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Hey all,

I just want to share my recent break up of my ex/gf of 14 months. We just broke it off last night...Yea I know. Ouch! Anyway, I'm hurting so bad right now. But I saw it coming a while back. The reason I didn't do anything is because I always thought that we could work things out. And another reason was because I didn't want to feel like I'm feeling right now. But she broke it off with me. She told me that due to her personal/career problems, she thought it would be best to stay as friends. She told me (and I agreed) that she was bringing me down with her. In another words, her problems were affecting me in a way that it was making me unhappy with her. The reason I'm finding it hard is because she is my best friend. And I'm hers. But I guess that's good too.

 

I just can't see myself right now with someone else. and I can't see her with someone else. She told me and I believed her that there was no one besides me. And she told me that she just wanted to be by herself right now. So we're taking it day by day but we're not together anymore.

 

So my question and advice is this: do you guys think that I should stay friends with her? I mean keep doing the same things we use to do? (Some but not all) We work out in the gym together and hung out on the weekends. I hung with her at her house tonight and we just talked but I was still shocked and sad at the fact that we're not together anymore. I asked her if she was happy or relieved about breaking up and she told me that she wasn't happy but she didn't want to hurt me. Although she said that she was a little bit relieved due to the stress everything was building on her. Oh by the way, I'm 22 and she's 24. I'm in school and she has her degree and is currently working full-time.

 

I must say that we never based this relationship on sex. Even though I must admit that it became an issue to me later in the relationship. But even if we didn't have sex, I loved her company and loved being around her. I hope to hear from you guys..and ladies. Thank you.

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Its very hard to find answers after a break up. Whats the truth behind the separation? Do you stay friends? Are the same feelings we have for each other still there?

 

Those are the questions that you will continue to ask yourself as long as you stay "friends". I'm not saying don't be her friend. Stay friends if its legitimate. However, the feelings and emotions you have for her will not subside without distancing yourself from her.

 

You could maintain a limited amount of contact with her. Hanging out at her house like you did last night would be a big no no. Keep lines of communication open and give yourself the space, the room to heal. This can only be accomplished by distance.

 

The more time you spend with her the longer it takes to heal. You know this but will continue to be at her beck and call. At least thats what I imagine about you. Don't! Don't be there for her all the time. I know when your the dump-e and not the dumper both sides are completely different. You need to remember that you cannot have feelings like you for her anymore. When she calls you up to spend time with you, you will be having thoughts your not supposed to have like falling in love.

 

It will be hard, that much I can promise. Either way you look! Spend less time together and more time with yourself and that is the cure!

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The reason I agreed on hanging out with her or act like "friends" is because she told me that she still wants me to be a part of her life. I fully understand what you're saying to me. But I guess it is kind of hard to accept the break up. But let me ask you this. Why would she ask me to still be friends? Does she really want to just be friends for ever or maybe she just wants some time by herself and maybe later on if things get better for her personal/career life, then maybe we can try this again?

 

I agree that I should spend less time with her. I probably will. Some of my friends told me to just "ride along with it". Meaning, give her space, spend less time with her, and go out. I guess our problem was that we were getting suffocated because we were spending too much time together. I'm a little angry at her because all she had to say is we need to spend some time apart. I would have done so.

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Well, I wouldn't be there for her like you used to. You will more than likely not be able to rid the emotions by being friends. She may want to be your friend so that when she feels ready again for a r/s you would be there. I went through that for a couple of years with a guy I was in love with and who was a friend but only wanted me at times. Its was pain and torture and something I look back on and am not proud of.Don't put yourself through that.

 

You should only see her or spend time with her when its a coincidence that your together. An accident. Don't make plans to see each other. Just look at it like you will always be friends and you should tell her that but it does not mean that you plan on get tog-ethers with each other.

 

It hurts because your healing. Not everything in life is pleasant. You have to stare these uncomfortable emotions down in the face. Be strong, move on. When she calls you may need to make excuses or just tell her that its painful for you. Anyway you look at it, don't avoid or don't deny yourself whats best for you. It definitely is not best to indulge yourself in her at any cost. Be careful with what you do. It should be to back off completely from her.

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is to just cut if off - like ripping a bandaid off of your skin - quick, fast, stings but not an agonizing deal.

 

the only way you'll heal is to be completely cut off from her. then you can start forming memories without her and get to know other people. otherwise you are torturing yourself.

 

my motto is - no regrets and don't look back.

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I've been trying to do that for weeks now, finally, I've decided its never gonna happen. I guess it depends on the person, but being friends with an ex is probably the hardest thing you'll ever do...IF its even possible.

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Hey,

I just want to thank all of your opinions. I know what to do know. It won't be easy but I guess it was just not meant to be. I think I'm starting to accept that now. It's kinda weird cause we just broke up. Well, again, thanks.

 

Luis

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I would say that it's goin to be very difficult to be just friends with her...coz u know that your feelings will still get in the way...

Since she's the one who broke it off with you, maybe you are thinking that by being friends, you might trigger a second chance right?

 

Well, it's normal human behaviour, ppl don't give up without a fight...or an last attempt to save the relationship...

 

What I'm trying to say is that if you really want to be just normal friends with her, give yourself and her some time, to cool things off, and get over a little...before you start to be friends with her.

 

Jo. :)

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