Jump to content

Worst thing that could have happened, happened.


Recommended Posts

My ex broke up with me 5 weeks ago (we had been dating for a year, close friends for awhile before that) because i was paranoid and didn't trust her and needed convincing about things (been cheated on in my last relationship so i was insecure about that, i brought my past relationship into this one which was so f****ing stupid and i realise that now she's gone and didn't believe her about somethings) i was convinced that her mother didn't like me because she wouldn't let me stay at her house but soon realized i was wrong again i was just angry i couldn't see her and looked for excuses (it was a LDR we live around 3 hours apart we met randomly) the day after me thinking everything was sorted she spoke to her friends then she text me saying that was the end of it she said and she couldn't take anymore, i did the typical begging and pleading to try get her back but it didn't work, she then said she still wanted to be friends still so i agreed and said i'd rather have her as a friend then not at all, i tried to be friends for two weeks but it didn't work all we did was argue, i told her i may need time and space to get over her which caused another argument where she stopped speaking to me, i then told her i thought i had testicular cancer and that i'd thought so for awhile (I discovered a lump 2 or so years ago I'm 18 now) but thought it'd 'go away' so i didn't see anyone about it but recently i had been getting pains, she then asked why i told her that now, i told her i was scared and that she was the only person i could talk to about it (immature i know) she said she would be there for me no matter what, she then demanded me to go get it checked out, thankfully i'm all clear if i had it, it would have been too late after leaving it for the amount of time i did.

 

we then went on afew days talking normally then we had another argument about her not telling me what was wrong when she was upset, i told her i can't be there for her if she doesn't tell me what's wrong, then she was in a mood with me we sorted that out quite easily the next day. that night she was staying at a friends house she came online and we started speaking, not much because she was at her friends which is understandable, then she went offline with no goodbye or anything, so i thought why should i bother if she can't even be bothered to say bye? we then didn't talk for three weeks.

 

3 weeks later she IM'd me this is how the convo went:

 

her: hola

me: hi

her: howre you?

me: im great thanks

her: oh still abit sour?

me: what do you mean?

her: well i've been trying to talk to you for ages and you don't reply

me: i haven't recieved anything (which i actually hadn't)

her: well you could have tried speaking to me

me: brb getting a drink

her: okay

me: back

her: from where?

me: getting a drink lol

her: so why haven't you started a conversation with me

me: why is it up to me to start a conversation?

 

then we started arguing with her going offline well blocking and deleting me after saying:

 

"fine I'll make the decision for you, i'll never talk to you again, you don't deserve anyone good because of the way you are, bye!"

 

I then text her saying:

 

"you know what (name) if you cared about me the slightest you'd give me time to get over you, I told you I'd probably need time alone and that I couldn't be friends with you yet because i'd always want more, you knew I was destroyed after the break up and you knew I wouldn't be able to resist talking to you! And when i stopped you didn't like it. Thanks for the closure."

 

She replied:

 

"The first thing I said if you want me to stay away from you and not talk for a couple of weeks!!! but you said it was the worst thing I could do!! So when you stopped talking to me for no apparent reason I was worried I had done something wrong. Atleast I have the decency to try where as you don't. I told you I'd always be here for you no matter what, its obvious you wont be there for me if you won't even say hello! So don't lecture me on being a bitch when you are just as bad as me."

 

The last 5 days since we spoke i was thinking about the best thing to do either it should be to text her or call her, and not taking advice from people on here telling me to go back to NC which i asked for, i really wish i took it now.

 

So... an hour ago i decided i was going to ring her to try sort things out, firstly we started off fine with basicly hey how're you's then i said brought up the fact she didn't have the decency to text me when her friends laptop switched off the last time we spoke, which started an argument, i told her i didn't even want her back i just wanted to be friends, sad thing is i want her back, she said she wasn't sure if she could even be that anymore, i told her i couldn't handle the arguing because of the stuff i'm going through right now and then she said "do you think its easy for me?! if you cared about me you'd have text me!" (or something along those lines) then i broke down crying and told her about my grandad whose been in hostpital recently and that my drug dealer brother wants to come back home, that i stay up till 4am thinking about her and i checked my phone every 5 minutes to check to see if shes text or anything for those 3 weeks NC and that i couldn't deal with the arguing aswell as whats happening in my life. which was the wrong thing to do but i was so emotional at that point, she then said "I've never met anyone so self centred, i love you so much, but i hate you as well! please let me go!"

 

I then tried to phone back stupid i know :/ but it rang straight through and she switched her phone off or blocked my number.

 

We've both said alot of things to each other, things i know we didn't mean during arguments out of anger.

 

Have i ruined any chance of EVEN a friendship with this girl? she's like my best friend and she said i was her's too.

 

I will not contact her for awhile or should i just never contact her again??

 

I didn't tell her I was going NC but she didn't bother to contact me either, she says she did on IM but she has my number she could have text me right? but then again maybe I don't deserve her in my life at all.

 

Yes i know we're both young but what we have or had was so damn good, i had never felt that way about ANYONE before, everything about her just made me feel complete, and now its gone, ruined.

 

The time we shared together in person was so amazing, seriously it was the best time of my life. and i know she felt the same way, her parents even said shes never seen her so happy in a long time, i miss her smile, her lips, her beautiful eyes, her sense of humour, her personality, i miss the way she was always there for me, i miss how she'd laugh at my crappy jokes just to make me happy, i sit here crying wishing she'd just be in my arms again, i wish i could look into her eyes and tell her how much i love and care about her, i wish i could just tell her i held her hand so tightly because i never wanted to let it go.

 

I know i've done other posts containing the same things but i thought everything into one.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I love it how some people try to turn this back on its head.

 

"So when you stopped talking to me for no apparent reason I was worried I had done something wrong."

 

Come on, wtf is this?? If that happened to me my feelings would be, "yeah you did something wrong, you left!!"

 

This sort of thing just ****s me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Yeah I know but it's hard not to think about and miss her, it's even harder knowing we'll probably never talk again :(

 

Anymore insight on this situation people? please?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Jex,

 

It does seem like there is still something between you. I think the main problem is you have issues communicating - you are both sensitive.

 

If you really still are in love with her then tell her. Write her a long email or letter and let her know.

 

But also use the time right now to take a good hard look at yourself and how arguments between you two manifest. What are the triggers? It seems like a lot of the time it's just misunderstanding with communication.

 

When you write her come from a place of compassion, understanding, and humility! Be ready to admit your own faults and how YOU will change.

 

If she's truly worth it, then you will make the effort.

 

I also get the sense that you are both young and may need to just grow up a bit, you know? Young love is fun, but a real rollercoaster.

 

I feel for ya man.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...