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Why am I upset about our break up 7 months later?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Old 6th February 2009, 11:13 AM   #1
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Question Why am I upset about our break up 7 months later?

My ex and I dated for over 4 years, we met freshman year in college and remained together the entire time. We broke up a few times due to his party all the time lifestyle and not seeming to care too much about me. However, he always came crawling back. after we graduated, he was very difficult to get along with. i brought him to a wedding and we broke up that night i guess. We just stopped talking for months.

I ended up getting myself right into another relationship and i fell for him fast and wanted nothing to do with my other ex. However, after 4 months we had to end things, against our wishes due to him having a child and needing to figure things out with his ex. It took me a few months to get over him. However, this relationship helped me see i can fall for someone else, and be happy and treated the way I deserve to be treated.

Now that I am single, I am upset over my ex from my 4 year relationship and i want him back. Comes to find out he is dating someone else which blew my mind because he always wants to be "single." When we were together he never wanted to use the term bf/gf and it was hard to accept that that is what we were (he would get angry if i said friends with benefits, because "feelings" were involved") The thing is he always seemed to not want to get too close to me, would never say "i love you". He has emotional issues from growing up but it was still hard for me to handle. Now, with this new girl it has only been a few months and he completely fell for her and he never treated me this way. I have talked to him a few times, to be friends, but he told me it is hard to be just friends because he cares about me, and things have been hard for him the past few months.

I am confused as to why, so much time later i miss him again when i was fine for so long. He was my first serious relationship, so can that explain why I can never seem to get over him? I have been through a few break ups with him and I have never gotten over him. Even after getting over a breakup with someone else, i still go back to missing him. Will i ever get over him completely?
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Old 7th February 2009, 10:09 AM   #2
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I'm probably not the best to give advice on getting over people as I'm only a short time past my own breakup, but here's what I'm hoping/praying/throwing pennies into the well for:

-I don't ever want to forget because I don't want to be a robot. He shouldn't be able to take my emotions with him

-I'll always have feelings there but every day they will hurt less and less and someday it won't actually hurt but just be "a bad day i had a while back"

People are always telling me you can't live with regrets or what if or shoulda coulda woulda...but for me thats easier said than done. I think the issue is when you let life stop at those moments. I don't see anything wrong with looking back on good times in your life. I also don't think it means you're "stuck" on that person if you think fondly of them.

And hey you're a human being! Sorry but I get p-o'd at people saying "You should just be happy that your ex is happy"...Ok so that makes you the bad guy for not throwing them a party. I don't buy that. That may not be the nicest way to think but if nothing else its just being honest with yourself. Should you go tp his place and egg his car? ...maybe...No, no I take that back sorry just daydreaming

My point is that maybe instead of fighting and trying to push down the fact that you cared deeply for this person at one time and labeling yourself abnormal for ever thinking of them you can accept that it was a good time once but your life didn't stop then and you can keep getting past the hurt.

...now if you find yourself breaking into his place and stealing dirty socks just to have his scent close to you...then that's a whole other deal
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Old 7th February 2009, 1:11 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chelle9203 View Post
My ex and I dated for over 4 years, we met freshman year in college and remained together the entire time. We broke up a few times due to his party all the time lifestyle and not seeming to care too much about me. However, he always came crawling back. after we graduated, he was very difficult to get along with. i brought him to a wedding and we broke up that night i guess. We just stopped talking for months.

I ended up getting myself right into another relationship and i fell for him fast and wanted nothing to do with my other ex. However, after 4 months we had to end things, against our wishes due to him having a child and needing to figure things out with his ex. It took me a few months to get over him. However, this relationship helped me see i can fall for someone else, and be happy and treated the way I deserve to be treated.

Now that I am single, I am upset over my ex from my 4 year relationship and i want him back. Comes to find out he is dating someone else which blew my mind because he always wants to be "single." When we were together he never wanted to use the term bf/gf and it was hard to accept that that is what we were (he would get angry if i said friends with benefits, because "feelings" were involved") The thing is he always seemed to not want to get too close to me, would never say "i love you". He has emotional issues from growing up but it was still hard for me to handle. Now, with this new girl it has only been a few months and he completely fell for her and he never treated me this way. I have talked to him a few times, to be friends, but he told me it is hard to be just friends because he cares about me, and things have been hard for him the past few months.

I am confused as to why, so much time later i miss him again when i was fine for so long. He was my first serious relationship, so can that explain why I can never seem to get over him? I have been through a few break ups with him and I have never gotten over him. Even after getting over a breakup with someone else, i still go back to missing him. Will i ever get over him completely?

I have read that grief/loss is like a rollercoaster with ups and downs. You are going through a down period of the loss.

I also read at some point that sometimes around the six month mark it can the loss can come on strong. I don't know why. Did something trigger it for you. Something that related to him, like a birthday, wedding or something?
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