JaneS Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 My boyfriend has never had a relationship that has lasted longer than four months - he is 36....red flag? Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 My ex is 36 and never had a relationship lasted longer than 2 years before me. when we reached 2 years she made a point that it was the longest she has been out with someone. Then a few months later things start to change with her. maybe i am reading into things to much but she seems to go through phases every couple of years and move onto new friends from what she told me about what she has done since she left school. Is she chasing the perfect life/relationship or jsut gets bored easily? she makes friends easily but doesnt have any best friends long term and loses touch easily. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 My boyfriend has never had a relationship that has lasted longer than four months - he is 36....red flag? Hard to know without further information. Some guys just have a streak of bad luck when it comes to relationships. Other guys are "chasers" who live for the chase but aren't interested in a committed relationship. If you're making him chase you, you might have attracted a chaser. What's the dynamic between you two like? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneS Posted July 20, 2009 Author Share Posted July 20, 2009 Thanks Adamt and Thaddeus (in fact, Thaddeus...you gave me some good advice the other day actually - still posting about the same guy) He has mental health issues and I am on the brink of calling it all off...maybe it's me searching for reasons to actually do it. Whilst there are many things I like about him, I personally don't think that he is in the right place at present to be in a relationship. I don't feel right about it yet something compels me to stay. I often think that if I end it, he will recover and I will have lost my chance of something good. So so hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Thomas X Forever Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 This is a long shot, and a shot in the dark because you haven't given nearly enough information, but... No relationship longer than 4 months by that age usually equates to a narcissist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneS Posted July 20, 2009 Author Share Posted July 20, 2009 Thomas X Forever.....here's the latest on my situation, hope it gives some context. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t195538/ Thanks for reply Link to post Share on other sites
Thomas X Forever Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 From those few details, it's still far too early for me to really say what he has. But for the hell of it, the most obvious suspicion would be he is bipolar, and possibly narcissistic. I'm weary to say a narcissist though, because that's so truly difficult to REALLY diagnose, but he is reminiscent of one. Alas, you say he is only self focused because of his problems. If he admits he has problems, then that would mean he really couldn't be a narcissist, UNLESS he is ONLY saying he has them SPECIFICALLY to gain sympathy, attention, and be the "victim". If that's the case, he 100% is narcissist, or sociopathic, depending on how you are being "manipulated" for his gain. Give more details on what he does exactly, and what his "mental health issues" are. Or is it just him going from one mood set to the next? Link to post Share on other sites
broken_promises Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Yes, big red flag. (As are your feelings that this might not be right.) Listen to your red flag alerts and run! Sounds like a classic commitment phobe or a guy who is really into the chase but not a relationship. It's just a waste of time to stick around in hopes of what someone could potentially be somewhere down the line. Cut your losses now before you regret it like I did! Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneS Posted July 20, 2009 Author Share Posted July 20, 2009 Thomas X - his mental issues are related to an anxiety disorder. He finds it difficult to relax and has to be 'on the go' constantly to keep his mind focused on things. He admits that he is selfish at times because of the nature of his illness. I just often feel on the outside looking in and that it is a (mostly) one sided relationship. broken_promises - He is definitely not a guy who is into the chase. Commitment phobe neither; I think (and so he has said) that since he has suffered from his mental issues, has found it difficult to sustain a relationship. I appreciate your last comment - that is exactly what I do....'stick around in hopes....' I have held on to other relationships in the past for far too long because of this thought. I need to work on this for the future; in fact, I have a counselling appointment tomorrow as I want to try and deal with this to help me in future. Thank you both Link to post Share on other sites
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