chrissreef Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 So she's the one that requested NC, cheated and called it off and wants "space" to "get to know herself" (meanwhile she's dating that guy for almost 3 months now) and then I get a text message first thing when she got to work "happy birthday!!!" I know she cares about me and has said she wants me in her future in some form (friends or more, she's "unsure" right now) - would this text basically mean she "cares" about me and is being polite basically? If she was absolutely done with me and never wanted to see me again, she wouldn't text me right? Not looking for "hope", just trying to understand why an ex would do that. Link to post Share on other sites
mlh5046 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Ya, I was in a situation like yours she found out I had mono and texted me to just say "I heard you were sick I hope you feel better". Honestly I think they still care about us, and just in case we hit the lottery they know they'll have a shot with us, jk. But seriously I think 2 things. One is they still care about you but the attraction is gone, I mean you cannot just not care about someone after a long relationship, unless you are totally heartless. Even if its contact minimally, I am sure theyd be glad to hear you're doing well. Second is that they want to minimize their guilt for hurting you. And slowly over time I am sure it has to bother some people that they hurt someone. I know if I ever did to my ex what she did to me, I would be hurting pretty badly. In fact I don't think I ever would have had the balls to break her heart even if I felt it was the right thing for myself personally. So maybe shes thinking if I give him a couple of tidbits now and then he won't hate me for what I did. There are a million things it could mean man, I went through the same thing. It was killing me so bad. She would mess with me. So I have a blueprint for this, unless she says something important that you would understand like " I am sorry", or I still care about you, or I miss you, or I wanna have lunch ,then let it go. Especially if she cheated as you said, don't let her get to you unless she is clear on what she wants. Just take her statements as normal everyday things. I would only respond if you feel really compelled. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chrissreef Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 Thanks... I replied with "thanks!" I wanted to say how i was in disney world having fun just to make her jealous. the closest thing i've gotten was two weeks age (2 month mark) is "thanks and i do love you"... everythuing else about needing space, us maybe dating in the future, the guy would be easy to break up with, she can't date two at once because it confuses her... those are proabably BS statements saying she feels guilty and doesn't want to own up to what she did... plus you know how girls are so indecisive grrr. Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Thanks... I replied with "thanks!" I wanted to say how i was in disney world having fun just to make her jealous. the closest thing i've gotten was two weeks age (2 month mark) is "thanks and i do love you"... everythuing else about needing space, us maybe dating in the future, the guy would be easy to break up with, she can't date two at once because it confuses her... those are proabably BS statements saying she feels guilty and doesn't want to own up to what she did... plus you know how girls are so indecisive grrr. She might want to be easing her guilt, and might still just care how you are doing, hence the text. Unless she's coming to the table with an apology and a request to spend time with you, and she made a mistake, then everything else is breadcrumbs Texts are an easy way out of actually having to talk face to face and own up to actions and be direct. Don't accept anything less, you deserve much more than she's given you. Link to post Share on other sites
Ingenue Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Most likely your ex is trying to assuage her own sense of guilt while being able to convince herself that she's actually still a good person despite breaking up with you. My ex did the same to me. He wished me a happy birthday about 2 weeks after dumping me by email. When I later spoke to him 5 months later, he told me that he emailed me the birthday greeting because he was having second thoughts and because he was having problems with the woman he was dating. Your ex doesn't deserve a minute of your time Link to post Share on other sites
Truly Lost Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 The text means what it means, "Happy Birthday". Nothing more. She just wanted to let you know. It was a nice gesture. Kind of a friendship thing. Don't read into it. Link to post Share on other sites
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