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Please Help..I'm so CONFUSED!!


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I've been with my bf for over 8 years now. We've been together since I was 15 years old. We also have a three year old daughter. The problem is that I just don't love him anymore. He is not a bad person. We have fights like all couples. There just isn't any passion in our relationship anymore. I'm not attracted to him anymore.

 

I find myself constantly looking at other guys, imagining what life would be like with them. I really feel horrible about this because I don't want to cheat on him. I know that I need to talk to him, but I am scared of how much this will hurt him. I just don't think it's fair for me to live a lie with him after all these years together.

 

I know that he is starting to realize some of this. We rarely even talk and sex has been boring and predictable for some time.

 

I am just really confused. This is the only guy I've known since I was just a girl and I am scared of how it will be by myself. I just really need some good advice..PLEASE HELP!

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I think the hardest thing for a person to realize is that no matter what the situation, there's someone who can help. He (or she) is called a counselor. These folks help you realize that you have the tools you need to get on with your life, whether it's someone from a women's center, a church or a professional counseling service. Find someone in one of those places to help you get things into perspective. You won't regret it.

 

On a more personal note, don't ever be afraid to be alone. Embrace that time and learn about yourself, what your likes and dislikes are, what you desire most. As nice as it is to have a significant other, you aren't going to shrivel up and die if you don't have one. I think a lot of people feel they're incomplete or something's wrong with them if they're single, but in order to GIVE yourself to someone, you should first KNOW yourself.

 

This isn't meant as a dig, and I apologize in advance if it comes across this way, but I really hate seeing people pass up a good opportunity for self-discovery. You'll become stronger because now you'll have the opportunity to focus on yourself.

 

Good luck in making that transition.

 

jo anne

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You have absolutely no choice but to sit down and talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel. You were just a baby when you started to see him.

 

Once you are free of this relationship, you need to spend some time getting to know the world.

 

Relationships are about committment and constant renewal. Unless you work hard, you will get tired of anybody, that's right, A-N-Y-B-O-D-Y you have a relationship with. It's basically impossible for most people to retain any level of excitement after being with somebody over a long period of time unless you constantly communicate and do things to spice up and refresh the relationship.

 

Take some time to learn about communication, relationships, etc.

 

I'm also wondering if you can negotiate a time out on the relationship you have right now. I don't think you are no longer in love with him, I just think your love is dormant because of your inadequate knowledge and skills about relationships. Counselling is something you might consider. Unless you have somebody else in mind, you may even want to try a separation so you will have time to sort out your feelings. You may find you love him more than you realize if he is absent from your life for a while.

 

Once you have absolutely determined that this relationship has completely had it and your boredom is irreversible, just know that unless you learn the required skills...all of your future relationships will end up the same way.

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