Ally Boo Posted August 21, 2002 Share Posted August 21, 2002 Hey yall, I just wanted to give you a little insight on what's going on in my life right now. I left Michael Monday, moved out and got my own place. This is the second time we've split up within the past few weeks. I'm going to be really busy with my new place, and because my personal computer is from what I understand, really messed up, I probably won't be getting on here. Plus, another reason is that Michael gets on here to get an insight into who I am. I never told him about this site....he watched me online and found it on his own, which kinda upset me, bc I considered this my "haven." Anyway, he's a good guy, I'm just not ready or a relationship right now. Still getting over my divorce, and my ex boyfriend, and he wants more of me than I can give him, and it's not fair to either one of us. I really don't want an ex boyfriend reading all my personal rantings. I don't want to hurt him any more than I already have, and I can't keep him from this site, all I can do is keep me from this site. If yall wanna talk to me please email me! Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted August 21, 2002 Share Posted August 21, 2002 This would be exactly why I keep some personal info COMPLETELY personal. No one who knows me ever has come to this site. I know exactly who has my cell phone number, and it's only people that were close. My website as well is a personal spot. Most of my rantings are in the news there, and there is even more personal info there! That is something that I'd never post anywhere. Only ONE other person has my other important email address. Now, what I find more disturbing is that your "Michael" has joined this site on his own free will. Your postings from before he was here are obviously something he should NOT read. Also, the postings while he was here must be censored, because he could read them. You can't post your true thoughts. I could only think of one person right now that could read anything i've posted on here and be fine with it. Shame on you Michael. Maybe you had good intentions, but you have removed a security blanket. We all have our personal space, which should not be violated by anyone, but you have crossed over the line that she has set. Link to post Share on other sites
Ashe Posted August 22, 2002 Share Posted August 22, 2002 It's too bad that your "haven" isn't truly your own anymore. Everybody needs something which is just theirs, whether it's a friend to talk to or a place like this. Michael should realize this for himself. I do hope that you don't keep yourself too busy with things. I know what it's like to be on the other side of that, and what I've discovered is that unless someone really - and I mean really - deals with their feelings they won't be okay for another relationship. Take the time to deal with it and definitely don't keep yourself too busy to prevent you from dealing with your feelings. I hope you find a way to come back - I always found your posts to be insightful. Best of luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ally Boo Posted August 22, 2002 Author Share Posted August 22, 2002 Michael read that post and sent me a PM saying that I did tell him about this site. I did...I was on the computer, he was all like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I said, "I'm on Love Shack." Then I go in the hospital and he tells me about all my posts he's read and what he thinks about them. I guess he did an internet search on "love shack." He doesn't consider this invading, and when I found out I was irritated, but I didn't make a big deal about it, because it was already done. In the PM he told me that he wouldn't have looked had he known how much it bothered me. But all it takes is a click as a guest and I'd never know if he was on it or not. As far as moving on goes....I honestly don't know how to deal with them. I've tried to make appointments with therapists but, one of them has a 3 month waiting list, and then when it came down to it, I didn't get support from Michael and my best friend...they told me I didn't need it. I'm seriously thinking about joining a church and talking with a counseler there...because my insurance only covers like 10 therapist visits a year. I really don't want to get off Love Shack, bc I find it helps me a lot. I just don't know what to do. Again, Michael isn't a bad person, he just makes assumptions and he assumed that I wouldn't care, I guess. But Bill, I do have to admit, that since I found out he was coming on here, I totally watched everything I'd say. One time he even printed out a post from someone on here thinking it was me, it was a lot of drama. I feel bad because I've really hurt him by leaving twice in like 2 weeks, and he took me back last time with open arms and no second thoughts...and he would probably do it now if I wanted him to. But I can't hide from my unsettled past anymore, and he has the philosophy "The best way to cure a divorce is to get re-married." And I'm tired of running from and drowning my feelings. I won't even tell him where I've moved, and I know it hurts him, because he doesn't understand why I have to do this alone and why I'm shutting the door on our relationship. But, I just don't want to be with him, I CAN'T be with him. No matter how I try to explain it, he won't understand. I just feel like I have a child inside of me that is throwing a tantrum saying PAY ATTENTION TO ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ....and that's what I'm doing. It's just hard. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted August 22, 2002 Share Posted August 22, 2002 sounds like you've really got a plateful of things to deal with, but please don't get so uncomfortable that you won't post here. your idea to look into church counseling is a good one. You also might try calling your local crisis center or women's shelter and see if they have a list of counselors who consult patients and charge on a sliding scale based upon your income. Or do an internet search on your town, see what counselors are listed and start checking into that. There are resources available, even if you have to do a little legwork to find them. ah, if it were that simple to just go from one intense relationship into another and have the first one's problems all solved! But everyone needs down time to adjust, so hopping from the frying pan and into the fire, relationship-wise, just doesn't cut it. and I've always said that if two people are meant to be, they'll find a way to handle time and distance apart, because while it might be hard on the outset, it helps strengthen that relationship. good luck, Ally. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ally Boo Posted August 22, 2002 Author Share Posted August 22, 2002 I think that ultimately counseling is the only way I'll get through it. Can they do much work in just 10 sessions?? I feel like I have way too many issues LOL Link to post Share on other sites
aquarius Posted August 23, 2002 Share Posted August 23, 2002 I've heard you can get low cost counseling from universities. Perhaps you should make that appointment even if it is three months down the road. The wait will only get worse and I know sometimes I use it as an excuse not to take action. You haven't called all of the counselors right? Keep trying! You know what you want to do, push yourself to get it done. See what happens in 10 sessions. Perhaps you can find the money to continue or get suggestions from your couselor. Link to post Share on other sites
sissy Posted August 28, 2002 Share Posted August 28, 2002 I can tell you from personal experience that a good therapist is worth whatever you have to pay for it. They are totally objective and you never have to sensor anything you say. In my experience, I am very close to my mom and sister, but in my emotionally confused state, I couldn't be completely honest, because it upset them..... So my therapist was my one hour a week that I could open up 100 %. I saw her once a week for 8 months. That was several years ago. Since then she has moved away, was she still here locally, I would be seeing her now.... As for Micheal, too much too soon.... I know he doesn't understand. But look out for you, no one else will. That is my take.......... sissy Link to post Share on other sites
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