Unclescam777 Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 Not too long ago my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me, and i was beyond crushed. I really loved her alot(despite her many faults) and i took it very hard. I stopped eating, sleeping, and pretty much functioning. So I began thinking about how people were telling me that time heals even the biggest of wounds. I knew that i wouldn't be able to handle my emotions any more because i was just ready to break into permanent tears, so I made a vow to use drugs for 1 month, then when i come down ill see if the sadness was still there. Well whenever i got sad(many times a day) I'd use drugs and my worries would disappear. I'd then use more drugs and use enough so that i barely felt sadness all month. After a month i got off the drugs and expected for my problems to still remain, just like people say. Amazingly, all my sadness was gone. I thought that maybe it was only because i just quit drugs but its been 3 days and i feel nothing but happiness. I've even talked to my ex and i have no emotion anymore, its so great! I feel as if the world has been lifted off my chest. So now my question: I feel as if i am wrong in not feeling bad. I loved her so much and now only a month later i feel nothing for her. Did drugs really help me or was it time? Maybe the fact that only positive things have happened to me since breaking up with her could contribute to my happiness? Either way I'm glad we're apart...My life is healthier without her. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 Drugs (and alcohol) numb the mind and the emotions and retard the healing process. You may feel OK now because these drugs aren't out of your system now completely. The only way to heal from breaking up with someone you truly loved is to go through the pain and hurt...just like everybody else. If you do get over her very quickly, there was not a lot of depth to the feelings you had for her. If you aren't feeling bad, don't feel bad about it. That's great. Just move on. Maybe you didn't love her as much as you thought. Yes, maybe the drugs did help you...try the same experiment the next time and see if you get the same results. Stop preoccupying yourself with yourself. Move on and make the world a better place. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 Your post reminds me of an article I read recently about some Psychiatrists who have admitted to using MDMA (common name Ecstacy) as a psychotherapeutic for people who have undergone major trauma due to loss of a loved one or family member, or in dealing with being diagnosed with cancer. Their reasoning was that the MDMA allowed them to explore their emotions much more quickly and gain perspective of the truth. I would never condone the use of drugs for such situations, but as I read such articles and your post, it does make me wonder how much element of truth there is in such claims. Personally, I think its a matter of choosing the lesser of two evils. Do we really want a world full of drugged up people who are not willing to deal consciously with what really happens to them. Go Figure! Tony? Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 YOU ASK: "Do we really want a world full of drugged up people who are not willing to deal consciously with what really happens to them. "Reality is the leading cause of stress among those who are in touch with it." - Jane Wagner Perhaps drugs are the way to go....Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs. All kidding aside, learning is very state specific. If the relationship was conducted under the influence of drugs, then the healing process can and should take place the same way. Drug-induced healing in normal situations will not work and does not last. Healing is a learning process and should not be influenced by the use of drugs. Great to see you back around, Oliver....we really miss you when you're away!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 Hey Tony Thankyou for your kindest of words..its always great to chat with you because of your intelligence and reason. I didn't like your response to my well researched post, so I thought I'd help you with some info: http://www.macalester.edu/~psych/whathap/UBNRP/mdma/therapeutic.html Now, if these claims have an element of truth, and there is plenty of research that says so, isn't it disturbing to realise that their may be shortcuts to our own suffering?..I would think if such mind altering (read: opening) drugs were to be approved, a ton of people, and certainly all druggies will jump on the bandwagon to an emotionally pain-free life, in addition to a responsibility-free and love-free life that many have already taken. Certainly when you factor in human cloning, and stem cell derived physical repair (which I regard as a good thing), its scary to think where our society is headed. Soon we will be a society full of hypochondriacs looking to piece together with a calculator (new invention: the health calculator!) the best way to live a pain-free, physically dominant, emotionally absent life as long as we can. Will science destroy our spirit at the end of the day?. What do you think? Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 I read the information on the site and saw no conclusive evidence that MDMA is predictably useful in minimizing emotional paid or speeding the healing process...except perhaps in rats....and I am quite happy for them. MDMA seems to have a number of adverse side effects in humans that have not been fully explored. However, I am all for experimentation with any safe drug that can with certainty minimize or eliminate the pain and hurt attendent to break-ups. I am fully supportive of this research. Perhaps MDMA will be the drug of choice...but it isn't yet. Until the time comes when we can take a pill and eliminate all our emotional ills, I will stand by my earlier post. I also must assert that any drug potent enough to erase memory to minimize our response to emotional pain has got to have a dramatic effect on neurotransmitters and other parts of the brain which affect emotional memory. I think that could be dangerous. Again, perhaps medical science will create a pill which is very specific to emotions...and, even then, just how much memory will it erase. I think this sort of experimentation can be dangerous. I would not take such a pill. I prefer to feel the pain and deal with it without screwing with my brain. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 I would not take such a pill. I prefer to feel the pain and deal with it without screwing with my brain. I completely agree with that part of your reply Tony, but I'd go further and say I wouldn't even support the research. Its like everything in life, if you are not in touch with the joys and sorrows of the world you have no perspective...and importantly will not be able to empathise with anyone else. So such a drug has frightening possibilties. Just as we begin to move towards true understanding of each other through the internet, globalisation and integration of our cultures, something like this could stuff it all up. Look how unhappy many of the druggie Hollywoods folks become if they never experience life as a human being should. Thanks for the discussion Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 I agree totally with what you have written above, Oliver! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unclescam777 Posted January 2, 2003 Author Share Posted January 2, 2003 For the record I used Marijuana, Coke, Valium, and uh....hydrocodine. I'd try MDMA but I don't trust the people who sell it, too many dirty drugs with X. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 I think if I used marijuana, cocaine, Valium and hydocodine, I could probably quickly get over losing my penis while being fried in a nuclear holocaust. Breaking up with a chick would mean nothing at all. Hey, man, whut's happnin'? Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 This is an interesting issue. The research does seem inconclusive at best. As far as people dealing with cancer & unexpected loss of loved ones (neither of which I have much experience with yet, knock on wood) maybe the drugs help, as Oliver suggests, accelerate the processing of emotions around traumatic events. So in that context maybe it would be useful. Truly traumatic events, that is, not merely unhappy moments that are melodramatically inflated into devastating disasters, which we are all inclined to do when we break up with someone we cared for. Or thought we cared for? For some reason, and maybe I'm totally off-base here, I get the sense that drugs helped Unclescam by providing a chunk of distance from the relationship. If he'd instead gone off on a five-week adventure trip, or undertaken some mammoth, all-consuming project, he might have achieved the same thing. If the relationship was really just stopping a gap in his life, or allowing him to avoid issues that he wasn't ready to deal with, the hardest part of breaking up would be no longer having the relationship to shield him from those things. It wouldn't be the loss of the relationship itself, but rather the loss of the protection it provided. He'd just need to find other ways to cope with the things the relationship had been shielding him from. Unclescam, you seem to be expressing some guilt about this ... is the guilt really about the drugs, or perhaps because you've found that you were in a relationship for the wrong reasons? Two years of your time & her time, going through what you describe as a crushing break-up, resorting to drug use (which, regardless of whether or not it helped you get over the break-up, is not the wisest choice for your short term or long term health) -- for what? For someone that you realize now you're better off without? That would make me pause. It shouldn't though. If you've grown and changed through the experiences you had in that relationship, it wasn't a waste of time. I'm not at all experienced with drugs so maybe I'm speaking out of turn, but it seems to me like the thing you ought to be a bit worried about is whether you're too dependent on drugs when you need to sort things out. I'm glad it worked for you this time (or seemed to), but it's a very risky proposition. Every person is different, every situation is different, I know. Some people are occasional drug users and don't seem to suffer adverse effects. But drugs are not to be toyed with, and if you've got a cavalier attitude about them, you ought to be concerned. If drug or alcohol dependence is present in your family or among your friends, you ought to be concerned. Being in an environment that makes it seem normal or reasonably safe does not mean that it is. Sorry, I'll get off my soapbox now. It's just a little scary! Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 I agree the use of MDMA for major Trauma like you listed would be beneficial. In this case you bring the life back to the person who may otherwise suffer for 30 years plus. Under controlled prescription by specialists it may work. The problem lies in the fact that if its effectiveness is endorsed by the FDA, the fact that it is a ubiquitous drug means that on the street it will be sold as the 'problem solver'. "If your dog dies or your manicure goes wrong here's the solution man!". I can see it's debut on the Osbornes already Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 YOU WRITE: "I can see it's debut on the Osbornes already." The Osbournes have problems no drug will ever solve!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unclescam777 Posted January 3, 2003 Author Share Posted January 3, 2003 Unclescam, you seem to be expressing some guilt about this ... is the guilt really about the drugs, or perhaps because you've found that you were in a relationship for the wrong reasons? I think the more I think about it the more i realize that I stayed in the relationship too long. Thats also why i may be over her so quickly...i sensed our breakup months prior to it happening and took alot of emotional damage then. Oh btw, there is no dependancy to drugs, I'm back to the way i was before the breakup(still smoke marijuana, though not as much, and nothing else) Link to post Share on other sites
Bizzit Posted January 4, 2003 Share Posted January 4, 2003 Originally posted by Unclescam777 Not too long ago my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me, and i was beyond crushed. I really loved her alot(despite her many faults) and i took it very hard. I stopped eating, sleeping, and pretty much functioning. So I began thinking about how people were telling me that time heals even the biggest of wounds. I knew that i wouldn't be able to handle my emotions any more because i was just ready to break into permanent tears, so I made a vow to use drugs for 1 month, then when i come down ill see if the sadness was still there. Well whenever i got sad(many times a day) I'd use drugs and my worries would disappear. I'd then use more drugs and use enough so that i barely felt sadness all month. After a month i got off the drugs and expected for my problems to still remain, just like people say. Amazingly, all my sadness was gone. I thought that maybe it was only because i just quit drugs but its been 3 days and i feel nothing but happiness. I've even talked to my ex and i have no emotion anymore, its so great! I feel as if the world has been lifted off my chest. So now my question: I feel as if i am wrong in not feeling bad. I loved her so much and now only a month later i feel nothing for her. I cant understand how drugs made the true feelings inside you go away with turning to the use of drugs. Did drugs really help me or was it time? Time I would think eased the pain of what you was feeling Maybe the fact that only positive things have happened to me since breaking up with her could contribute to my happiness? Mabey it wasnt the drugs that made you better after all Either way I'm glad we're apart...My life is healthier without her. I hope that your still doing good with your break up as I have just been broken up with and have very seriously started thinking about the use of Ecstacy for the pain Im having:( Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unclescam777 Posted January 5, 2003 Author Share Posted January 5, 2003 You know I am a firm believer that drugs CAN help aid depression/sadness, at least the more I think about it the more firmly I believe that. After all drugs do have a purpose other than getting you high. In fact, many illegal drugs that are taken today were developed for medicinal purposes, they just were deemed too dangerous for medical use. Just keep in mind that the correct dosage for getting high is completely different than the amount needed to heal emotional wounds. What this means is that in very low amounts marijuana can be used to help many conditions, such as depression, ADD, and anxiety disorders, all without the people ever getting high. Extracting THC and putting it in pills could work... Anyway thats just one example. All drugs have medical benefits at proper dosages, illegal or legal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unclescam777 Posted January 5, 2003 Author Share Posted January 5, 2003 Bah, he removed half of my post for inappropriate content. *sigh* oh well, i guess you won't get to hear my example. Anyway I am very sorry to hear that you are suffering pit. Nobody deserves to have their heart broken. I hope things work out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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