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Move or Stay?


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Hey, if you have read my other thread you will know the story about my heartbreak. Me and my boyfriend of 3 years were living togther in a city that neither of us was originally from with the plan to move back to my home town (which isn't his) at the end of August when our lease is up on our apartment. But him leaving for someone else has put the brakes on that. Anyway, this was two months ago and it is now getting closer to the end of August and I need to decide what to do. Move back home to live with my parents (which is 200 miles away from where we live now) or stay here just because Im not quite ready to give up on us yet. If I am sensible I know I should move back home because I cant afford to live if our apartment on my own and there isnt really anything for me here, a few friends but not very close ones, and being a teacher my job contract ends in the summer and my mum and dad think I need to be with my family at the moment. But he is obviously staying here as he has her now and I am not quite ready to completely walk away from him yet, I want to do it when I am ready too, not because of circumstance. My heart is telling me to stay here where he is at give it a bit more time, but my head is saying to move back home. I think what I am after is reassurance that, if it is meant to be and he does realise he has made a mistake, then it doesnt matter where I am does it? If he really loved me it shouldnt matter if I was even on the other side of the world right?

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200 miles away isn't the end of the world. Leaving would probably give him a more rock-solid realization that he is going to lose you instead of staying in the same town giving him the satisfaction of knowing you're waiting for him. Just because you go back home doesn't mean you've given up. In the age of technology there are still a million ways he could contact you if he changes his mind.

 

Don't put yourself in a tough situation struggling to pay rent and keeping yourself in that place every day wishing he would come back. Go be with family.

 

That's my opinion....

 

I know how you feel. It's been 2 months since my ex broke up with me and I am constantly changing my mind from still wanting to wait for her or moving on completely.

 

Only do what is healthy for you. Do you deep deep down really think this guy is worth waiting for, is he the one you're reallllly supposed to be with? Or are you keeping yourself there because part of your WANTS to feel sad every day and isn't ready to move on? Is there ANY indication that he might come back or are you just fooling yourself?

 

Nobody can really decide for you. There is nothing wrong with waiting for someone if that is truly what your heart desires. But if your brain is pulling you in the complete opposite direction telling you to go home, then you need to really sit down and think about it. Grab a piece of paper and just write out your thoughts.

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Thank you for the advice. I think if I am honest I know I should move back home. We both hate the city we are living in and before this happened I could wait to move back to my home town...but that was when he was meant to be coming with me. I know that if I stay it will only be for him, but then if he decides to move away I would be stuck here for no reason atall. I think I am just dreading the actually day I leave as it will be making it so final. I know he is the 'one' for me and I am a huge believer in fate and 'what will be will be' so I think I just need to know that if its meant to be then it wont matter where I live. I just dont want the distance to put him off if he does change his mind, which is entirely possible.

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If he ends up wanting you back, the distance won't make a bit of difference to him (and you know this, you're just trying to talk yourself out of it). If he was planning to move with you in the first place, he could always move closer to you if you were going to get together again.

 

Yes, the moving out is going to feel final, it will be painful, but that is exactly what you need. You need to say goodbye to this for right now. It's tough enough when people are mentally stuck in a relationship that ended, but you would be physically stuck in a place that reminded you of everything. Don't condemn yourself to living there every day waiting for him to come back. He might, he might not. I promise you if he decides that he loves you, he won't care that you're 200 miles away.

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desertsun09

God do I know exactly how you feel. I am pretty much in the same boat as far as trying to decide to hang around and hope that my ex will return to me, or moving back to a place where i can get the desperately needed support i require at the moment from my family. They are all begging me to come home, but I'm so torn.

 

My situation is different in the fact that i like my job here, i have great friends and hobbies, and like the city, and I am STILL probably going to move home to be with my family because of the mental/physical stress I am going through. It sounds like you don't really like the city, lack of a lot of friends, etc, etc...isn't much of a reason to hang around.

 

I'm familiar with your situation from reading your other posts. I wouldn't bet on this guy coming back unfortunately. I know that is so hard to hear and believe me, I am struggling with the same thing myself, but even if he wanted to come back, I don't think you should ever consider letting this person back in your life. He has treated you so disrespectfully and was just so quick to give up on your relationship for someone else. He makes you feel terrible about yourself. Why keep prolonging the pain? (I should take my own advice)

 

Another option might be to leave and go home to your family right now, maybe for the summer or fall, and then come back in the winter? Is that a possibility? Perhaps that will allow you to get more clarity on the situation. So in the immediate short term, you have family support, but there is always an option to come back if you choose. I'm thnking once you get this guy out of your system, you will have no desire to ever come back there.

 

Best wishes

 

xx

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