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heart breaking in 2 :(


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Hey guys. It will be a year next month that I've been with my bf and weve been living together for 6 months. I really, truly love him. He is my first love and pretty much my best friend. That's why this is so hard for me.

Over the past while, things have gone downhill. It started in the summer when i found out he was sending explicit emails to a girl online. I called it off for awhile but took him back and we moved in together a few months later. He really did get his act together when we moved in with eachother and we were very happy. However, he smokes a lot of weed and spends a lot of money on this habit. I've hit a rough patch with my job where my hours got cut dramatically and i barely have enough to pay rent. He now fights with me over food (eg, freaking out if i drink the last of the milk). Its hard on me cause I've had anorexia since I was 13, and though im better now, food issues are still touchy. He hates all of my friends and they dont care for him either. We fight a lot, especially in the morning he says I'm annoying and pushes me around but I know I'm also to blame on this for maybe not leaving him alone when hes not in the best of humour. My friends and parents both want me to leave him but I'm scared. He was with me through a lot of crap and I'm not sure how he or i will deal if i break up with him. I still love him a great deal and i don't want to be all alone, but the relationship isnt functioning for me anymore. I think about leaving and sometimes it makes me happy but other times it makes me sad to not be with him and hold him. It hurts the most when I think about the little things like staying up late and watching our shows or seeing him before i leave for work. He stuck with me while I quit drinking and bettered myself and i think maybe i should be there for him when hes ready to change. I don't know anymore!

I know leaving is probably the right thing to do it just feels so permanent and were both gonna be hurting and its the last thing i want to do. sorry for the long post but i was just wondering if anyone had any advice or maybe simlar experiences. sometimes i just wish i never met him and got so close and fell in love cause maybe now it wouldnt feel like leaving him was like losing half of my heart.:lmao: thanks for hearing me out

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