How to act if my ex contacts me?

[01golf]

My ex dumped me, and I feel like she still loves me, but needs space to work on herself (She's in Europe, I explained a lot of it in my other post)

 

Anyways, I've been good about no contact, I feel if there's any chance of us getting back together when she gets back, I must leave her alone. Also, if I want to heal I must leave her alone; either way its the smart idea, and I have not made any effort to do so.

 

However, she, after about two weeks, tried to talk to me, feeling guilty, and missing me, her best friend.

 

I was kind of 'cold' to her, but not with the intent of being mean. I answered her questions, but I told her we didn't really need to talk yet (she hadn't gotten a letter I'd sent her yet)

 

 

But what should I do if this happens in the future? I mean, shouldn't I be the one 'begging and groveling?' It's really confusing having her worried about me at times, and I still would like to have her back, but I'm not pursuing her. How should I respond, or should I respond?

[Alex_M]

Don't answer any calls or messages unless it's with the message "I want to get back together.)

 

Seriously you gain nothing replying, no matter how bad you want to.

 

You could possibly tell her next time she calls about why you havnt answered that "she broke up with you"

 

But yeah for you're own personal gain and if you REALLY want to think about getting back together (even though it's so unhealthy but nothing I say will stop you) just don't talk to her it really doesn't help yourself. When she realises she's F'ked up and what it's really like without you the yeah.

 

I made the mistake of keeping communications open as much as possible and you know what? It really really pushes them away because they just get the annoying part of the relationship when they arn't even in one. Sure they'll miss you but they won't understand what it's like when you're gone.

[EllieBean]

If she contacts you, ignore her, unless she wants to talk about relationship-type stuff (missing you, wanting you back, etc). You don't want her to think the door is closed, but equally you don't want to communicate with her unless it's about a possible reunion. If she misses you, tell her you miss her too but obviously you respect her decision to end the relationship. Don't let her think you don't want her back, but don't be her backup guy who she can easily fall back on either.

[Ronni_W]

, shouldn't I be the one 'begging and groveling?'

Actually nobody "should be" begging and groveling, at any time, no matter WHAT the circumstances.

 

I agree with the others, to not break n/c just to satisfy HER need for (inconsequential) contact.

 

If you find it impossible to not respond to whatever she messages you, then do keep it 'cordial' without getting all 'friendly'. (But if you can, do your best to just stay total n/c even if she does initiate contact with you.