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When it doesn't make sense...to you at least.


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When you have no idea what happened between you and your ex, NO closure whatsoever, when will you stop caring about what might have happened? I'm sick of thinking about it everyday. Not only do I not know what happened, but my ex was uncharacteristically mean to me during and after he dumped me unexpectedly. Twice. We've been NC 2 months, broken up 3 months, and I'm so anxious for these wondering thoughts to never enter my head again!

 

I know I should let go of these thoughts, but it's much easier said than done! I keep trying to rationalize what happened in my head, since I have absolutely NO closure, and end up blaming myself. It's really irritating and makes me depressed.

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NiceGuy4Ever

I have been in your situation and it's I guess okay to run the whole thing over again but sadly it's over. Even if you figured out the problem it doesn't seem now that you'll be able to fix it. I would have suggested talking to your ex to find out what exactly happened but since you guys are no longer in contact it's probably best to leave it that way. I'd give my opinion about why he left you but I don't want to keep you in that cycle of guessing. Just distract yourself and look hopefully and optimistically to the future. Hope this helps.

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You may find in time that it will never make sense. Why? Because he and you were obviously thinking differently, and it is difficult to imagine what was going on in his head. You may have handled things differently, that is why it is so frustrating to try to figure out what or why your ex acted in such a fashion.

 

Is it possible that he may have someone else he is interested in? It seems with quick departures that is often the case. And, unfortunately, they do not feel an explanation nor any further discussion is necessary.

 

You will come around to not caring, and perhaps even loathing him for the way he left.

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I know he was not interested in one girl in particular when we broke up, but I think he was/is interested in getting out and hooking up with girls to see what else is out there sine I was his first love, first sexual everything, etc. (Was that your opinion, Niceguy?) Now, however, I'm pretty positive he's interested in just one girl. It hurts a little that I've been replaced and did not choose to be, but I don't care all that much anymore for various reasons.

 

I know that knowing what exactly happened would probably do absolutely nothing for me, it wouldn't change anything. But...I don't know. For some reason, I keep wondering what happened. Who does he think he is?!? ha jk. I do already loathe him. Not for him not wanting to be with me, that's fine. But the way he went about dumping me, both times, and how he acted before, during, and after the breakup period reaaaallly pisses me off now.

 

I wish I could erase him from my memory like he erased me from his life.

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I know how you feel. My breakup was pretty sudden and I was so confused and family and friends tried telling me "you probably will never get the answers you're looking for". Stop beating yourself up and suffering over it. If they weren't adult enough to communicate their true feelings, that's their problem.

 

One day you will suddenly get over it. I can't believe I'm saying that but I experienced it myself. I was thinking and thinking and posting on different forums and then suddenly one day it didn't hurt as bad. I still miss her but she didn't care enough to make it work. Even when I told her "fine don't come back just give me a better explanation so I can understand" she still wouldn't.

 

If you can't get answers from the other person then all you can do is rely on yourself to reflect on what happened, figure out what went wrong, and learn from it.

 

I really hope your day comes soon where you stop wondering about it because I know how painful it can be. :)

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