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Ending complicated 5-year relationship


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waiting5years

I have been cohabiting with my boyfriend for the past couple of years and we have been together for a total of 5 years. I was 17 and he was 21 when we met; currently I am 22 and he is 26.

 

I honestly thought that we were soulmates and would get married and have children together in the near future. He said he was on the same page until we moved in together, when he suddenly decided that marriage is "just a piece of paper" and that he never wants children. This is where our problems started, although I never seriously started to consider breaking up with him until about 6 months ago. I kept thinking that he would change his mind again, but things have only gotten worse.

 

Why, then, is this decision so difficult for me? Obviously I love him, although I do not think I'm IN love with him anymore, but I know at this point that I'll be better off without him. I've sacrificed so much for him over the years and have always tried to be the best girlfriend possible, but every time I make an innocent mistake he treats me like I just pissed on his face. I'm talking extreme verbal abuse; he makes me out to be the absolute scum of the earth if I forget something simple, like taking out the trash.

 

He's never romantic anymore, and has been saying that he has the perfect engagement ring picked out for years, but then holds the engagement over my head because he knows how badly I want to marry him--or should I say WANTED to marry him, because all of this has just made me resentful and I'd say no if he asked me now.

 

I simply can't live like this anymore. I've "broken up" with him twice in the last few months but we always make amends within in a couple of hours because I feel guilty!!! And then I'm upset and left wishing that I would've just gone through with it when I was so close. I don't know why I keep torturing myself. I guess I'm scared.

 

Honestly, if we didn't have 2 dogs that we raised from puppies together, I think I would've walked out 6 months ago. It's probably a bad sign that the dogs are what I'm most concerned about; it's easier for me to imagine my life without him than it is my precious dog-kids. He's made it very clear that he would fight me for them because he loves them too, and I have no idea how to handle that. The dogs are very close so I don't want to split them up, and I couldn't choose one over the other... Honestly, for us, it's like splitting up kids or something. I paid for them and pay for all of their food/vet bills/etc, so I guess they technically belong to me. But then I will still feel horrible for taking them because I know how much my boyfriend loves them too...

 

And then I don't even want to think about all of the furniture. I bought about half of the stuff for our house, and he purchased the other half. I honestly think I would just leave all of the material junk at this point, just to avoid more drama and heartache. Let him keep all of the big stuff and just take all of my decorations and knicknacks, you know? The house we're living in was willed to him so there is no mortgage.

 

But I think it's impossible for me to be selfish enough to leave. I need to leave FOR MYSELF and for ME to be truly happy, but all I can think about is if he'll be sad/upset/lonely/angry/etc. Why can't I just let go and look out for myself?

 

I need serious help... advice... something. I have been venting extensively to my family and friends for the past week and all of them are like, "Leave him! You're finally coming to your senses. He's no good for you. You can do SO MUCH BETTER!"

 

I should break it to him this weekend, I really should... But I don't know what to do, or even how to begin moving out should I actually conjure up the courage to leave this time. Right now I wish I never would have met him, that's how bad it is.

 

:lmao:

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You got it all figured out. You got all the right reasons. Youre not in love with him anymore so just tell ghim your leaving, tell him why, let him make his case and then head out thedoor. Maybe you should talk to him first to see if he will improve? You think you could fall in love with him again if he tries to make things better? Really you should have talked to him about your concerns 6 months ago. Thats not fair to him to hold it inside for so long. But if youre going to leave, leave the dogs, the furniture, start fresh. And for christs sake, dont bother with the "friends" crap. If he will try to get back with you, theres no way to be friends. Just get far away.

 

I say it again though, you should give him a chance to make things better, you never did that, you dont mention anything about explaining to him that he needs to change his act to keep you. Dont leave and make him beg when its too late. That would be wrong.

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Thomas X Forever

This is a heavily toxic relationship that NEEDS to be severed.

 

(Assuming you've tried to tell him many times how he's hurting you, and to please try to change, etc.)

 

As long as you've done that, and he hasn't changed, END IT NOW

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