Out of touch I need some ...

[Knight_Ctrl]

I know I haven't been posting much lately, mostly because I think I've lost all modivation to do just about anything. Here is a brief background on what happened with my ex.

 

8 months of no fighting or anything, relationship bliss. October comes and she starts getting distant. Starts talking to a friend of mine, A LOT. I worry after a while but don't try and stress it to much, she says its nothing. Few weeks later I catch them cuddling together on her couch we fight. A month goes by of her stringing me along telling me she doesn't think were right for each other. And her and this other guy NEVER stop talking....texting constantly while were out on dates and stuff. Twice in this month she tells me "I've made up my mind. I want to be with you". All the while she maintains that this friend of mine has nothing to do with it. The end of November comes...she dumps me. 2 weeks later she is dating my friend...they've been together since.

 

Yes I've done NC, yes its been broken once or twice. Yes I want to kick the absolute living **** out of this "Ex-friend" of mine....maybe I am slowly getting over her.

 

But not when they come to see the same damn movie I'm at. I was at the watchmen and her and her new slab of man come waltzing in. They both look at me, and it feels like I've been stabbed in the face. I keep having dreams about them. Them together, her and I working it out, me killing this other guy. It just doesn't stop. I can't get the image of them together out of my head.

 

Its ridiculous, they don't deserve to be happy together. I was the only one NOT lying, backstabbing, conniving or otherwise being dishonest in any way in this mess of a love triangle I somehow found myself in back then. And nothing has been the same since.

 

I just need some advice you guys....I don't know what to do anymore.

[splintered thing]

Its ridiculous, they don't deserve to be happy together. I was the only one NOT lying, backstabbing, conniving or otherwise being dishonest in any way in this mess of a love triangle I somehow found myself in back then. And nothing has been the same since.

 

I just need some advice you guys....I don't know what to do anymore.

 

"Deserve" is a meaningless word, and you'll only frustrate yourself by trying to pretend that life has ever cared what somebody did or didn't deserve. You don't like the hand you've been dealt this week? Go shuffle a few things and start over; worrying about what you did or didn't deserve will only waste your time and energy.

 

As to dealing with the break-up, get used to it. When you go to a movie theater, you know you're setting yourself up for smelling a lot of popcorn and stepping on a few sticky spots on the way to your seat--either don't let that stuff stop you from enjoying the movie or don't go.

 

If you want to have romantic relationships, getting dumped is part of the job description. Did you enjoy the time you had together? Did you gain something positive from the relationship? Relationships don't have to be forever to be successful; all that's necessary is that you gained something positive to add to your life experience.

 

You cared about her and you cared about your friend. Wish them whatever happiness they can find together and then go find some more for yourself. That's a far lighter burden to carry than ten tons of resentment and anger.

[northstar1]

I know I haven't been posting much lately, mostly because I think I've lost all modivation to do just about anything. Here is a brief background on what happened with my ex.

 

8 months of no fighting or anything, relationship bliss. October comes and she starts getting distant. Starts talking to a friend of mine, A LOT. I worry after a while but don't try and stress it to much, she says its nothing. Few weeks later I catch them cuddling together on her couch we fight. A month goes by of her stringing me along telling me she doesn't think were right for each other. And her and this other guy NEVER stop talking....texting constantly while were out on dates and stuff. Twice in this month she tells me "I've made up my mind. I want to be with you". All the while she maintains that this friend of mine has nothing to do with it. The end of November comes...she dumps me. 2 weeks later she is dating my friend...they've been together since.

 

Yes I've done NC, yes its been broken once or twice. Yes I want to kick the absolute living **** out of this "Ex-friend" of mine....maybe I am slowly getting over her.

 

But not when they come to see the same damn movie I'm at. I was at the watchmen and her and her new slab of man come waltzing in. They both look at me, and it feels like I've been stabbed in the face. I keep having dreams about them. Them together, her and I working it out, me killing this other guy. It just doesn't stop. I can't get the image of them together out of my head.

 

Its ridiculous, they don't deserve to be happy together. I was the only one NOT lying, backstabbing, conniving or otherwise being dishonest in any way in this mess of a love triangle I somehow found myself in back then. And nothing has been the same since.

 

I just need some advice you guys....I don't know what to do anymore.

 

Hey Knight.

Sorry to hear you are feeling down. I know about the dreams.

 

I'm not going to villainize your ex, but it sounds like she wasn't the most honest of people.

 

You mention how you are not motivated to do anything right now. That's your first challenge, to make yourself busy and find some focus.

 

As they say, the devil finds work for ilde hands to do. Cliched, but true.

The longer you sit around, not doing much, the more time you will spend thinking about things, and it becomes a hard habit to break.

 

I'd start by writing down some goals for yourself. Short, medium and long term.

Things like:

 

Finding a new job (I think you mentioned you had lost yours)

Take courses or something towards what you want to do. Whether it's now, or the summer/fall. Start planning.

Taking up a sport or joining a sports group or activity. A good way to meet people and get in better shape

DOing something you always wanted to do (Skydiviing, photography, mountain biking, whatever it is) and that you can focus on to do this spring.

Some travel plans (whether it's this year or down the road).

 

Having some goals will lead to motivation to accomplish those,and you'll feel better as you work towards them.

Just get yourself out of the house as much as possible.

[Tryng2Trust08]

You cared about her and you cared about your friend. Wish them whatever happiness they can find together and then go find some more for yourself. That's a far lighter burden to carry than ten tons of resentment and anger.

 

Thats is exactly right....having forgivesness and truly moving on is the best gift you can give yourself, and it feels so much better than anger.