like she did, or wants to keep tabs on me. I remember she had a similar situation with her ex from before she dated me; even though she always complained about how negative he was, she also seemed intent on trying to help him overcome that, even while we were dating. She also spent a lot of time trying to "fix" me and worry about my future; I can't help but think she's wanting to see how I've progressed. So, for now, I'm going to sit on it, and if she wants to try to contact me, that's truly up to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 You shouldn't feel obligated to add her....if you feel angry/annoyed by the request, ignore it. I do not think it is important for you all to be facebook friends esp you are still hurt over the lack of closure....so you could just leave it alone. If you aren't friends offline then an online "friendship" is even less important. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Do you have many friends in common? Sometimes the FB site automatically requests people for you if you have people in common- or so I'm told. I ignore people all the time. I figure if I don't see them IRL, they aren't going to be able to get mad at me for saying no to their request! Link to post Share on other sites
looking4 green grass Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 I vote for the let it sit there option. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 *I vote for joining 'Mafia wars', inviting her, and then assassinating her 10 times to get your icing points waaaaay up....* haarhaarhaarhaar....! Did I just say that out loud.....? Link to post Share on other sites
ecm Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 *I vote for joining 'Mafia wars', inviting her, and then assassinating her 10 times to get your icing points waaaaay up....* haarhaarhaarhaar....! Did I just say that out loud.....? ha ha ha ha ha ha. that was funny. Link to post Share on other sites
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